Navigating Relationships and Sexual Urges: A Mental Health Perspective - Psychiatry

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Seeing someone of the opposite sex often makes one want to date?


When I interact with women, I often want to ask if they have a boyfriend and if we could consider dating.
Sometimes, I experience sexual urges, which I know are normal.
I have been masturbating since I was young, and now at forty years old, I am still a virgin and have only received oral sex.
I suppress my sexual urges.
Given this situation, how should I interact with the opposite sex? I am afraid I might sexually assault someone.

bu, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/07/30

Dr. Wang Yaoting reply Psychiatry


Hello: Most boys actually learn how to interact with the opposite sex gradually during their development.
If some primal urges are difficult to control, it is advisable to use alternative methods to manage them, such as engaging in physical exercise to tire oneself out, which can help reduce those thoughts.
Seeking psychological therapy can also be beneficial, as it can provide strategies for self-control during the therapeutic process.

Reply Date: 2021/07/30

More Info


Navigating relationships and sexual urges can be a complex and often challenging experience, especially when mental health concerns are involved. It’s important to recognize that sexual desire is a natural part of human existence, and feeling urges is completely normal. However, how one manages these urges and interacts with others is crucial for both personal well-being and the well-being of those around you.

First and foremost, it’s essential to understand that sexual urges are a normal part of human biology. They can arise from various stimuli, including physical attraction, emotional connection, or even just the environment. However, the key is how you respond to these urges. Suppressing sexual desire can lead to increased anxiety and frustration, which may manifest in unhealthy behaviors or thoughts. Instead of repression, consider finding healthy outlets for your sexual energy. Engaging in physical activities, such as exercise or sports, can help channel these urges in a constructive way. Physical activity not only helps to reduce stress but also promotes overall mental health.

When it comes to interacting with women, communication is vital. It’s perfectly acceptable to express interest in someone and to inquire about their relationship status. However, it’s crucial to approach these conversations with respect and sensitivity. If you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, try to engage in conversations that allow you to get to know them better as a person rather than focusing solely on the potential for a sexual relationship. Building a foundation of friendship can create a more comfortable environment for both parties.

If you are concerned about your urges leading to inappropriate behavior, it’s important to take proactive steps to manage these feelings. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can provide you with strategies to cope with your feelings and develop healthier relationship patterns. Therapy can help you explore the underlying reasons for your anxiety around sexual urges and provide you with tools to navigate these feelings in a safe and respectful manner.

Additionally, educating yourself about consent and healthy relationships is crucial. Understanding the importance of mutual consent and respect in any interaction can help alleviate fears of crossing boundaries. Consent is not just about a one-time agreement; it’s an ongoing conversation that requires clear communication and respect for each other’s boundaries. Familiarizing yourself with these concepts can empower you to engage in healthier interactions with others.

It’s also worth noting that feelings of guilt or shame surrounding sexual urges can be detrimental to your mental health. It’s important to recognize that having sexual desires does not make you a bad person. Instead, it’s how you choose to act on those desires that defines your character. Embracing your sexuality in a healthy way, while respecting others, can lead to more fulfilling relationships.

Lastly, if you find that your feelings of anxiety or fear about your sexual urges are overwhelming, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. They can provide you with tailored strategies to manage your feelings and help you navigate relationships in a way that feels safe and respectful for both you and your potential partners.

In summary, navigating relationships and sexual urges requires a balance of self-awareness, communication, and respect for oneself and others. By seeking professional help, engaging in healthy outlets for your urges, and educating yourself about consent and healthy relationships, you can create a more positive and fulfilling experience in your interactions with others. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take steps towards understanding and managing your feelings.

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