I have entered middle age?
I'm in middle age and still a virgin.
With the internet being so accessible, I often browse adult websites, and recently I've been thinking about trying to meet other women when I'm alone with just one person present.
I want to know how to handle this, as I only seem to want to interact with women for sexual needs and not for a relationship.
Additionally, I'm used to talking to myself and worry that this habit is not conducive to interacting with the opposite sex.
What should I do?
kan, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/10/10
Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry
Hi there! Having sexual desires is completely normal.
However, if you want to engage in a sexual relationship with a woman, it's important to start as friends first! I suggest expanding your social circle.
If you are seeing a psychiatrist, you can ask your doctor for a referral to a day treatment program or community workshops, where you can participate in activities and meet new people.
This way, you'll have the opportunity to meet women and potentially develop a relationship! Wishing you peace and good health.
Reply Date: 2021/10/10
More Info
Navigating midlife can be a complex journey, especially when it comes to addressing sexual needs and relationship concerns. Your situation reflects a common struggle many individuals face as they reach this stage in life. It’s important to recognize that sexual desires are a natural part of human experience, and the desire to explore these needs is not inherently wrong. However, the way you approach these desires can significantly impact your overall well-being and relationships.
Firstly, it’s essential to understand that sexual needs and emotional connections often go hand in hand. While you may feel that your interest in women is primarily driven by sexual desire, it’s worth considering the potential benefits of forming deeper emotional connections. Engaging in relationships that are solely based on physical attraction can lead to feelings of emptiness or dissatisfaction in the long run. Emotional intimacy can enhance sexual experiences and provide a more fulfilling relationship dynamic.
To address your concerns about interacting with women, consider the following strategies:
1. Self-Reflection: Take some time to reflect on what you truly want from your interactions with women. Are you seeking companionship, emotional support, or simply physical intimacy? Understanding your motivations can help you approach relationships more intentionally.
2. Gradual Exposure: If you’re accustomed to being alone and talking to yourself, it may feel daunting to engage with others. Start by gradually exposing yourself to social situations. This could involve joining clubs, attending events, or participating in group activities that interest you. The goal is to create opportunities for interaction in a low-pressure environment.
3. Practice Communication Skills: Effective communication is key to building relationships. Consider practicing your conversational skills in safe environments, such as with friends or family. This can help you feel more comfortable when interacting with women. You might also explore resources like books or workshops on communication and relationship-building.
4. Seek Professional Guidance: If you find that your thoughts and behaviors are causing distress, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, address any underlying issues, and develop strategies for healthier interactions.
5. Explore Online Dating: Given the prevalence of online platforms, consider exploring dating apps or websites that cater to your interests. These platforms can provide a more structured way to meet potential partners and can help ease the anxiety of face-to-face interactions.
6. Focus on Building Friendships: Rather than immediately seeking sexual relationships, focus on building friendships with women. This can help you develop comfort and trust, which may naturally lead to deeper connections over time.
7. Educate Yourself: Understanding sexual health and relationships can empower you to make informed decisions. Consider reading books or attending workshops on sexual health, intimacy, and relationship dynamics.
8. Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Practice mindfulness techniques to help manage anxiety and self-doubt. Being kind to yourself during this process is crucial. Understand that everyone has their own journey, and it’s okay to take your time.
In conclusion, while it’s natural to have sexual desires, fostering emotional connections can lead to more fulfilling relationships. By taking small steps to improve your social skills and seeking support when needed, you can navigate this stage of life with greater confidence and satisfaction. Remember, it’s never too late to explore new avenues for connection and intimacy.
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