Overcoming Hatred: A Journey Through Trauma and Healing

Q: Overcoming Hatred: A Journey Through Trauma and Healing

Hello, sir： I understand that your past unpleasant experiences have led to feelings of resentment and even a desire for revenge, which have long-term effects on your mental health. <br>I recommend seeking help from a psychiatrist or a psychosomatic clinic. <br>A physician can ass

Outstretched hand

Hello, doctor.
Since my childhood, I have forgotten how old I was when I started to hold grudges due to my own reckless behavior.
Later on, those I resented even encouraged some of my teachers and classmates to bully me throughout kindergarten, elementary school, junior high, and vocational school.
To be honest, I have previously inquired about this issue on Taiwan's e-hospital platform.
My mother passed away 14 years ago, and I still miss her dearly! My grandmother was also bullied by those who held grudges against her.
Most of my relatives are no longer around; only my younger brother and my father live with me.
Honestly, I don’t have a single friend, and due to my health issues, my relationship with relatives is strained.
Even my neighbors have sided with those who harbor resentment, leading to a complete lack of interaction with them.
If my mother were still alive, perhaps I could discuss and consult her about everything.
However, every time I see others who have served in the military, have partners, or children, I realize that my life has been completely derailed due to the schemes and resentments of others! My life cannot be relived, and my deceased relatives cannot return! Since my twenties, I vowed to seek revenge! Now at 41, if I don’t take action soon, I might never have the chance again!? At the same time, having been involved with gangs in my youth and having wronged many people, I find myself drawn to the toxic hands of my enemies, gradually pulling back...
I know that hatred only breeds more hatred, and I understand that seeking revenge will only lead to more pain and legal consequences! But I truly find it hard to forgive those people! My life should have been normal; perhaps my mother wouldn’t have passed away so early, and my grandmother wouldn’t have suffered their bullying...
I am starting to think about reclaiming my normal life, my relatives, and everything I belong to...
If it weren’t for my mother’s death, I might still be self-destructive and lost in a hedonistic lifestyle! Those people have made me lose my way and prevented me from returning to a normal life; I was once normal! My mother hoped I would pass civil service exams, but now that I am genuinely preparing, I don’t know how to start.
I lack the motivation to study.
I initially wanted to pursue social administration to help the impoverished, but the slots for social administration are extremely limited.
I have no choice but to opt for the more abundant general administration positions.

Jason, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/11/21

Dr. Wang Zhenyang reply Psychiatry

Hello, sir: I understand that your past unpleasant experiences have led to feelings of resentment and even a desire for revenge, which have long-term effects on your mental health.
I recommend seeking help from a psychiatrist or a psychosomatic clinic.
A physician can assist you in addressing your psychological distress through medication or psychotherapy, helping you gradually emerge from this mental quagmire.
Wishing you health and happiness.
Dr.
Wang Zhenyang, Department of Psychiatry, Taoyuan Psychiatric Hospital, Ministry of Health and Welfare, 71 Longshou Street, Taoyuan District, Taoyuan City, TEL: 03-3698553 ext 2030, FAX: 03-3699498.

Reply Date: 2021/11/21

More Info

It sounds like you have been through a lot of trauma and pain in your life, and it's understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed by your emotions and experiences. The journey of overcoming hatred and trauma is complex and often requires both time and support. Here are some thoughts and suggestions that may help you navigate this difficult path.

First and foremost, it's essential to acknowledge your feelings. Hatred, anger, and grief are natural responses to the pain you've experienced, especially with the loss of loved ones and the bullying you've faced. It's okay to feel hurt and to express those feelings. However, holding onto hatred can be detrimental to your mental and emotional well-being. It can create a cycle of negativity that may affect your relationships and overall quality of life.

Consider seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling. A mental health professional can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and help you develop coping strategies. They can guide you in processing your trauma and finding healthier ways to deal with your emotions. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, can be particularly effective in addressing negative thought patterns and behaviors.

Engaging in self-care practices is also crucial. This can include physical activities like exercise, which can help release endorphins and improve your mood. Mindfulness and meditation can also be beneficial in helping you stay grounded and present, reducing feelings of anxiety and anger. Journaling your thoughts and feelings can be another powerful tool for self-reflection and emotional release.

Building a support network is vital. While you may feel isolated, try to reach out to others, whether it's family members, acquaintances, or support groups. Connecting with people who have had similar experiences can provide a sense of community and understanding. You might also consider volunteering or getting involved in community activities, which can help you meet new people and foster a sense of belonging.

As for your aspirations, it's commendable that you want to pursue a career in social administration to help others. While it may feel daunting, breaking down your goals into smaller, manageable steps can make them feel more achievable. Start by researching the requirements for the positions you are interested in and create a study plan that fits your schedule. Even if you don't feel motivated right now, taking small actions can help build momentum and confidence.

Lastly, it's important to practice self-compassion. Recognize that healing is a journey, and it's okay to take your time. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and be gentle with yourself during setbacks. Remember that you are not defined by your past, and there is still the potential for a fulfilling and meaningful life ahead.

In conclusion, overcoming hatred and trauma is a challenging but possible journey. By seeking support, practicing self-care, and taking steps toward your goals, you can begin to heal and create a life that aligns with your values and aspirations. You are not alone in this, and there are resources and people available to help you along the way.

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