Your Struggles: Signs of Depression, Anxiety, and Panic Disorders

I would like to know if I have depression, anxiety disorder, or panic disorder?

Hello Doctor: I tend to overthink and often feel my heart racing.
I get anxious over small matters.
Throughout my life, I have frequently suppressed my emotions, as I long for peace and do not want to cause disputes or make anyone uncomfortable by expressing myself.
However, I have realized that the more I do this, the worse I feel.
I have been unaware that I have been unhappy, always considering others' feelings without reflecting on my own happiness.
I am very good at enduring; I want to cry but cannot seem to do so.
Even when I am deeply saddened, tears often flow from the corners of my eyes without my control.
I frequently feel depressed, low in mood, and anxious to the point of distress.
There are things I want to say, but I constantly worry about how it will affect others.
I have been in a relationship for three years, but my boyfriend cheated on me after two and a half years and slept with the other woman in our rented place.
He has also said hurtful things to me, such as that if he had not met me, he would choose the other woman over me.
After the infidelity, he accused me of defaming him and asked if I knew it was unfair to her, demanding an apology from me.
I have sacrificed my own well-being to watch him pursue the other woman, enduring every moment of it, which has been emotionally devastating.
I know this is wrong and that I am to blame for my own suffering, but I truly cannot let go and still love him.
I am unsure why I feel this way; could it be Stockholm syndrome?
Currently, I lack motivation for life; I do not even want to go outside and prefer to isolate myself at home.
I often find myself comparing myself to the other woman, and I have a high level of self-criticism.
Even though the issues stem from others, I constantly believe it is my fault and that I caused him to behave this way.
When I make mistakes, I berate myself, which leads to a racing heart, chest tightness, and even thoughts of ending my life because I genuinely dislike who I have become and feel helpless.
I am trapped in a cycle of self-criticism and blame, feeling inadequate.
I do not want to hurt others, yet I always end up hurting myself.
I want to change, but I still lack the motivation to take action.

Quan, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2023/06/25

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
Depression and anxiety disorders, or panic disorders, can sometimes coexist and be interrelated.
Regardless of the diagnosis, the situation described in the text predominantly involves negative (depressive) emotional behaviors, which have caused significant psychological and physical distress.
It is recommended that you make an appointment with a mental health (psychiatry) clinic as soon as possible to facilitate improvement.

Reply Date: 2023/06/25

More Info

Hello, thank you for sharing your experiences and feelings. It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you are experiencing. Based on what you've described, it seems you may be dealing with a combination of anxiety, depression, and possibly some elements of trauma related to your past relationship.

Firstly, the symptoms you mentioned—such as excessive worrying, feeling overwhelmed, experiencing physical symptoms like a racing heart, and having difficulty expressing your emotions—are common indicators of anxiety disorders. Anxiety can manifest in various ways, including generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), where individuals often worry excessively about different aspects of life without a clear reason. It can also lead to panic attacks, where physical symptoms can be so intense that they mimic heart attacks or other serious medical conditions.

Your feelings of sadness, lack of motivation, and self-criticism align with symptoms of depression. Depression can lead to a pervasive sense of hopelessness and worthlessness, making it difficult to find joy in activities that once brought happiness. The fact that you mentioned feeling like you are sacrificing your own happiness for others and struggling to find your own voice in relationships indicates a deeper emotional struggle that often accompanies both anxiety and depression.

The experience you described with your boyfriend is particularly distressing. Being in a relationship where you feel betrayed and devalued can lead to significant emotional turmoil. It's understandable that you might be feeling trapped in a cycle of self-blame and comparison, especially if you have a tendency to prioritize others' feelings over your own. This can create a toxic dynamic where you feel responsible for someone else's actions, which is not only unfair but also detrimental to your mental health.

Regarding the mention of Stockholm syndrome, it typically refers to a psychological phenomenon where hostages develop positive feelings towards their captors. While your situation does not fit this definition precisely, it does highlight the complexities of emotional attachment and the difficulty of letting go of relationships that may be harmful. It's essential to recognize that love and attachment can sometimes cloud our judgment about what is healthy for us.

Given the severity of your feelings, including thoughts of self-harm, it is crucial to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide a safe space for you to explore these feelings and develop coping strategies. Therapy can help you process your emotions, understand the roots of your anxiety and depression, and work towards building a healthier self-image. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for anxiety and depression, as it focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors.

In addition to therapy, medication may also be an option worth discussing with a psychiatrist. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications can help alleviate some of the symptoms you are experiencing, making it easier for you to engage in therapy and make positive changes in your life.

It's important to remember that you are not alone in this struggle, and reaching out for help is a strong and courageous step. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who can provide encouragement as you navigate this journey. You deserve to find happiness and fulfillment in your life, and with the right support, it is possible to work through these challenges. Please take care of yourself and consider seeking help as soon as possible.

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