Overcoming Mental Health Struggles: Finding Hope and Connection

I'm not sure what to do?

Hello, doctor.
I'm sorry to trouble you again! Ever since I was diagnosed with a mental illness at the age of 20, this condition has been haunting me.
Whether it's the stigma or the exemption from military service, it has become a shadow that I can't shake off no matter where I go! It seems to have turned me into a target for others to ridicule! Recently, I've developed feelings for a girl who is a few years older than me.
However, I'm afraid to express my feelings and deeply fear rejection.
I work in a low-level job and only earn a basic salary.
Because of this, I really don't dare to pursue her! I can only focus on my own survival and feel incapable of bringing happiness to someone else, especially with my mental illness...! Some have suggested that if she rejects me, I should look for someone else.
I'm not young anymore! The initial drive I had to pass the national examination has seemingly disappeared.
I don't know if it's because I'm studying the wrong field or if there's something else wrong?! In any case, I can't concentrate on studying, and I've been distracted by life, work, my phone, and so on! I understand that to stand out, the only way is to pass the civil service exam; there's no other option.
If I pass, I could leave my current situation and distance myself from people I dislike! I hate that my life remains unchanged! Every day feels like a whirlwind—working, playing on my phone, encountering people I dislike, and occasionally addressing my physical needs (even though I really want a partner)...
The dream of escaping my hometown feels out of reach! I've thought and speculated that it might be impossible for me to ever get married or have a partner in this lifetime! I really hate this kind of life! Yet, I can't seem to break this curse! Do I have to struggle alone out there!? I'm over 40! Where will my next job be? I can't even dare to dream! Is it really just going to be like this, living alone until death?

Jason, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2023/08/30

Dr. Tang Jiahong reply Psychiatry

Everyone has the right to pursue love, and many individuals with mental health conditions have found partners; happiness or the ability to give happiness does not necessarily depend on having a high-paying job or a government position.
Additionally, being able to maintain a job despite the impact of mental illness is commendable.
You might consider approaching this from two angles: first, find meaningful and rewarding aspects within your current job while minimizing interactions with people you dislike; second, set aside some time to read books about interpersonal relationships, which may be beneficial for you.

Reply Date: 2023/08/30

More Info

Overcoming mental health struggles can be an arduous journey, especially when compounded by societal stigma and personal fears. Your situation reflects a common struggle faced by many individuals dealing with mental health issues, particularly when it comes to forming connections and pursuing relationships. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and recognize that you are not alone in this experience.

First and foremost, it’s crucial to understand that mental health conditions do not define your worth or your ability to connect with others. The stigma surrounding mental illness can be overwhelming, but it is essential to challenge these negative perceptions. Many people with mental health issues lead fulfilling lives and have meaningful relationships. It may be beneficial to seek support from mental health professionals who can provide guidance and coping strategies tailored to your specific needs.

When it comes to pursuing a romantic interest, fear of rejection is a natural feeling, especially when you are already grappling with self-doubt and societal judgment. However, it’s important to remember that vulnerability is a part of human connection. Expressing your feelings to the woman you are interested in could lead to a positive outcome, regardless of her response. If she does not reciprocate your feelings, it does not diminish your value or potential for future relationships. Each experience can be a learning opportunity that helps you grow.

You mentioned feeling stuck in your current situation, both in your job and personal life. This sense of stagnation can contribute to feelings of hopelessness. It might be helpful to set small, achievable goals for yourself. Rather than focusing solely on the larger goal of passing a civil service exam or finding a new job, consider what small steps you can take daily to improve your situation. This could include dedicating a specific amount of time each day to studying, engaging in a new hobby, or even reaching out to friends or support groups.

Additionally, consider exploring activities that promote mental well-being, such as mindfulness, exercise, or creative outlets. These activities can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall mood, making it easier to face challenges and connect with others. Engaging in community activities or support groups can also provide a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of isolation.

It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed by the pressures of life, especially as you approach significant milestones like turning 40. However, life is not a race, and everyone’s journey is unique. It’s never too late to make changes or pursue new opportunities. Many people find fulfillment and happiness later in life, and your past experiences can provide valuable insights that guide you toward a more satisfying future.

Lastly, if you find that your feelings of hopelessness persist, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist can help you work through your feelings, develop coping strategies, and create a plan for moving forward. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

In conclusion, overcoming mental health struggles and finding hope and connection is a gradual process that requires patience and self-compassion. By taking small steps, challenging negative thoughts, and seeking support, you can begin to create a life that feels more fulfilling and connected. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there is always hope for a brighter future.

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