How to Support a Partner Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts?

Q: How to Support a Partner Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts?

Hello, Pi Pi： Has he ever engaged in self-harm or attempted suicide? If so, the likelihood of reoffending is significant, and caution is essential. <br>From a physician's perspective, any mention of suicide is treated with utmost seriousness; we have more experience and capabilit

What should I do?

Hello, doctor.
I'm the one who asked you before, Pi Pi.
I know my boyfriend often talks about suicide, which is not good.
He frequently mentions it, and I really feel pressured being with him.
I have told him, "Don't use suicide to threaten me." He said he is not threatening me; he feels this way because I often talk about breaking up or being unkind to him, which makes him think about suicide.
However, the more he does this, the more uncomfortable I feel.
He asked me, "If someone treats you badly and you love them, wouldn't you think about suicide?" I replied, "If that's the case, I would think of other ways, not suicide." I'm really scared that one day he might actually harm himself because of this.
He often overthinks and imagines the worst in certain situations.
I genuinely want to help him; he treats me well.
But if he could stop talking about suicide or harming himself, I think we wouldn't argue as much.
Doctor, sometimes when we argue and he mentions suicide, I hang up the phone because hearing him say that frustrates me.
If I hang up on him, ignore him, or turn off my phone, will he feel even worse? Or should I listen to him? What should I do to achieve the best outcome? Please advise me, thank you, doctor.

Pipi, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/02/17

Dr. Chen Wenyu reply Psychiatry

Hello, Pi Pi: Has he ever engaged in self-harm or attempted suicide? If so, the likelihood of reoffending is significant, and caution is essential.
From a physician's perspective, any mention of suicide is treated with utmost seriousness; we have more experience and capability in handling such matters than others.
His thoughts (or threats) are beyond what someone of your age and experience can manage, and his issues must be addressed by a psychiatrist.
Romantic relationships involve a unique interaction characterized by mutual tolerance and care.
If either party feels unusual pressure, and that pressure continues to escalate, the relationship will inevitably face challenges.
As previously mentioned, suicide often represents an inward projection of hatred towards others; when this subconscious feeling emerges, it is clear who will be hurt.
Whether to stay together or separate is a decision you must make yourself (you may seek advice from a counselor, teacher, or parents based on their life experiences).
When he threatens suicide again, offer gentle concern (without any commitments, as such promises may become excuses for future threats) and express your feelings again (be careful to control your emotions and not lose control yourself).
Next, ask him to manage his emotions first (if he cannot, encourage him to seek help from a physician) before contacting you again, and firmly hang up the phone.
Nowadays, many young people exhibit borderline traits and may have impulsive tendencies that could lead to mutual destruction.
If the other party is unwilling to seek correction and the situation worsens, increasing your stress, you must seriously consider one thing: to leave cautiously and wish him a swift return to a normal personality.
It is clear that "you" are his source of suicidal thoughts; breaking this connection may eliminate that source, unless you wish to live under constant restrictions on your activities, friendships, and other social interactions, in which case you can continue to stay connected with him.
Thank you for your letter!

Reply Date: 2004/02/17

More Info

Supporting a partner who is struggling with suicidal thoughts can be incredibly challenging and emotionally taxing. It’s essential to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and a proactive mindset. Here are some strategies that may help you navigate this difficult time:

1. Open Communication
Encourage open and honest communication with your partner. Let him know that you are there to listen without judgment. When he expresses his feelings, try to validate his emotions rather than dismissing them. You might say something like, “I can see that you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now, and I want to understand what you’re going through.” This can help him feel heard and supported.

2. Encourage Professional Help
While your support is vital, it’s crucial that he also seeks professional help. Gently encourage him to talk to a mental health professional, such as a therapist or psychiatrist. You can suggest that seeing a professional is a sign of strength, not weakness, and that it can provide him with tools to cope with his feelings. You might say, “Talking to someone who understands these feelings can really help. I’d be happy to help you find someone.”

3. Set Boundaries
It’s important to set healthy boundaries for yourself. While you want to support him, you also need to take care of your own mental health. If his talk of suicide becomes overwhelming, it’s okay to express that you need a break from the conversation. You can say something like, “I care about you, but I also need to take care of myself. Let’s talk about this when we’re both feeling calmer.”

4. Stay Calm During Conflicts
During arguments, if he threatens self-harm, it can be distressing. It’s crucial to remain as calm as possible. If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to step away for a moment to collect your thoughts. You might say, “I need to take a moment to breathe. Let’s talk about this in a little while.” This can prevent the situation from escalating and give both of you time to cool down.

5. Educate Yourself
Understanding depression and suicidal ideation can help you respond more effectively. Learn about the signs of depression, the triggers for suicidal thoughts, and the resources available for help. This knowledge can empower you to provide better support and recognize when professional intervention is necessary.

6. Create a Safety Plan
Work with him to create a safety plan for when he feels overwhelmed. This plan can include coping strategies, emergency contacts, and a list of activities that help him feel better. Having a plan in place can provide both of you with a sense of security.

7. Be Patient
Recovery from suicidal thoughts and depression is often not linear. There will be good days and bad days. Be patient with him and with yourself. Celebrate small victories and be there during setbacks. Remind him that it’s okay to seek help and that he doesn’t have to go through this alone.

8. Seek Support for Yourself
Supporting someone with suicidal thoughts can take a toll on your mental health. Consider seeking support for yourself, whether through friends, family, or a therapist. It’s essential to have your own outlet for feelings and stress.

Conclusion
Ultimately, your partner needs to know that he is not alone in this struggle. By fostering open communication, encouraging professional help, and setting healthy boundaries, you can create a supportive environment that promotes healing. Remember, while you can provide support, you are not a substitute for professional help, and it’s crucial for him to seek the assistance he needs. If you ever feel that he is in immediate danger, do not hesitate to contact emergency services or a crisis hotline for immediate support.

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