Codependency: Signs, Symptoms, and Seeking Help

Pathological Codependency Disorder

I am unsure whether my psychological state is normal or not.
I tend to overthink and often consider others' opinions as my own.
I am overly concerned about what others think, and I usually do not dare to contradict them, instinctively believing that their thoughts are correct and mine are wrong.
I have a strong fear of making others angry or getting into arguments.
It is also difficult for me to refuse others' requests.
I enjoy when others ask me to accompany them shopping or doing activities, but I am very afraid to ask others to accompany me.
As a result, I often prefer to do many things alone, even though I secretly desire companionship.
I fear situations where I have to take the lead, and speaking in front of a group is very challenging for me; I need to prepare in advance, or I become so nervous that I don't know what to do.
If someone suddenly asks a question, my mind goes blank, and I can't speak.
Moreover, I know that others are discussing the same topics, but when I see my friends laughing and chatting, I feel very uncomfortable and want to distance myself from them, which negatively affects my mood.
However, when I talk to classmates, I feel happy again, leading to significant mood swings.
I also often forget many things, especially where I placed items or what I need to do.
I feel that my mental maturity does not match my outward appearance.
I have researched many psychological books on this topic, but none seemed to fit until I recently discovered a book discussing "pathological dependence," which made me realize that the situations described in it resemble my own experiences significantly.
Therefore, I would like to ask if the doctor knows anything about this condition.

Xiao Ting, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/03/21

Dr. Wang Houzhong reply Psychiatry

Hello, Xiao Ting.
Your issues seem to be more related to self-confidence and interpersonal relationship difficulties, mixed with some symptoms of anxiety, emotional fluctuations, and poor attention.
I recommend that you seek a psychiatric evaluation and treatment as soon as possible.
Clinically, there is no condition known as pathological dependence; however, there is a phenomenon called shared psychotic disorder, which is different from your situation.
Dr.
Wang Houzhong, Bali Sanatorium, April 7, 2004.

Reply Date: 2004/03/21

More Info

Understanding codependency is crucial for recognizing unhealthy relational patterns that can significantly impact one’s mental health and overall well-being. Codependency is often characterized by an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support due to an illness or addiction. However, it can manifest in various forms, including friendships and familial relationships.
Based on your description, it seems you exhibit several signs commonly associated with codependency. These include a strong tendency to prioritize others' needs over your own, difficulty asserting your opinions, and a fear of conflict or rejection. You mentioned feeling anxious about expressing your desires or needs, which is a hallmark of codependent behavior. This pattern can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration, as you may feel unfulfilled in your relationships while constantly accommodating others.

One of the primary symptoms of codependency is the inability to say "no." This can lead to overcommitment and burnout, as you may find yourself engaging in activities that do not align with your interests or desires simply to please others. Additionally, the emotional highs and lows you experience, particularly in social situations, can indicate an unstable sense of self-worth that is heavily influenced by external validation.
The fear of being the center of attention or speaking in front of others, as you described, can also be linked to codependency. This fear often stems from a lack of confidence in one’s own opinions and a belief that others’ thoughts are more valid. It’s essential to recognize that your feelings and thoughts are equally important and deserve to be expressed.

Moreover, the tendency to feel left out or envious when observing others socializing can be indicative of underlying insecurities. This emotional turmoil can create a cycle of isolation, where you desire connection but simultaneously withdraw due to fear of rejection or inadequacy.
If you resonate with these signs, seeking help from a mental health professional can be beneficial. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore these feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in addressing codependency, as it helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns and behaviors.
Additionally, support groups can offer a sense of community and understanding, allowing you to connect with others who share similar experiences. Engaging in self-care practices and setting boundaries can also empower you to reclaim your sense of self and prioritize your needs.

In summary, recognizing the signs of codependency is the first step toward healing. It’s important to understand that your feelings are valid, and seeking help is a courageous and necessary step toward achieving a healthier, more balanced life. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and desires, and doing so can lead to more fulfilling relationships in the long run.

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