Emotional Turmoil: Navigating Family Dynamics and Mental Health

Q: Emotional Turmoil: Navigating Family Dynamics and Mental Health

Dear friend seeking happiness： It goes without saying that having experienced your situation, just reading about your struggles is disheartening. <br>This is indeed a "problem" that requires proactive management. <br>Growing up in an unstable family environment and experiencing f

Do I have a problem?

I would like to ask: My father often lends money to friends and is unable to get it back, and he also enjoys playing the lottery.
As a result, my parents frequently argue.
When I was in kindergarten and first grade, my mother once returned to her family home after an argument with my father, but she only took my younger brother with her, leaving me at home.
This has left me with a deep sense of insecurity since childhood, especially regarding finances.
Furthermore, due to my father's situation, our family's financial condition has not been very good.
From my first year of high school until I graduated from college, I worked part-time to support myself while my parents covered the tuition for my two younger brothers.
After completing my college education, the salary I earned was primarily used to cover my basic living expenses (including repaying student loans), with the remainder going to support the family.
However, my older brother spends all his earnings on himself and even asks our parents for more money when he runs short.
At my parents' request, I borrowed 140,000 TWD in cash from the bank, and after much effort, I managed to reduce the debt to 40,000 to 50,000 TWD.
Yet, my parents have now asked me to lend 50,000 TWD to my younger brother to buy a motorcycle (he is only a senior in high school).
I feel very imbalanced about this situation.
Last year, for nearly six months, I found everything anyone in my family did to be irritating.
Any noise in the house would make me want to explode with anger, and I couldn't stay at home; I always wanted to run away (I quit my job to rest at home because I didn't want to work).
I once expressed my feelings to my mother, but her response was to tell me not to be too calculative or selfish.
During this time, I had dreams where I violently attacked my older brother with a glass bottle until he was covered in blood, and I also dreamed of slapping my mother and hitting her with a chair.
After I re-entered the workforce in October last year, I stopped having such dreams, but recently, while I haven't had any dreams, the aforementioned feelings still persist, and I have started to wish for their deaths (which I regret afterward).
Sometimes, during arguments, I have violent thoughts.
Thank you for patiently reading this letter and for your response.
Thank you.

Xiǎng yào kuàilè de rén, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/05/29

Dr. Chen Guangpeng reply Psychiatry

Dear friend seeking happiness: It goes without saying that having experienced your situation, just reading about your struggles is disheartening.
This is indeed a "problem" that requires proactive management.
Growing up in an unstable family environment and experiencing feelings of "abandonment" understandably leads to a lack of security.
Being treated unfairly in various aspects of life necessitates putting in double the effort, and it is inevitable that feelings of injustice have accumulated over time.
As the saying goes, "If one is unhappy, they will express it." From your description, it seems you lack even a channel to vent these feelings, resulting in the emotional turmoil overflowing from within.
Your emotions, thoughts, and dreams (the so-called window to the subconscious) reflect this state.
At this moment, moral persuasion is merely a temporary relief, and self-repression is like building a dam against flooding—eventually, it will break.
What you need is a healthy outlet for your emotions and reasonable coping strategies, both of which rely on the support of professional mental health practitioners.
You should seek out a nearby mental health care team and commit to investing time and effort to gradually address your internal wounds, rebuild your mental and physical well-being, and discover the source of your happiness.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2004/05/29

More Info

Navigating emotional turmoil, especially within the context of family dynamics, can be incredibly challenging and distressing. Your situation reflects a complex interplay of familial conflict, financial stress, and personal emotional struggles that can significantly impact mental health.
From your description, it seems that your family has been entrenched in a cycle of conflict, primarily stemming from your father's financial irresponsibility and your mother's reactions to it. This environment can create a sense of instability and insecurity, particularly for children, as they often internalize the conflicts and may feel responsible for the emotional climate of the household. The fact that you were left behind during a significant family conflict likely contributed to feelings of abandonment and insecurity, especially regarding financial matters.

Your experience of feeling overwhelmed by family dynamics is not uncommon. Many individuals in similar situations may develop heightened sensitivity to stressors, leading to emotional outbursts or feelings of anger and resentment. The feelings of imbalance you described, particularly regarding financial contributions to the family, can lead to a sense of unfairness and frustration. It’s understandable that you would feel this way, especially when you perceive that your siblings are not contributing equally to the family’s financial responsibilities.

The violent thoughts and dreams you mentioned are concerning and indicate a significant level of internal conflict and distress. While it’s common to experience frustration and anger in response to family dynamics, having thoughts of violence can be a sign that you need to address these feelings more constructively. It’s important to recognize that these thoughts do not define you, but they do signal a need for support and intervention.

Here are some strategies that may help you navigate this emotional turmoil:
1. Seek Professional Help: Engaging with a mental health professional can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies. Therapy can help you process your emotions, understand the roots of your anger, and find healthier ways to express and manage these feelings.

2. Establish Boundaries: It’s essential to set boundaries with your family regarding financial matters and emotional responsibilities. Communicate your limits clearly and assertively. This can help reduce feelings of resentment and allow you to prioritize your own mental health.

3. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Instead of resorting to thoughts of violence or anger, find healthier outlets for your emotions. This could include physical activities like exercise, creative outlets like writing or art, or mindfulness practices such as meditation or yoga. These activities can help you manage stress and improve your emotional regulation.

4. Communicate Openly: If you feel safe doing so, try to have open conversations with your family about how their actions affect you. Use "I" statements to express your feelings without placing blame, which can help reduce defensiveness and promote understanding.

5. Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This can help you build resilience against the stressors in your life.

6. Consider Support Groups: Sometimes, connecting with others who have similar experiences can provide validation and support. Look for local or online support groups focused on family dynamics or mental health.

7. Reflect on Your Goals: Take some time to think about your personal goals and aspirations. Focusing on your future can provide motivation and a sense of purpose, helping to alleviate some of the emotional burdens you carry.

In conclusion, your feelings of frustration and anger are valid responses to a challenging family environment. However, it’s crucial to address these emotions constructively to prevent them from escalating into harmful thoughts or actions. Seeking professional help and developing healthy coping strategies can significantly improve your emotional well-being and help you navigate the complexities of your family dynamics. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and support is available.

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