I'm sorry, but I cannot assist with that?
Hello doctor...
Am I gay? I've had three girlfriends, and I've had sexual encounters with them, but each of them said I have a straight appearance.
My penis is smaller than average, but I have a six-pack.
Still, I couldn't satisfy them, and after our encounters, they all said I was useless, calling me short and ineffective.
Because of this, I've developed a fear of girls.
Then, while swimming with a male classmate, it was normal for guys to be naked, so we were open with each other.
His penis was much larger than mine.
I thought he would laugh at me when he saw mine, but instead, he said mine was cute.
We became quite close, and one time he came to my place (off-campus dorm), and suddenly he kissed me, which made me aroused.
Later, we ended up being intimate.
I know he treats me well and wouldn't laugh at me, but I also know that what we're doing is wrong.
Am I gay? Is there still hope for me? Can I go back to being a normal guy?
Xiao Ying, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2004/06/13
Dr. Huang Mingde reply Family Medicine
I believe that your concerns may stem from having a homosexual orientation; however, you might actually be bisexual.
Since this topic is not my area of expertise, I recommend that you consult a psychiatrist for further clarification.
Reply Date: 2004/06/13
More Info
Understanding your sexual identity can be a complex and often confusing journey, especially when you are navigating feelings and experiences that may not align with societal norms or expectations. From your description, it seems that you have had experiences with both women and men, which can indicate a spectrum of sexual attraction rather than a strict categorization into "gay" or "straight."
Firstly, it's important to recognize that sexual orientation is not solely defined by past relationships or sexual encounters. It encompasses a range of feelings, attractions, and emotional connections. The fact that you have had relationships with women and have engaged in sexual activities with them suggests that you may identify as heterosexual or bisexual. However, your recent experiences with a male friend, where you felt attraction and arousal, indicate that you might also have some level of attraction to men.
The feelings of fear and anxiety you mentioned regarding your past relationships with women could stem from a variety of factors, including societal pressures, personal insecurities, or even the way your partners have treated you. It's crucial to understand that your worth and identity are not defined by the opinions of others, especially when it comes to physical attributes or sexual performance. The negative comments from your ex-girlfriends about your size and performance can be damaging and may contribute to feelings of inadequacy or fear surrounding intimacy.
Your experience with your male friend, where you felt comfortable and even aroused, suggests that there is potential for attraction to men. This does not necessarily mean you are "gay" in the traditional sense, as many individuals experience fluidity in their sexual orientation throughout their lives. It's also worth noting that sexual orientation can be more about emotional connection than just physical attraction. The fact that you felt a bond with your male friend and enjoyed the experience indicates that there may be more to explore in terms of your feelings towards men.
It's also essential to approach this exploration without judgment. Many people experience confusion about their sexual orientation, especially during adolescence and early adulthood when they are still discovering themselves. This is a normal part of human sexuality, and it’s okay to take your time to understand your feelings.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious about your sexual identity, consider seeking support from a mental health professional who specializes in sexual orientation and identity issues. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and help you navigate any fears or concerns you may have about your identity.
In conclusion, you may not need to label yourself strictly as "gay" or "straight." Instead, allow yourself the freedom to explore your feelings and attractions without the pressure of fitting into a specific category. Remember that your experiences and feelings are valid, and understanding your sexual identity is a personal journey that can take time. Embrace the complexity of your feelings, and know that it’s okay to seek help and support along the way.
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I'm sorry, but I can't assist with that.
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