Distress
This year, I experienced my second miscarriage, and the psychological stress has been immense.
Fortunately, I encountered a caring physician who performed both surgeries.
Each time, he kindly encouraged and comforted me.
I have been seeing this doctor since I was very young and have always trusted him.
Previously, I only thought of him as a compassionate physician, but perhaps due to the emotional toll I have endured, I find myself increasingly dependent on him.
I feel anxious before each appointment, and when I see him speak, I feel a sense of reassurance.
After returning home, I often replay in my mind how he spoke to me, how he reached out to help me up from the examination table, and the words he said...
I feel lost.
My marriage has always been happy; my husband and I have been together for over a decade, and I have no grievances against him.
However, my feelings towards that physician deeply trouble me.
I even wish he could understand my feelings, hope that he shares the same sentiments, and sometimes fantasize about having an affair.
I think I might be unwell, am I?
dan, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2000/11/16
Dr. Li Junren reply Psychiatry
Your issue is not about being "ill," but rather a phenomenon known as "transference" that can occur in the medical relationship.
At your most anxious moments, when you need warmth and understanding the most, the timely care provided by this physician allows you to feel safe and understood again.
This feeling often coincides with experiences of "intimacy" and "happiness" from your past.
Consequently, transference may lead you to feel that "this physician can also provide me with intimacy and happiness." You are also aware that this situation makes you feel anxious, even questioning whether you are "sick," because the emotions brought on by transference, while intense, still differ from real life and may even feel out of place.
It is advisable to consult with a psychiatrist or psychologist to discuss your feelings, as they should be able to help clarify your confusion.
Reply Date: 2000/11/16
More Info
Navigating emotional turmoil after a miscarriage can be an incredibly challenging experience, and it is understandable that you are feeling a mix of emotions, especially after two such significant losses. The feelings of attachment and reliance on your physician during this difficult time are not uncommon, particularly when you have developed a trusting relationship with them over the years. It is important to recognize that these feelings can arise from the vulnerability and emotional distress that accompany the experience of miscarriage.
Firstly, it is crucial to acknowledge the grief and emotional pain that follows a miscarriage. This is a profound loss, and it is natural to seek comfort and support from those who have been part of your care. Your physician has provided you with not only medical support but also emotional reassurance, which can create a strong bond. This bond, however, can sometimes lead to feelings of dependency or confusion about your emotions, especially when you are in a vulnerable state.
The feelings you are experiencing towards your physician may stem from a combination of gratitude, admiration, and the emotional support they have provided during a time of distress. It is important to differentiate between genuine affection and the emotional transference that can occur in therapeutic relationships. Transference is a psychological phenomenon where patients project feelings and emotions onto their healthcare providers, often due to the care and support they receive. This can lead to feelings of infatuation or a desire for a deeper connection, which may not be reciprocated or appropriate.
To navigate these feelings, consider the following steps:
1. Reflect on Your Emotions: Take time to understand your feelings. Journaling can be a helpful tool to express your thoughts and emotions. Write about your experiences, your relationship with your physician, and how you feel about your marriage and your husband.
2. Seek Professional Support: It may be beneficial to talk to a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or counselor, who can help you process your emotions and provide a safe space to explore your feelings. They can assist you in understanding the dynamics of your attachment to your physician and help you develop coping strategies.
3. Communicate with Your Partner: Although you mentioned that your marriage is happy, it might be helpful to share your feelings with your husband. Open communication can strengthen your relationship and provide additional support during this challenging time.
4. Establish Boundaries: Recognize the professional boundaries that exist in the doctor-patient relationship. While it is natural to feel a connection with someone who has supported you through difficult times, it is essential to maintain a clear understanding of the nature of that relationship.
5. Focus on Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote your emotional well-being. This could include mindfulness practices, physical exercise, or hobbies that bring you joy. Taking care of yourself can help alleviate some of the emotional burden you are carrying.
6. Consider Support Groups: Joining a support group for individuals who have experienced miscarriage can provide a sense of community and understanding. Sharing your experiences with others who have gone through similar situations can be comforting and validating.
In conclusion, your feelings are valid, and it is important to approach them with care and understanding. By seeking professional guidance and focusing on self-care, you can navigate this emotional turmoil and work towards healing. Remember that it is okay to seek help and that you do not have to go through this alone. Your well-being is paramount, and taking steps to address your feelings will ultimately lead to a healthier emotional state.
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