My symptoms are quite unusual..?
Dr.
Chen: My condition is very strange...
Some say it's a form of psychosis, others say it's loneliness or depression, and some even suggest schizophrenia or phobias...
Because...
I often imagine that someone is beside me...
Friends or someone I like, and before I know it, I'm talking to myself...
Eventually, I start gesturing as if I'm interacting with a friend...
I even engage in a sort of internal dialogue...
Sometimes I think of myself as a dancer or something similar...
I often incorporate storylines from novels into my thoughts...
However, these experiences only occur when I'm alone...
As soon as someone is nearby, I return to normal.
Gradually, this has become a habit...
Until a few days ago, I tried to change it, but I really can't adapt...
I'm very scared...
But occasionally, if I'm not paying attention, it starts again...
I often forget what I talked about with this imagined person, but I know it happened...
Because I'm alone...
My parents are preoccupied with themselves...
They rarely talk to me...
They stay locked in their rooms...
I can't often go out, and when I'm at home playing on the computer, I get scolded for not studying...
They have never shown concern for me...
They don't come to talk to me...
I want to see a psychologist, but...
it seems there are no such facilities where I live...
The counseling office at school is not very helpful...
It's like having no support at all...
My siblings are busy with work and classes...
and my brother has a bad temper...
In the end, I'm left all alone...
I even irrationally think there are ghosts in my room...
So at night, I'm very scared...
There's no one to talk to...
I go through each day like this...
At school, I've been ostracized by classmates due to being set up...
It feels like I've been alone since childhood...
When I see photos of my siblings and parents having fun together, I cry...
I realize they only took my siblings out...
I was never taken anywhere after I was born...
I was born because my brother asked my mother to have another sister...
So she got pregnant...
Since elementary school, my parents have treated me this way...
I'm really scared...
Scared to the point of crying...
My mind is very complicated and fearful...
My thoughts are chaotic...
I have no attachment to the world...
I'm so scared that I sometimes think about suicide...
But I'm afraid my mother would collapse...
I don't know what to do...
It's very painful...
Can the doctor help me? Can you teach me how to change this symptom? I'm slowly adapting now...
but there's still fear in my heart...
I'm afraid this will relapse, and when it does, it will be uncontrollable!
Bing Mie, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/02/16
Dr. Chen Wenyu reply Psychiatry
Hello, Bing.
Based on your letter, it seems that you are a kind but lonely normal child.
You have no problems; the issue lies within your environment.
Every adolescent loves to fantasize.
Happy children imagine exaggerated and whimsical scenarios, while unhappy children envision a gray and gloomy world.
Have there been any other unhappy events in your life recently? Is it possible that too many things are happening at once, contributing to your current unhappiness? It seems that changing your environment is difficult, and it may be hard for your family to change their attitudes, right? Why not focus on changing yourself? Think back to what makes you happy (as long as it’s not illegal or inappropriate).
You should have good friends, right? Your good friends likely have other good friends too.
Engage in joyful activities, imagine happy scenarios, and spend more time chatting and interacting with friends.
Start with these aspects, and I believe you will find happiness again.
Thank you for your letter!
Reply Date: 2005/02/16
More Info
It sounds like you are experiencing a complex mix of emotions and symptoms that can be overwhelming. From what you've described, it seems that you are dealing with feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and possibly some dissociative experiences where you find yourself imagining conversations or interactions that aren't actually happening. This can be distressing, especially when it feels like these experiences are taking over your thoughts and actions.
Firstly, it's important to understand that what you're going through is not uncommon, especially for individuals who may feel isolated or unsupported. The feelings of loneliness and the desire for connection can lead to creating imaginary interactions as a coping mechanism. This is often a way for our minds to seek comfort in the absence of real social interaction. However, when these experiences begin to interfere with your daily life or cause you distress, it becomes crucial to address them.
You mentioned that you feel like you have no one to talk to and that your family is not providing the support you need. This lack of connection can exacerbate feelings of depression and anxiety. It's essential to find ways to connect with others, whether through friends, support groups, or even online communities where you can share your experiences and feelings without judgment.
Seeking professional help is also a vital step. While you mentioned that there may not be accessible mental health services in your area, consider looking for online therapy options. Many therapists offer virtual sessions, which can provide you with the support you need without the constraints of location. Additionally, if your school has a counseling center, it might be worth revisiting to express your concerns more clearly. Sometimes, it takes multiple attempts to find the right support.
In terms of coping strategies, here are a few suggestions that may help you manage your symptoms:
1. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process what you're experiencing. It can also serve as a way to track your mood and identify triggers for your anxiety or feelings of loneliness.
2. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce feelings of anxiety. Grounding techniques, such as focusing on your breath or engaging your senses (noticing what you can see, hear, feel, etc.), can help bring you back to the present moment when you feel overwhelmed.
3. Physical Activity: Engaging in regular physical activity can significantly improve your mood and reduce anxiety. Whether it's going for a walk, dancing, or any form of exercise you enjoy, movement can be a powerful tool for emotional regulation.
4. Creative Outlets: Channeling your feelings into creative activities like drawing, painting, or music can provide an emotional release and help you express what you're going through.
5. Establishing a Routine: Creating a daily routine can provide structure and a sense of normalcy, which can be comforting during times of distress.
6. Connecting with Others: Try to reach out to friends or peers, even if it's just a small interaction. Building connections, even online, can help alleviate feelings of loneliness.
7. Educating Yourself: Learning more about mental health can empower you to understand your experiences better. There are many resources available online that can provide valuable information.
Remember, it's okay to seek help and to express your feelings. You are not alone in this, and there are people and resources available to support you. Your feelings are valid, and taking steps to address them is a sign of strength. Please take care of yourself, and don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.
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