Sexual dysfunction
Since last October, after discovering my husband's infidelity and having an argument, although the issue has been resolved, he has been unable to achieve an erection.
We later visited a urologist for an examination, but everything came back normal.
The doctor suggested a referral to a psychiatrist, but he refused.
For the past six months, he has not felt any arousal regardless of the stimulation, and even after taking medication, he still lacks sufficient rigidity to engage in sexual activity.
As a result, we have completely lost our sexual life.
Although I have forgiven him and have been comforting him, he still feels very guilty and depressed, yet he is unwilling to seek medical help.
What can I do to help him? Is it possible that after such a long time without an erection, he may never be able to achieve one again?
Xiao Ke, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/03/17
Dr. Lin Yanhong reply Psychiatry
Hello, you have already visited a urologist for an examination, and everything was normal.
The doctor suggested a referral to a psychiatrist, but he refused.
It seems that your husband is aware that his erectile dysfunction may be psychogenic, but he is reluctant to confront this psychological issue.
There are times when he cannot achieve an erection while being with you, but he may have returned to a life of masturbation, although only he would know for sure.
The person who tied the knot must also untie it.
Your husband may indeed be experiencing erectile dysfunction due to arguments related to infidelity issues.
Does he have an interest in being intimate with you, or is he just going through the motions? His mindset can affect his performance.
It is important to discuss what he thinks about or worries about during intimacy, as these could be sources of psychological stress.
If these issues cannot be discussed, it will be difficult to overcome them.
If he is willing to talk, he can visit a sexual health clinic to seek assistance from a doctor.
Dr.
Lin
Reply Date: 2005/03/17
More Info
Sexual dysfunction following emotional trauma, such as the situation you described, can be a complex issue that intertwines both psychological and physiological factors. In your case, the emotional distress stemming from the discovery of infidelity has likely created a significant psychological barrier for your partner, which may be contributing to his erectile dysfunction (ED).
When a person experiences emotional trauma, it can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, all of which can adversely affect sexual function. In your partner's case, the guilt and shame he feels about the situation may be manifesting as a physical inability to achieve or maintain an erection, despite the absence of any physiological issues as confirmed by the urologist.
Here are some steps you can take to support him:
1. Open Communication: Encourage open and honest discussions about his feelings and concerns. It’s important that he feels safe expressing his emotions without fear of judgment. Let him know that you are there for him and that you understand the emotional turmoil he is experiencing.
2. Encourage Professional Help: While he may be resistant to seeing a mental health professional, it’s crucial to emphasize the benefits of therapy. A psychologist or psychiatrist can help him work through his feelings of guilt and anxiety, which may be contributing to his ED. You might suggest couples therapy as a way to address both of your feelings and improve your relationship.
3. Educate Together: Sometimes, understanding the physiological and psychological aspects of sexual dysfunction can help alleviate some of the stigma and fear associated with it. You could research together about how emotional trauma can impact sexual health, which may help him feel less isolated in his experience.
4. Explore Alternative Therapies: If he is open to it, consider exploring alternative therapies such as mindfulness, meditation, or yoga, which can help reduce anxiety and improve overall emotional well-being. These practices can also enhance body awareness and relaxation, potentially aiding in sexual function.
5. Gradual Intimacy: Focus on rebuilding intimacy without the pressure of sexual performance. Engage in non-sexual physical affection, such as cuddling, kissing, or simply spending quality time together. This can help foster a sense of closeness and connection that may eventually lead to a more comfortable sexual relationship.
6. Patience and Understanding: It’s essential to be patient with him as he navigates this challenging time. Reassure him that it’s okay to take things slow and that you are willing to support him through the process.
7. Discuss Medication Options: If he is open to it, you might suggest revisiting the idea of medication with a healthcare provider. Sometimes, a combination of therapy and medication can be effective in treating ED, especially when psychological factors are involved.
8. Monitor Progress: Keep track of any changes in his emotional state or sexual function. If he begins to show signs of improvement, even small ones, celebrate those milestones together.
It’s important to remember that recovery from emotional trauma and its effects on sexual function can take time. While it may feel discouraging now, many individuals do regain their sexual function after addressing the underlying emotional issues. Encourage him to be open to seeking help, and continue to provide your support and understanding throughout this journey.
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