Helping a Loved One Overcome Severe Depression: Practical Steps and Support

Depression..?

Hello Dr.
Chen,
My mother is 54 years old.
Since my father was diagnosed with lung cancer two years ago, she has been taking care of him in the hospital.
Unfortunately, my father passed away from his illness last October.
During that time, my mother developed mild depression.
My grandfather also passed away from liver cancer.
After my father's death, I arranged for my mother to travel abroad to help her relax, and she did seem to feel better during that time.
However, around the New Year, my mother started having trouble sleeping and eating, often feeling a tightness in her chest and lacking motivation.
She expressed that life feels monotonous and that she feels like she’s going crazy, saying that every day feels the same.

Additionally, my mother's brother was recently hospitalized due to terminal bile duct cancer, which has made her even more anxious.
The loss of my father also cut off our family's financial support.
All these factors have led to my mother being diagnosed with severe depression.
How can I help her?
I have suggested various recreational activities and exercises to see if any might interest her, hoping to help her through this low period, but she has shown no interest.
What should I do? If this continues, I fear I might also develop depression! I am currently working during the day and attending classes at night, while my younger brother is in high school.
During the day, it’s just my mother and my grandmother, who is partially disabled, at home, and I worry about potential accidents.

Although my mother is currently on medication for her condition, I am still very concerned.
I would like to ask if there are any methods to alleviate my mother's depression.
Thank you!
P.S.
My mother recently visited my grandmother and uncle, and my grandmother took her to a so-called famous "San Tai Zi" to ask for advice.
The response was that my mother is being haunted by debts from a past life, and although she is 54 years old, this year is particularly dangerous for her.
They suggested that she should contribute money if she has it, or help out if she doesn’t, and towards the end, they even said it would be best for her to see a doctor.
I was really taken aback! While I understand that supernatural matters are unpredictable, if I had been there to hear that, I would have been furious! Isn’t that just nonsense?

Y, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/04/08

Dr. Chen Guangpeng reply Psychiatry

Hello Rain, your mother indeed meets the criteria for a diagnosis of major depressive disorder.
In addition to pharmacotherapy, psychological or rehabilitation (occupational) therapy are also good options.
If there is a day treatment program available at a nearby hospital's psychiatry department, that would be ideal.
Further discussion with your mother's attending physician would be the best strategy.
Wishing her a speedy recovery.

Reply Date: 2005/04/08

More Info

Helping a loved one overcome severe depression can be a challenging and emotionally taxing journey, especially when they are dealing with multiple stressors, such as the loss of a spouse and ongoing family health issues. Your mother's situation is particularly complex, given the recent loss of your father, the stress of caregiving, and the additional grief from losing other family members. Here are some practical steps and support strategies you can consider to help her navigate this difficult time.

1. Encourage Professional Help
While your mother is already on medication, it’s crucial to ensure that she is receiving comprehensive care. Encourage her to continue seeing a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist, who can provide therapy alongside her medication. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective for depression and can help her develop coping strategies for her feelings of hopelessness and despair.

2. Be Present and Listen
Sometimes, the most powerful support you can offer is simply being there for her. Create a safe space where she feels comfortable expressing her feelings without judgment. Let her talk about her grief, fears, and frustrations. Active listening can help her feel validated and understood, which is crucial during such a vulnerable time.

3. Promote Healthy Routines
Encourage her to maintain a daily routine that includes regular meals, sleep, and physical activity. While she may not feel interested in activities, gently suggest small, manageable tasks. For instance, a short walk outside or even sitting in the sun can help improve her mood. You might also consider cooking healthy meals together, as nutrition plays a significant role in mental health.

4. Engage in Activities Together
While your mother may express disinterest in activities, try to engage her in low-pressure, enjoyable experiences. This could be watching a favorite movie, listening to music, or even simple crafts. The key is to keep the activities light and not to pressure her into participation. Sometimes, just being together in a shared space can be comforting.

5. Educate Yourself and Your Family
Understanding depression can help you and your family provide better support. Learn about the symptoms, treatment options, and the impact of grief on mental health. This knowledge can help you approach your mother’s situation with empathy and patience.

6. Encourage Social Connections
Isolation can exacerbate depression. Encourage your mother to reconnect with friends or family members, even if it’s just through phone calls or video chats. If she’s open to it, consider inviting friends over for a casual visit. Social support is vital for recovery.

7. Monitor for Warning Signs
Be vigilant for any signs that her depression is worsening, such as increased withdrawal, talk of self-harm, or significant changes in behavior. If you notice these signs, it may be necessary to seek immediate professional help or consider hospitalization if she poses a risk to herself.

8. Take Care of Yourself
Supporting someone with severe depression can take a toll on your own mental health. Make sure to carve out time for self-care and seek support for yourself, whether through friends, family, or a counselor. It’s essential to maintain your well-being so you can be there for your mother.

9. Address Cultural and Spiritual Beliefs
It’s important to respect your mother’s beliefs, including any spiritual or cultural practices she may find comfort in. However, it’s also vital to balance these beliefs with evidence-based medical treatment. If she is open to it, you might gently discuss the importance of professional help alongside her spiritual practices.

Conclusion
Helping your mother through her severe depression will require patience, understanding, and a multi-faceted approach. While it may feel overwhelming at times, remember that recovery is possible. Encourage her to seek professional help, be there to listen, and gently guide her towards healthier routines and social connections. By taking care of both her and yourself, you can navigate this challenging journey together.

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