How to Encourage a Loved One to Seek Mental Health Help

How to persuade him to seek medical attention?

Hello, doctor.
My father has faced financial issues due to a business failure, and over the years, he has become increasingly withdrawn and has discouraged my mother from socializing, which has led to resentment between them.
Their relationship has deteriorated, and recently he has even suspected my mother of infidelity.
He has become very suspicious and irritable, often claiming that our family looks down on him.
This behavior has escalated over the past few months, resulting in verbal and physical violence towards my mother, with him yelling at her from 10 PM until 3 AM, repeating the same insults.
I suspect he may be suffering from depression.
I have tried to take him to see a psychologist, but he refuses and does not acknowledge that he has a problem.
Additionally, he was recently hospitalized due to diabetes, and his health is deteriorating.
I have read online that diabetes patients are more prone to depression; is this true? What troubles me most is how to persuade him to see a mental health professional.
Can he be forcibly committed? Our family is on the verge of breaking apart, and my mother has left home due to his verbal and physical abuse.
I would appreciate any advice you can provide.
Thank you!

Hua Hua, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2005/07/25

Dr. Zhou Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Encouraging someone to see a psychiatrist is not an easy task.
Especially when it comes to your father, who has become suspicious and irritable; asking him to visit a psychiatrist may only make him angrier.
In such a situation, if your father does seek treatment, he may not be willing to cooperate with ongoing therapy, leading to poor expected outcomes.
While your father may not feel an urgency, the family is understandably very concerned.
According to current mental health laws, only individuals with severe mental illness can be subjected to involuntary treatment.
The determination of what constitutes severe mental illness must be made by a psychiatrist, and it typically applies when there are behaviors or risks of self-harm or harm to others.
If a person does not present for outpatient care, the physician cannot provide assistance.
1.
Therefore, it is advisable to discuss the possibility of seeking treatment with your father when he is in a more stable emotional state, as this is likely to be more successful than during times of emotional distress.
(Although you may feel a stronger urge to seek treatment when emotions are unstable.)
2.
Consider whether your father has any respected elders, friends, or even a trusted physician, such as his diabetes doctor, who could assist in encouraging him to go to the hospital.
3.
When seeking treatment, avoid emphasizing that it is for psychiatry or depression; instead, you might start with symptoms like insomnia, which your father may find more acceptable.
4.
Additionally, many hospitals no longer display "psychiatry" signs; instead, they may use terms like "psychosomatic medicine" or "stress relief clinic," which can be less stigmatizing for many individuals.

Remember, it is crucial for you to remain calm and maintain your own health during this time, as your father is indeed someone who needs care.
I hope he can soon regain his mental and physical well-being.

Reply Date: 2005/07/25

More Info

Encouraging a loved one to seek mental health help can be a challenging yet crucial step in addressing their emotional and psychological struggles. In your father's case, it appears that he is experiencing significant distress, which may be exacerbated by his recent business failures, health issues, and interpersonal conflicts within the family. Here are some strategies you can consider to help him seek the necessary support:

Understanding the Situation
1. Recognize the Signs: Your father's behavior, including social withdrawal, irritability, and accusations towards your mother, suggests he may be dealing with depression or anxiety. It's important to understand that mental health issues can manifest in various ways, including physical symptoms, such as fatigue or changes in appetite, which may be linked to his diabetes.

2. Connection Between Diabetes and Depression: Research has shown that individuals with chronic illnesses, such as diabetes, are at a higher risk for developing depression. The stress of managing a chronic condition, coupled with feelings of inadequacy or failure, can contribute to mental health issues. This connection may help you frame your concerns in a way that resonates with him.

Approaching the Conversation
3. Choose the Right Time: Timing is crucial when discussing sensitive topics. Find a moment when your father is relatively calm and open to conversation. Avoid bringing it up during heated moments or when he is already upset.

4. Express Concern, Not Judgment: Approach the conversation from a place of love and concern. Use "I" statements to express how his behavior affects you and the family. For example, "I feel worried when I see you upset and withdrawn," rather than "You need to see a doctor."
5. Normalize Seeking Help: Share examples of how seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You might mention how many people, including those in your community or family, have benefited from talking to a professional. This can help reduce the stigma he may feel about seeking help.

Offering Support
6. Suggest a Professional: If he is resistant to seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist, consider suggesting a general practitioner (GP) first. Sometimes, individuals are more comfortable discussing their mental health with a doctor they already trust. A GP can provide a referral to a mental health specialist if needed.

7. Accompany Him: Offer to go with him to the appointment. Having a supportive family member can make the process less intimidating. You can also help him prepare for the visit by discussing what he might want to share with the doctor.

8. Explore Alternatives: If he remains adamant about not seeking professional help, consider suggesting alternative forms of support, such as support groups or community resources. Sometimes, hearing from peers who have faced similar challenges can be more relatable.

Addressing Immediate Concerns
9. Safety First: Given the reports of verbal and physical violence, it is crucial to prioritize safety. If you or your mother feel threatened, it may be necessary to involve authorities or seek legal advice. In some cases, involuntary commitment may be an option if he poses a danger to himself or others, but this can be a complex process and should be approached with caution.

10. Family Therapy: If your father is open to it, family therapy could be a beneficial way to address the underlying issues affecting family dynamics. A therapist can facilitate communication and help each family member express their feelings in a safe environment.

Conclusion
Encouraging a loved one to seek mental health help requires patience, empathy, and understanding. It’s essential to approach the situation delicately, recognizing the complexities of mental health and the potential stigma associated with it. By expressing your concerns with love and support, you can help your father take the first steps toward healing. Remember, change takes time, and it’s important to remain supportive throughout this journey. If the situation escalates or becomes unmanageable, do not hesitate to seek professional guidance for yourself and your family.

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