Dear Doctor, I would like to ask you a question?
Dear Doctor,
Recently, when I am alone in a quiet place, I often feel as if someone is watching me, even though I can't see anyone (sometimes this happens even when I'm not alone).
At times, I also hear some sounds that terrify me.
A few years ago, I studied abroad alone, and after returning, I became very averse to small things (I made many mistakes there that I couldn't tell anyone about).
Since coming back, I have been experiencing a constant sense of "terrifying loneliness," often questioning whether my existence matters to others.
Lately, I frequently feel like running away and become very self-deprecating due to my academic performance or skills not being as good as others, thinking "I am useless." Sometimes, when I feel very down, I end up "hating myself," and I even harm myself (though not severely), but I regret it afterward.
Additionally, my mind keeps racing with very negative thoughts (about someone I like), and while I was abroad, I developed some strange habits, like constantly picking at my nails.
I am afraid to tell my family or see a doctor because I fear being seen as abnormal.
Please tell me what I should do.
P.S.
Thank you.
Xiao Ma, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2006/06/05
Dr. Chen Meizhu reply Psychiatry
Hello: From your letter, I can sense your distress.
Since the issues mentioned are significantly affecting your life and causing you psychological discomfort, I recommend that you bravely seek help from a psychiatrist or a psychosomatic specialist.
Through pharmacological and psychological behavioral therapy, you should be able to achieve noticeable improvement.
Facing the problem head-on is the only way to resolve it; do not hesitate to seek medical assistance.
Wishing you all the best!
Reply Date: 2006/06/05
More Info
It sounds like you are experiencing a range of distressing feelings and thoughts, which can be overwhelming and isolating. The sensations of feeling watched or hearing voices, especially when you are alone, can be particularly alarming. These experiences, combined with feelings of loneliness, self-doubt, and self-harm, suggest that you may be struggling with anxiety and possibly other mental health challenges.
Firstly, it’s important to acknowledge that what you are feeling is valid. Many people experience similar feelings of anxiety, especially after significant life changes, such as studying abroad. The pressure to perform well academically and socially can lead to feelings of inadequacy and isolation. It’s also common for individuals who have faced challenges or made mistakes in the past to develop a fear of judgment or rejection, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness.
The thoughts of self-harm, even if not severe, are concerning and should not be taken lightly. Self-harm can be a way of coping with emotional pain, but it is important to find healthier coping mechanisms. Engaging in self-harm can lead to a cycle of guilt and shame, which can further deepen feelings of worthlessness. It’s crucial to address these feelings in a constructive way.
Here are some steps you can take to help manage your feelings and seek support:
1. Reach Out for Help: While it may feel daunting, talking to a mental health professional can be incredibly beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings without judgment. Therapists are trained to help individuals navigate feelings of anxiety, depression, and self-harm. If you are worried about being seen as “different,” remember that mental health issues are common, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: It’s important to be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s a part of being human. Try to challenge negative thoughts about yourself by focusing on your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem.
3. Develop Healthy Coping Strategies: Instead of resorting to self-harm, consider healthier alternatives to cope with your emotions. This could include journaling, engaging in physical activity, practicing mindfulness or meditation, or exploring creative outlets like art or music. These activities can help distract you from negative thoughts and provide a sense of accomplishment.
4. Connect with Others: Although you may feel isolated, reaching out to friends or family members can help alleviate feelings of loneliness. Share your feelings with someone you trust; they may provide support and understanding. If you feel uncomfortable discussing your feelings with family, consider joining a support group where you can connect with others who may be experiencing similar challenges.
5. Limit Isolation: When you feel the urge to withdraw, try to engage in social activities, even if it’s just a small step, like going for a walk in a public place or attending a class. Being around others, even in a low-pressure environment, can help reduce feelings of loneliness.
6. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques: When you feel overwhelmed, practicing mindfulness can help bring you back to the present moment. Techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or grounding exercises (like focusing on your surroundings) can help reduce anxiety and create a sense of calm.
7. Avoid Substance Use: If you find yourself turning to substances (like alcohol or drugs) to cope with your feelings, try to avoid this path. Substance use can worsen anxiety and depression in the long run.
8. Educate Yourself: Understanding anxiety and its effects can empower you. There are many resources available, including books and online materials, that can provide insight into managing anxiety and improving mental health.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are people and resources available to help you navigate these feelings. Taking the first step to seek help can be challenging, but it is a crucial part of the healing process. You deserve support and the opportunity to feel better.
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