Your Child's Stealing Behavior: A Guide for Parents

Q: Your Child's Stealing Behavior: A Guide for Parents

Hello： This situation seems quite complex, has been ongoing for a long time, and there are no obvious signs of improvement. <br>It cannot be resolved quickly, so I recommend seeking regular treatment from a child and adolescent psychiatrist as soon as possible.

Theft of money?

Hello, Dr.
Chen.
After my daughter entered junior high school, I discovered that she had been secretly taking money from my purse since the fifth and sixth grades (she was too afraid to take from her father).
When I found out, I asked her why she needed so much money and where it was going, but she wouldn't say anything, only mentioning that she bought magazines, stationery, and other small items.
Initially, I was reluctant to accept this reality, but after I caught her a few times, I had no choice but to hide my wallet.
Sometimes, I even forget where I put it.
This situation has been very painful for me because she knows that I no longer trust her, but I don't want it to be this way! About six months ago, she said the school needed money for textbooks and activities, and over the course of one to two months, she took over ten thousand NT dollars from us.
When this was discovered, her father couldn't help but hit her, but she still wouldn't say where the money went.
Three weeks ago, she mentioned that the school needed money for handouts (since she is in the third year of junior high and preparing for exams).
Although I wanted to ask the teacher, I was too afraid to find out if she was lying again.
On the other hand, I wanted my daughter to know that I believe she is an honest child and that she has changed, so I still gave her over a thousand NT dollars.
However, just two days ago, she said the school needed another five hundred NT dollars for handouts.
I finally couldn't hold back and called the teacher to verify, and once again, she broke my trust.
After each incident, she always expresses remorse, blaming herself for not valuing her parents' love and trust.
How can we help her? Since she was young, she has not enjoyed studying (and often sleeps in class during her third year), and her grades are among the lowest.
We can only encourage her, but why does she keep lying and taking money after a while? Our whole family is suffering! Doctor, has my daughter developed a habit of stealing and spending money? She is only in the third year of junior high, and I truly don't know how she will manage her life in the future.
Please guide me.
Should I take her to see a doctor? But how do I bring it up?

Wu zhu de mu qin, 40~49 year old female. Ask Date: 2007/11/23

Dr. Chen Zhicai reply Psychiatry

Hello: This situation seems quite complex, has been ongoing for a long time, and there are no obvious signs of improvement.
It cannot be resolved quickly, so I recommend seeking regular treatment from a child and adolescent psychiatrist as soon as possible.

Reply Date: 2007/11/23

More Info

Understanding a child's stealing behavior can be a complex issue that often reflects deeper emotional or psychological challenges. In your case, it seems your daughter has developed a pattern of taking money without permission, which has understandably caused distress for both you and your family. Here’s a comprehensive guide to help you navigate this situation.

Understanding the Behavior
1. Emotional Needs: Children may steal for various reasons, including emotional needs that are not being met. They might feel neglected, anxious, or insecure, leading them to seek comfort or validation through material possessions. In your daughter's case, her actions may stem from a desire for control or a way to cope with feelings of inadequacy, especially if she struggles academically.

2. Peer Pressure: As children transition into middle school, they often face increased peer pressure. Your daughter may feel compelled to fit in or impress her friends, leading her to spend money on items that she believes will enhance her social status.

3. Impulsivity: Adolescents are still developing their impulse control. Your daughter may not fully understand the consequences of her actions, leading her to act without considering the impact on her relationship with you or the trust that has been broken.

4. Habit Formation: Once a child begins to steal, it can become a habit. The thrill of taking something without permission can be addictive, and the immediate gratification of acquiring something they want can overshadow the guilt or shame they feel afterward.

Steps to Address the Behavior
1. Open Communication: Start by having an open and non-judgmental conversation with your daughter. Express your concerns and feelings without accusing her. Ask her about her motivations for taking the money and listen to her perspective. This can help you understand her emotional state and the underlying issues.

2. Set Clear Boundaries: While it’s essential to communicate openly, it’s equally important to establish clear boundaries regarding money and trust. Make it clear that stealing is unacceptable and discuss the consequences of her actions. This helps her understand the seriousness of her behavior.

3. Encourage Responsibility: Help your daughter develop a sense of responsibility by involving her in discussions about money management. Teach her about budgeting and the value of money. Encourage her to earn her own money through chores or small jobs, which can foster a sense of accomplishment and reduce the urge to steal.

4. Seek Professional Help: Given the ongoing nature of the behavior and the emotional turmoil it has caused, it may be beneficial to seek the help of a mental health professional. A therapist can work with your daughter to address any underlying emotional issues, teach her coping strategies, and help rebuild trust between you.

5. Monitor Progress: Keep track of her behavior and any changes. Celebrate small victories when she demonstrates honesty or responsibility. Positive reinforcement can be a powerful motivator for change.

6. Family Support: Involve the whole family in the process. Encourage open discussions about feelings and challenges. A supportive family environment can help your daughter feel more secure and understood, reducing the likelihood of her resorting to stealing.

Conclusion
Addressing your daughter’s stealing behavior requires patience, understanding, and a proactive approach. It’s essential to create an environment where she feels safe discussing her feelings and challenges. By fostering open communication, setting clear boundaries, and seeking professional help if necessary, you can guide her toward healthier behaviors and restore trust within your family. Remember, change takes time, and your support will be crucial in helping her navigate this difficult phase.

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