Coping with Trauma: Seeking Help After Witnessing a Family Member's Death

Witnessing the death of a family member?

Hello: I have been very timid since childhood because my family often scared me with stories of the "Tiger Aunt." As a result, I have always been afraid to go into dark places or too far away from my family.
In the third or fourth grade, I discovered that my grandmother had committed suicide by hanging herself on the doorknob at home.
I was the first person to find her.
Although my grandmother's appearance after her death seemed peaceful, like she was just sleeping, my mother told me that people who hang themselves can have their tongues protruding and their eyes falling out.
During that time, whenever I closed my eyes, I would imagine my grandmother looking very disturbing.
Even now, four or five years later, I am still very scared and have become even more afraid of being alone.
Recently, with the arrival of the Ghost Month in the lunar calendar, my fears have intensified.
I would like to seek help from a doctor, hoping to return to my previous normal state and not experience such fear anymore.
Doctor, what can I do?

Xia Tian, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2008/08/20

Dr. Chen Zhicai reply Psychiatry

It's understandable to feel that way; consider visiting a pediatric and adolescent psychiatry outpatient clinic for evaluation.
Dr.
Chih-Tsai.

Reply Date: 2008/08/20

More Info

Coping with trauma, especially after witnessing a traumatic event such as the death of a family member, can be incredibly challenging. It’s important to acknowledge the profound impact that such experiences can have on mental health and overall well-being. In your case, witnessing your grandmother’s suicide at a young age has understandably left a lasting impression, leading to increased anxiety and fear, particularly in situations where you feel alone or vulnerable.

First and foremost, it’s crucial to understand that your feelings are valid. Trauma can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks, and a heightened sense of fear or hyper-vigilance. The fact that you are seeking help is a positive step towards healing. Here are some strategies and recommendations that may assist you in coping with your trauma:
1. Professional Help: Consider seeking the support of a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. They can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and help you process the trauma. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for trauma-related issues, as it helps individuals reframe negative thoughts and develop coping strategies.

2. Support Groups: Connecting with others who have experienced similar traumas can be incredibly beneficial. Support groups provide a platform for sharing experiences and coping strategies, which can help reduce feelings of isolation and fear.

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can help reduce anxiety and promote a sense of calm. These techniques encourage you to focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on past traumas.

4. Gradual Exposure: If certain situations trigger your anxiety, consider gradually exposing yourself to these situations in a controlled manner. This could involve spending short periods alone in safe environments and gradually increasing the duration as you become more comfortable.

5. Journaling: Writing about your feelings and experiences can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions. Journaling allows you to express your thoughts and may help you gain insights into your fears and anxieties.

6. Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Maintaining a balanced diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep can significantly impact your mental health. Physical activity, in particular, has been shown to reduce anxiety and improve mood.

7. Limit Exposure to Triggers: During particularly sensitive times, such as the lunar month you mentioned, it may be helpful to limit exposure to triggers that exacerbate your fears. This could involve avoiding certain media or discussions that remind you of the trauma.

8. Reach Out to Loved Ones: Don’t hesitate to lean on friends and family for support. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can provide comfort and reassurance.

9. Educate Yourself: Understanding trauma and its effects can empower you. Learning about common reactions to trauma can help normalize your feelings and reduce self-blame.

10. Set Realistic Goals: Recovery from trauma is a process that takes time. Set small, achievable goals for yourself, and celebrate your progress along the way.

In conclusion, it’s essential to approach your healing journey with patience and compassion for yourself. Trauma recovery is not linear, and it’s okay to seek help and take the time you need to heal. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources and support available to help you regain a sense of normalcy and peace in your life.

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