the Connection Between Sexual Desire and Mental Health

Sex and Psychological Issues

Hello, Dr.
Liu.
I am one of your former patients, and I have a question that only you can answer perfectly! I am 22 years old and currently single, but I want to have a girlfriend like everyone else.
However, I have a strong sexual drive, so I have tried to become a cold person to reduce my desires.
Whenever I see a girl I like, I want to talk to her, but I remind myself that I am an emotionless person in order to suppress my urges.
At the same time, I want to be independent and not rely on others, which has also made me quite cold.
However, I cannot detach myself from my parental feelings.
I truly don’t know what to do.

Xiao Wen, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2002/01/20

Dr. Liu Jianting reply Urology

During your prime youthful years, your reactions are completely normal.
There's no need to suppress yourself; on the other hand, you should have confidence in yourself.
It's fine to have fun and play it cool, but don't take it too seriously, or you'll end up suffering the consequences.
The world of desire is indeed fascinating.
As Confucius said, "Food and sex are fundamental to human nature." It ultimately depends on how you navigate it.

Reply Date: 2002/01/20

More Info

Understanding the connection between sexual desire and mental health is a complex and multifaceted issue. At the age of 22, it is natural to experience strong sexual urges, especially if you are interested in forming romantic relationships. However, the way you are managing these desires—by adopting a cold demeanor to suppress your feelings—may not be the healthiest approach for your mental well-being or your ability to connect with others.

Sexual desire is a fundamental aspect of human nature, and it can be influenced by various factors, including biological, psychological, and social elements. It is important to recognize that having sexual desires does not make you a bad person or diminish your worth. Instead of suppressing these feelings, it may be more beneficial to explore them in a healthy and constructive manner.

1. Understanding Your Feelings: It seems that you are struggling with a conflict between your desire for intimacy and your fear of vulnerability. This is common among individuals who have experienced emotional challenges or who have been conditioned to believe that expressing feelings is a sign of weakness. It is essential to acknowledge that vulnerability can lead to deeper connections and personal growth.

2. Healthy Expression of Desire: Rather than trying to become emotionally detached, consider finding ways to express your feelings in a healthy manner. This could involve engaging in open conversations with potential partners, where you can share your interests and desires without fear of judgment. Building a foundation of trust and communication can help alleviate the pressure you feel regarding your sexual urges.

3. Seeking Professional Help: If you find that your sexual desires are causing significant distress or impacting your mental health, it may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, understand the underlying causes of your emotional detachment, and develop healthier coping strategies.

4. Balancing Independence and Connection: While striving for independence is admirable, it is also important to recognize that human beings are inherently social creatures. Building connections with others does not mean you are dependent on them; rather, it can enhance your sense of self and contribute positively to your mental health. Finding a balance between independence and connection is key.

5. Exploring Relationships: When you meet someone you are interested in, try to approach the situation with curiosity rather than fear. Instead of focusing solely on the sexual aspect, consider what you can learn from the person and how you can grow together. This mindset shift can help reduce anxiety and allow for a more authentic connection.

6. Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate these feelings. It is normal to have sexual desires, and it is okay to want to explore relationships. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. Practicing self-compassion can help you develop a healthier relationship with your desires and your self-image.

In conclusion, understanding the connection between sexual desire and mental health involves recognizing the importance of healthy expression, seeking support, and finding a balance between independence and connection. By addressing your feelings openly and compassionately, you can work towards building meaningful relationships while maintaining your mental well-being. Remember, it is okay to seek help and guidance as you navigate this journey.

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