Overcoming Emotional Struggles: Strategies for Self-Adjustment - Psychiatry

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How to self-adjust?


Hello doctor, I often feel down and my complexion reflects that.
This creates a vicious cycle where I just can't seem to feel happy.
I easily recall past failures, such as times when I didn't perform well or felt weak.
I find myself crying in front of others, feeling wronged, which makes me feel like a joke.
I also lack motivation; I don't want to read because I'm afraid that even if I do, I'll perform poorly, leading to self-denial.
As a result, I can't fully concentrate on studying, as it feels like I'm holding onto hope that things will get better.
However, if I actually try and fail, I lose that hope, so I think it's better not to act impulsively to avoid despair, which prevents me from giving my all.
My inability to take action feels like a curse—I often tell myself that I don't believe I can succeed, and this mindset never allows my problems to disappear.
How can I overcome this barrier of "fear of failure"? Because of this fear, I can't push myself forward, and then I just get frustrated with myself for not being able to achieve anything.
It feels like I am accomplishing nothing, and my mind keeps spiraling with these thoughts, leaving me exhausted.
Why can't I ever feel happy? It seems like nothing can bring me joy.
How can I adjust my mindset?

soul, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2010/04/06

Dr. Chen Wenyu reply Psychiatry


Hello, Soul: "Always"? How long has it been? Has it been like this since childhood, or did it develop after some setbacks? If it has been this way since childhood, it may be related to personality issues, such as introversion and lack of self-confidence.
Changing a personality that has been formed over thirty years is not an easy task.
Consider how you view this unique aspect of yourself; after all, it is the only one that belongs to you among billions of people in the world.
If you do not cherish and understand it, who else will be able to accept it? If it is a result of setbacks, it may be related to "environmental adaptation disorder combined with depression and low self-esteem." Identifying the problem and facing it is essential to solving it, isn't it? Based on your letter, you are indeed in a state of depression.
This state may be related to your inherent personality and environment, but regardless, you already feel uncomfortable with these symptoms, so they need to be addressed.
Psychological issues cannot be completely resolved with just one or two consultations with a physician or by taking medication; it requires patience.
After all, changing one's "personality" is very difficult.
However, if you wish to change and actively seek help, personality can be modified.
Therefore, I recommend seeking assistance from a psychiatrist and engaging in psychological counseling.
In my experience, a sustained course of antidepressant treatment can indeed improve these symptoms.
Throughout the treatment process, make an effort to appreciate this "gradual change," and regularly reflect on and store these positive experiences in your mind.
Over time, this will lead to a change in personality.
Thank you for your letter!

Reply Date: 2010/04/06

More Info


Hello! Thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences. It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, and I commend you for seeking guidance on how to navigate these emotional struggles. Your situation reflects a common cycle of negative thoughts and feelings that can be overwhelming, but there are strategies that can help you break this cycle and foster a more positive outlook.

Firstly, it's important to recognize that the feelings you are experiencing—such as sadness, anxiety, and fear of failure—are valid and not uncommon. Many people struggle with similar emotions, especially when faced with past disappointments or a fear of not meeting expectations. This can lead to a negative feedback loop where the fear of failure prevents you from taking action, which in turn reinforces feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness.

Here are some strategies that may help you in your journey toward emotional adjustment:
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This therapeutic approach focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns. By recognizing irrational beliefs (like "I will fail if I try"), you can challenge these thoughts and replace them with more constructive ones. For example, instead of thinking, "I will fail," you might reframe it to, "I may not succeed this time, but I can learn from the experience."
2. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment rather than getting lost in past failures or future anxieties. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can reduce stress and improve emotional regulation. Apps like Headspace or Calm can guide you through mindfulness exercises.

3. Set Small, Achievable Goals: Instead of overwhelming yourself with large tasks, break them down into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate small victories, which can help build your confidence and motivation. For instance, if studying feels daunting, set a goal to read just one page or complete one problem.

4. Positive Affirmations: Challenge negative self-talk by using positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your strengths and past successes, no matter how small. For example, you might say, "I am capable of learning and improving," or "I have overcome challenges before."
5. Seek Support: Talking to someone you trust about your feelings can provide relief and perspective. Whether it's a friend, family member, or mental health professional, sharing your experiences can help you feel less isolated. Professional counseling or therapy can be particularly beneficial in providing tailored strategies and support.

6. Engage in Activities You Enjoy: Even if you don’t feel like it, try to engage in activities that you once found enjoyable. This could be reading, drawing, or spending time with friends. Sometimes, taking action, even when you don't feel like it, can help lift your mood.

7. Limit Exposure to Triggers: If certain situations or people exacerbate your feelings of inadequacy, it may be helpful to limit your exposure to them, at least temporarily. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who uplift you rather than those who bring you down.

8. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone has struggles and that it's okay to feel the way you do. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend in a similar situation.

9. Physical Activity: Regular exercise can significantly improve mood and reduce anxiety. Even a short walk can help clear your mind and boost your endorphins.

10. Professional Help: If your feelings of sadness and hopelessness persist, it may be beneficial to seek help from a mental health professional. They can provide you with tools and strategies tailored to your specific needs.

In conclusion, overcoming emotional struggles is a process that takes time and effort. It's important to be patient with yourself as you work through these feelings. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. By implementing these strategies and possibly seeking professional support, you can begin to shift your mindset and find a path toward greater emotional well-being. Take care!

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