Hello, doctor. Can you please tell me what is happening to me?
I've recently been feeling very strange inside...
I keep having thoughts of wanting to destroy everything...
like the feeling of wanting to reset my computer...
Recently, I've been exposed to too many news stories about social issues, including the death penalty...
I can't believe I've found myself thinking about the thoughts and feelings of death row inmates...
even having thoughts of harming my own family...
I don't know why...
(but I find it even more unforgivable than suicidal thoughts) Of course, my family treats me very well...
yet I still entertain these outrageous thoughts...
Then, in the next moment, I think that none of this really matters...
and then I feel like I'm worse than garbage or scum...
but then again, I find myself wanting to try different life experiences...
and then I think, no! I can't do those things! I should strive to be someone great, to stand at the top...
I keep oscillating between these positive and negative thoughts...
Hmm...
Doctor, you might think I'm really sick or find this amusing...
I don't know if I'm just too idle, or if my life lacks goals and joy, or if my stomach issues and acid reflux are making me feel this way, or if I don't have friends...
What should I do, doctor!? Should I take medication!?
Qoo, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2010/06/15
Dr. Li Zhengfeng reply Psychiatry
Hello: First of all, thank you for your letter.
According to what you mentioned in your correspondence, it seems that you are currently experiencing obsessive thoughts.
Individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) often find themselves trapped in a cycle of meaningless and distressing repetitive thoughts and behaviors that they cannot escape.
The manifestations of OCD can range from mild to severe; however, if the symptoms are severe and left untreated, they can significantly impair a person's ability to work or perform in school.
Mild cases of OCD may benefit from non-pharmacological treatments such as behavioral therapy, while more severe cases may require pharmacological intervention.
I recommend that you seek an in-person evaluation from a psychiatrist.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Thank you.
Reply Date: 2010/06/15
More Info
It sounds like you are experiencing a significant amount of distress and confusion regarding your thoughts and feelings. The thoughts you describe—wanting to destroy everything, contemplating extreme actions, and fluctuating between negative and positive feelings—can be quite alarming and may indicate that you are struggling with your mental health. It's important to understand that having disturbing thoughts does not mean you are "crazy" or "funny"; rather, it can be a sign that you need support.
Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize that thoughts of harming oneself or others, even if they are fleeting or hypothetical, should be taken seriously. These thoughts can arise from various underlying issues, such as anxiety, depression, or unresolved trauma. The fact that you are aware of these thoughts and are questioning them is a positive step, as it shows you are reflecting on your mental state.
You mentioned feeling like you want to "reset" everything, akin to reinstalling a computer. This metaphor suggests a desire for a fresh start or relief from overwhelming feelings. However, it’s essential to address the root causes of these feelings rather than seeking to escape them. Engaging in self-destructive thoughts or actions is not a solution and can lead to more significant problems.
Given the intensity of your thoughts, it would be wise to seek help from a mental health professional. A psychologist or psychiatrist can provide a safe space for you to explore these thoughts and feelings without judgment. They can help you understand the underlying issues contributing to your distress and work with you to develop coping strategies. Therapy can also help you process any feelings of guilt or shame associated with your thoughts.
In terms of medication, this is a decision that should be made in consultation with a healthcare provider. Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications can be beneficial for some individuals, but they are not a one-size-fits-all solution. A mental health professional can assess your situation and determine if medication is appropriate for you.
Additionally, consider incorporating self-care practices into your daily routine. Activities such as exercise, mindfulness meditation, journaling, and spending time in nature can help alleviate some of the emotional turmoil you are experiencing. Connecting with friends or family, even if it feels challenging, can also provide support and help combat feelings of isolation.
It’s also important to limit exposure to distressing news or media that may exacerbate your feelings. While it’s natural to be curious about current events, consuming too much negative information can impact your mental health.
In summary, your feelings and thoughts are valid, and seeking help is a courageous and necessary step. You are not alone in this, and there are professionals who can guide you through these challenging times. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Take care of yourself, and prioritize your mental well-being.
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