Intrusive Thoughts: Why We Struggle to Control Negative Thinking

Why is it that rationally knowing a thought is harmful does not prevent the thought from arising?

I am currently a fourth-year student, and I feel that I study very hard.
However, I also feel a lot of pressure and am constantly tense in everything I do.
I hope to achieve good grades, but since the third year of junior high, I have been unable to overcome my psychological barriers.
I consider myself to be kind-hearted, yet I sometimes find myself wishing for others to perform poorly.
When this thought arises, I question why I have such feelings and frequently correct myself, reminding myself that I shouldn't think this way.

When someone treats me well, I sometimes think that their kindness is insincere, even though I know they genuinely mean well.
I quickly correct myself, but then I wonder why I have such shameless thoughts.
Even when I walk down the street, I find myself criticizing others for their appearance, only to remind myself to focus on my own behavior.

In class, I often notice my classmates who perform well, and I can't help but pay attention to them.
When the teacher is lecturing, I diligently take notes, but if I notice that a high-performing student isn't taking notes, a thought pops into my head: "Haha, they aren't taking notes; I can surpass them." I immediately correct myself, reminding myself to focus on my own progress rather than comparing myself to others.
Yet, I still question why I have such despicable thoughts, which distracts me from concentrating on the lesson, causing me to miss important information or fail to absorb what I hear because I'm preoccupied with my negative thoughts.
During exams, I often find myself distracted, hoping that others will perform poorly.
As a result, I write my answers slowly, and many mistakes I make are due to carelessness.
I struggle to concentrate on the exam itself.
Once, a classmate asked me a question about our homework, and I found their behavior odd, thinking they were foolish.
Even though they asked me a question I knew how to answer, I was too caught up in my judgment of them to think clearly, which led me to forget how to solve the problem.
My grades have been declining, and the pressure has become overwhelming.
Although I recognize that I have these obsessive thoughts, I can't seem to resolve them.
This situation has persisted for two years now.
I have tried to overcome it by seeing a psychologist, reading books about my thought patterns, discussing it with my family, searching for information online, and even praying.
I believe I cannot be defeated by these thoughts, so at first, I tried to bear the burden alone.
However, in the second semester of my third year, I realized that my grades had plummeted from being first in my class in the first year to around 17th or 18th place now.
I even scored in the 60s on major exams, sometimes failing.
My goal is to attend a prestigious school, but since the second year of junior high, I have felt that I lack the strong willpower that other capable students possess to maintain my goals.
By the second semester of my third year, I completely gave up on myself, thinking I was beyond help.
Consequently, my scores on the placement tests were poor, and I am now in a fourth-year class.
I hope this opportunity will allow me to try again, but I still struggle with these negative thoughts.
I hope you can help me with your professional knowledge.
Thank you!

Feng, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/04/05

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello! First of all, I want to encourage you; you are a good person with a delicate mindset and the ability for self-reflection.
The competitive mentality is something everyone experiences and is not pathological.
The struggle between opposing thoughts is the source of our suffering.
We must first accept that none of us are saints; we all wish to do well, perhaps even better than others.
However, as long as we do not harm others in our actions, that is sufficient.

In terms of mindset, try to focus on helping others or wishing for their happiness.
You can start with those you care about, or with people who do not have competitive interests, or those who are weaker than you; this is generally easier.
The way to deal with repetitive or intrusive thoughts is to recognize them and immediately engage in another activity.
There is no need to try to suppress them or dwell in regret, as that leads to an endless cycle of distress.

Please consider the above suggestions.
Additionally, since you are in your fourth year of high school and exams are approaching, if needed, seeing a doctor for short-term medication to calm your mind for studying is also a viable option.
Wishing you success in your exams.

Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2011/04/05

More Info

Understanding intrusive thoughts, especially in the context of academic pressure and self-expectation, is crucial for managing mental health. Your experience reflects a common struggle among students, particularly those who are highly motivated yet face significant stress. Intrusive thoughts can manifest as unwanted, often negative ideas that disrupt concentration and lead to feelings of guilt or shame.
From your description, it seems that you are experiencing a cycle of negative thinking that is exacerbated by the pressure to perform academically. This is not uncommon, especially in competitive environments. The thoughts you describe—wishing for others to fail, doubting the intentions of those who are kind to you, and criticizing others—are examples of intrusive thoughts that can lead to significant distress. The key issue here is that these thoughts are automatic and often contradictory to your values and beliefs, which creates internal conflict.

The first step in managing these intrusive thoughts is to recognize that they do not define you. Everyone experiences unwanted thoughts from time to time, and having them does not make you a bad person. It’s essential to practice self-compassion and understand that these thoughts are a part of being human. The more you fight against them, the more power they can seem to have over you. This is known as the paradox of thought suppression; trying to suppress negative thoughts often leads to an increase in their frequency and intensity.

Here are some strategies that may help you cope with intrusive thoughts:
1. Mindfulness and Acceptance: Practicing mindfulness can help you observe your thoughts without judgment. Instead of trying to push them away, acknowledge their presence and let them pass without engaging with them. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or simply focusing on the present moment can be beneficial.

2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This therapeutic approach is effective for managing intrusive thoughts. CBT helps you identify and challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more balanced and realistic ones. Working with a therapist can provide you with tools to reframe your thoughts and reduce their impact on your daily life.

3. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts can help you externalize them and gain perspective. You might find it helpful to keep a journal where you can express your feelings and thoughts without judgment. This can also help you track patterns in your thinking and identify triggers.

4. Focus on Action: Instead of getting caught up in your thoughts, redirect your energy towards actions that align with your goals. Set small, achievable tasks for yourself each day, and celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how minor they may seem.

5. Limit Comparisons: It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others, especially in a school setting. Try to focus on your own progress and set personal goals that are independent of others’ achievements. Remember that everyone has their own journey and struggles.

6. Seek Support: Continue to talk to your family and friends about your feelings. Sometimes, just sharing what you’re going through can alleviate some of the burden. Additionally, consider ongoing sessions with a mental health professional who can provide tailored strategies and support.

7. Physical Activity: Regular exercise can significantly reduce stress and anxiety levels. Engaging in physical activity releases endorphins, which can improve your mood and help clear your mind.

8. Healthy Routines: Establishing a routine that includes time for study, relaxation, and social activities can help create a sense of balance in your life. Ensure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking breaks when needed.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take the time you need to work through these challenges. Your mental health is just as important as your academic success, and finding a balance that works for you is key. With persistence and the right strategies, you can learn to manage intrusive thoughts and reduce their impact on your life.

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