Trapped Thoughts: Navigating Trust and Support in Mental Health

Trapped thoughts

I am someone who strives to find solutions when facing difficulties, so I seek advice from others and consult my colleagues.
However, I have noticed that when I am in a really bad situation, my colleagues are more willing to help me.
Yet, when my situation improves, or I make progress, I share my gratitude with them and talk about how I feel better and what has improved.
At the same time, I find myself having a troubling thought (which I dislike because it reflects my distrust of others and a negative view of people): I feel that when I talk about my improvements, my colleagues become less enthusiastic or maintain a distance, as if they can no longer share more with me or teach me further, fearing that they might be overshadowed by my progress.
I wonder if this is just my own perception.
It feels like when I am in a pitiful situation, people are more willing to help, or there are those who empathize with my struggles and offer support.
Is this a sign of my distrust in others? I clearly desire connection, yet I am plagued by these troubling thoughts that I cannot suppress, even feeling a bit guilty for thinking of others this way.
I become suspicious during conversations with my colleagues, which makes me question if I am imagining things.
I find myself exhausted by these thoughts! It seems that when I express pain or frustration, no one wants to listen; complaints drive people away, and it feels like only when I reach a breaking point do I receive help.
My concern lies in why I feel a sense of loss when I perceive my own progress, as if those who were willing to help me are "seemingly" drifting away (a feeling of alienation that I can't shake).
I even find myself thinking that I shouldn't improve, as this would allow me to maintain good relationships with friends and continue receiving support.
What is wrong with me? These strange thoughts have me trapped.
Worrying about these trivial matters prevents me from fully expressing myself.
Is there a way to stop thinking like this? Thank you.

sel, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/05/02

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, the issue you mentioned is very insightful! When we face painful situations, it seems easier to receive care and assistance from others; when our circumstances improve, we may feel that the affection from others has diminished significantly.
This is not surprising and is something that many people experience; it is simply human nature! Conversely, we tend to feel compassion and a desire to help those who are suffering, while maintaining that same willingness to listen and assist those who are doing just as well or even better than us requires a high level of personal development.

To give an extreme example, we generally do not think that prominent figures like President Ma or Terry Gou need our concern and help; however, we naturally feel compassion and a desire to assist those who are gravely ill or very impoverished.
Additionally, being able to recognize our own desire for others' care, or even wishing that our ailments do not improve to avoid losing that precious friendship and concern, is a commendable form of self-reflection.
I believe that having this understanding is the beginning of transcending this psychological state.

Perhaps you are someone who values emotional connections deeply, but sometimes it may also stem from a lack of confidence in yourself.
In my experience, many people go through similar situations, but your self-awareness is a rare and valuable trait, and it will undoubtedly lead to improvement in the future.
Wishing you all the best.

Sincerely,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2011/05/02

More Info

Navigating trust and support in mental health can be a complex and often challenging journey, especially when one feels trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts and self-doubt. Your experience reflects a common struggle many individuals face when they begin to heal or improve their circumstances. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid and not uncommon.

Firstly, it’s essential to understand the psychological concept of "conditional support." Often, people may feel that their worthiness of support is tied to their struggles. When you are in a difficult situation, it’s easier to receive help because others may empathize with your pain. However, as you begin to improve, you might perceive a shift in the dynamics of your relationships. This can lead to feelings of isolation or fear that your progress will alienate those who once supported you. This is not a reflection of your worth or the sincerity of your colleagues’ support; rather, it’s a manifestation of your internal fears and insecurities.

The thoughts you describe—feeling that colleagues may withdraw their support as you improve—can stem from a fear of abandonment or a belief that your value is tied to your struggles. This is often rooted in past experiences where support was conditional or where you may have felt that your worth was only recognized in times of need. It’s crucial to challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself if there is concrete evidence that your colleagues are less supportive when you share your successes. Often, our minds can create narratives that are not based on reality.

Moreover, your feelings of guilt for wanting to share your progress are also significant. It’s natural to want to celebrate achievements, yet the fear of being perceived as "better" or "moving on" can create a barrier to authentic connections. Remember, sharing your progress can also inspire others and foster a supportive environment where everyone feels encouraged to grow.
To address these feelings, consider the following strategies:
1. Self-Reflection: Journaling can be a powerful tool. Write down your thoughts and feelings about your progress and your relationships. This can help you identify patterns in your thinking and separate your fears from reality.

2. Open Communication: If you feel comfortable, share your feelings with your colleagues. They may not even be aware of how you perceive their reactions. Honest conversations can strengthen relationships and clarify misunderstandings.

3. Therapeutic Support: Engaging with a mental health professional can provide you with tools to navigate these feelings. Therapy can help you explore the roots of your trust issues and develop healthier thought patterns.

4. Mindfulness Practices: Techniques such as mindfulness meditation can help you stay present and reduce anxiety about how others perceive you. This practice can also help you detach from negative thoughts and foster a more compassionate view of yourself.

5. Celebrate Progress: Allow yourself to celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Recognizing your growth is essential for building self-esteem and reinforcing the idea that you are worthy of support regardless of your circumstances.

6. Build a Supportive Network: Surround yourself with individuals who encourage open dialogue about mental health. This can create a more supportive environment where everyone feels safe to share both struggles and successes.

In conclusion, it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings of distrust and fear of losing support are common in the journey of mental health recovery. By actively working to challenge these thoughts, engaging in open communication, and seeking professional support, you can begin to navigate these feelings more effectively. Remember, your progress does not diminish your relationships; instead, it can enhance them by fostering a culture of mutual support and understanding.

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