Struggling with Mental Health: Seeking Help for Self-Harm and Anxiety

Hello, I don't know what to do?

Hello doctor, I visited you over two years ago.
After taking medication, I self-harmed, and my family decided to dispose of all my medication.
As a result, I often feel very distressed.
Initially, I experienced sleepwalking, and later I became afraid to leave my room.
I go out less than three times a day, and I don't even dare to go to the neighboring town.
Going out alone is very difficult for me.
I really want to return to Changhua for treatment, but I can't afford it because my family stopped paying for my health insurance.
Recently, I have been feeling even worse due to my friend’s suicide, and I often think about ways to end my own life.
I have also tried to self-harm with a knife.
When I was in Taichung, I was forcibly hospitalized due to my self-harming behavior, but then my family inexplicably brought me back to Changhua.
I know I have problems, but I don’t know what to do.
I have a verbal agreement with a friend in emergency services regarding a suicide contract, but recently I have been thinking about terminating it, and he does not agree.
I often feel extremely exhausted from holding on.
What should I do? Is it really necessary to end my life this way? I can help others, but I can't help myself.
Thank you for your assistance.
Also, I would like to know about the medical term "Borderline Personality Disorder" and its symptoms, as a hospital in Taichung mentioned that I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and a phobia.

MM, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/08/03

Dr. Lin Junyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello MM, you mentioned, "I know there is something wrong, but I don't know what to do." Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step towards improving your situation! While I cannot remember all the cases I have seen, I am glad that you are willing to consult us in times of crisis.

First, we need to address the issue regarding health insurance.
Could you please inquire with the National Health Insurance Administration about emergency assistance programs available for those who have difficulty maintaining their insurance but still require medical services? The social work department at related hospitals can also provide assistance.

Of course, do not give up on yourself easily.
I know many individuals who have successfully overcome recurring self-harm and suicidal thoughts and have moved on to a new life.
You can take your verbal agreements with supportive friends seriously and fight against negative thoughts.
This is not easy, so I encourage you to visit our hospital or Taichung Friendship Hospital so we can discuss this with you!
Individuals with borderline personality traits often experience emotional instability and are more sensitive to changes in interpersonal or intimate relationships than others.
After investing emotionally, if they do not receive a reciprocal response, they may easily fall into self-denial and give up on themselves.
It is also common for them to have co-occurring depressive disorders.

I want to remind you that even if the diagnosis is the same, each person is a unique individual with different traits, and the treatment and support needed can vary.
Online consultations can provide you with some direction, and I hope you can seek medical attention as soon as possible.
Wishing you all the best!

Reply Date: 2011/08/03

More Info

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's really important that you talk to someone who can help you, such as a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life.

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