Overcoming Negative Thoughts and Emotional Instability: A Journey to Healing

Negative thoughts and emotional instability?

Hello, Doctor.
Since childhood, due to family discord and being isolated by teachers and classmates, I have developed self-harming habits starting from fifth grade, using items like metal rulers and utility knives, and even having suicidal thoughts.
In the second year of junior high, I was taken to see a psychiatrist.
I’m not sure if I expressed myself poorly, but the doctor told me my IQ was around 80, which is considered below average.
After that, I was harshly criticized by my teachers and parents, and I temporarily stopped these behaviors, but I feel that my internal issues have not improved.

During my senior year of high school, due to academic pressure and interpersonal relationship stress, I couldn’t hold on any longer and began to self-harm again as a way to cope.
My emotions have become increasingly volatile, and I often feel unable to concentrate.
Half of my week is spent submerged in negative emotions, and my lack of self-confidence worsens daily.
I believe my future is hopeless.
Whenever negative emotions arise, I feel suffocated and have difficulty breathing.

I am a creator and I love to draw, but I can’t muster the same enthusiasm as before.
I can’t sit still and am easily distracted.
Now, whenever I attempt to draw, negative emotions flood over me, and these thoughts are truly affecting me.
I hope to find some improvement.
I’m unsure if my current situation requires me to seek medical help again.
I have had a not-so-good experience with previous consultations, and I’m hesitant to go back.
I want to first explore online information to see if I need this kind of help.

Finally, thank you for reading my message.
I tried to keep it brief, but it still turned out to be lengthy, and I apologize if some parts are not well expressed.
(I think I accidentally submitted it twice, and I apologize for any inconvenience caused.)

Niming, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2024/07/11

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry

Hello.
Your current physical and mental condition has caused significant distress.
It is advisable to seek treatment at a mental health clinic to facilitate improvement.
Additionally, you can call the 1925 mental health hotline for similar counseling services.

Reply Date: 2024/07/11

More Info

It sounds like you are going through a very challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to share your experiences. Your journey reflects a deep struggle with emotional instability and negative thoughts, which can be incredibly overwhelming. The feelings of isolation, self-harm, and hopelessness you describe are serious and deserve attention and care.

From what you've shared, it appears that your difficulties began in childhood, stemming from a lack of harmony in your family and experiences of bullying. These early experiences can have a lasting impact on mental health, often leading to feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt. The fact that you have engaged in self-harm and have had suicidal thoughts indicates that you are in significant emotional pain. It’s crucial to understand that these feelings are not a reflection of your worth or potential; rather, they are symptoms of deeper issues that can be addressed with the right support.

You mentioned that you sought help in the past but did not have a positive experience. This can be disheartening, and it’s understandable that you might feel hesitant to seek help again. However, it’s important to remember that not all healthcare providers are the same, and finding the right therapist or psychiatrist can make a significant difference in your healing journey. A supportive and understanding professional can help you explore your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work through the underlying issues contributing to your emotional distress.

Your passion for art is a valuable outlet, and it’s concerning that negative emotions are interfering with your creativity. Engaging in creative activities can be therapeutic, providing a means to express feelings that may be difficult to articulate verbally. It might be helpful to approach your art without the pressure of producing something perfect. Allow yourself to create freely, using it as a way to process your emotions rather than as a measure of success.

In terms of your current emotional state, it sounds like you are experiencing symptoms consistent with depression and anxiety, including difficulty concentrating, feelings of hopelessness, and physical symptoms like shortness of breath. These symptoms can be debilitating, and they often require a multi-faceted approach to treatment. This may include therapy, medication, or a combination of both. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for addressing negative thought patterns and can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms.

I encourage you to consider reaching out to a mental health professional again, even if it feels daunting. You deserve support, and there are people who can help you navigate these feelings. If you are unsure where to start, many communities offer mental health resources, including hotlines and support groups, which can provide immediate assistance and guidance.

Additionally, practicing self-care is essential. This can include establishing a routine, engaging in physical activity, practicing mindfulness or meditation, and connecting with supportive friends or family members. Journaling can also be a helpful tool for processing emotions and reflecting on your experiences.

In summary, your feelings are valid, and seeking help is a brave step toward healing. You are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to support you. Please consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can provide the guidance and support you need to work through these challenges. Remember, healing is a process, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.

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