Overcoming Anxiety and Irritability: Finding Balance After Life Changes

Feeling anxious and irritable?

Hello, doctor: Recently, I have been feeling irritable and easily angered.
Since graduating last year, my mood has been affected by my mother's illness, which led to feelings of depression.
Additionally, I have been struggling to focus on studying for civil service exams, which has added to my frustration.
This year, my mother's condition has stabilized, and her treatment has concluded.
In May, I found a job and wanted to prepare for the civil service exams while working, but I can't seem to concentrate on studying.
Whenever I pick up a book, I feel overwhelmed and unable to focus.
I know I need to study and keep telling myself to do so, but I feel increasingly resistant.
Moreover, my current job is quite boring, with very little work to do—about 1 to 2 hours of tasks each day.
I find myself having to pretend to be busy and drag out the time.
I have communicated this to my supervisor, but there hasn't been any change; it seems to be the company culture to assign less work to new employees.
This situation leaves me feeling empty.
During work, I often find myself secretly browsing the internet, playing on my phone, or daydreaming.
After work, I experience a sense of emptiness.
Although this easy job isn't necessarily bad, I feel it's not a place where I can stay long-term.
I still want to pass the civil service exams, but I feel unable to take action.
My irritability has been increasing, and I feel frustrated with everything—studying, playing on the computer, even talking to family members feels bothersome.
I lack motivation for any activity and feel unhappy and unfulfilled.
I keep asking myself what could make me happy.
In the past, watching Japanese dramas, chatting with friends, browsing bookstores, and playing online games brought me joy, but now I find these activities boring and uninteresting.
I have no desire to do anything, and sometimes I feel an inexplicable urge to cry, even though there seems to be no reason for it.
A wave of sadness washes over me, and I feel incredibly frustrated.
I can sleep, but no matter how much I sleep, I never feel rested.
I dislike this irritable version of myself and feel unable to be happy.
My family has noticed that my temper has become quite volatile.
I used to be very patient and easygoing, but now I feel increasingly unlike myself.
I am very frustrated and don't know what to do.
I don't want to take my anger out on others, but I can't seem to control it, which leads to a harsh tone in my speech.

Sariel, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2011/12/12

Dr. Wang Chongren reply Psychiatry

Dear Dr.
Wang Chong-Ren of the Tainan Hospital, Department of Psychiatry, Executive Yuan Health Department:
Hello,
The mood you mentioned seems to be characterized by anxiety mixed with depression.
Generally speaking, depression often arises from persistent anxiety that cannot be alleviated.
Based on your letter, it appears that both anxiety and depression may be triggered by your mother's illness.
It may be helpful to understand the habitual thoughts you have when facing stress.
If your thoughts are negative and your attitude is one of avoidance or uncertainty, your emotions may manifest as negative anxiety or depression.
Therefore, the root issue often lies in one's own thoughts and mindset, which can be the hardest part for individuals to "see." Engaging with supportive friends or family, or even seeking psychological therapy, could help you "see" your thoughts and find a way out.
Of course, medication can also alleviate your mood and help you better adjust emotionally, so you might consider that option as well.
Wishing you good health and peace of mind!
Sincerely,
Department of Psychiatry, Tainan Hospital, Executive Yuan Health Department

Reply Date: 2011/12/12

More Info

It sounds like you are going through a challenging time, and I want to acknowledge the feelings of anxiety, irritability, and frustration that you are experiencing. Life changes, such as your mother's illness and the transition into a new job, can significantly impact our emotional well-being. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are valid and that you are not alone in facing them.

From what you’ve described, it seems like you are caught in a cycle of negative emotions and self-criticism. You mentioned feeling irritable and unable to focus on studying for civil service exams, which can be particularly frustrating when you have the desire to succeed but feel blocked from taking action. This is a common experience, especially after significant life stressors. The pressure to perform, combined with feelings of emptiness and boredom in your current job, can exacerbate these emotions.

One of the first steps in addressing anxiety and irritability is to practice self-compassion. It’s easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk, especially when you feel you are not living up to your own expectations. Instead of criticizing yourself for feeling this way, try to treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend in a similar situation. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed and that it’s a natural response to the stressors you’ve been facing.

In addition to self-compassion, consider implementing some practical strategies to help manage your emotions:
1. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Engaging in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, can help ground you in the present moment and reduce feelings of anxiety. Even a few minutes a day can make a difference.

2. Physical Activity: Regular exercise is a powerful tool for managing anxiety and irritability. It releases endorphins, which can improve your mood and help you feel more energized. Even a short walk can help clear your mind and reduce stress.

3. Structured Routine: Given that your job has a light workload, creating a structured daily routine can help you feel more productive and less aimless. Set specific times for studying, leisure activities, and self-care. This can provide a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

4. Limit Screen Time: While it may be tempting to fill your time with distractions like browsing the internet or playing games, these activities can sometimes contribute to feelings of emptiness. Try to balance screen time with activities that engage your mind and body in a more fulfilling way.

5. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional. Talking about your feelings can provide relief and help you gain perspective. If you feel comfortable, consider discussing your emotions with your family, as they may be able to provide support and understanding.

6. Pursue Enjoyable Activities: While you mentioned that things you once enjoyed now feel boring, it might be worth revisiting those activities with a fresh perspective. Sometimes, the pressure to feel happy can make it harder to enjoy things. Allow yourself to engage in activities without the expectation of feeling joyful.

7. Professional Help: If your feelings of irritability and sadness persist, it may be beneficial to consult with a mental health professional. They can provide you with tailored strategies and support to help you navigate this difficult time.

Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take the time you need to heal. Life can be unpredictable, and it’s important to give yourself grace as you navigate these changes. You are not defined by your current feelings, and with time and support, you can find your way back to a more balanced emotional state.

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