Inner monologue
During my visits to the psychiatric clinic, I no longer need to pick up medication.
The doctor previously mentioned that I could stop the medication, but expressed concern about potential withdrawal symptoms, so it’s better to continue regular check-ups.
However, I often find myself thinking: each time I go, it feels like I’m just repeating my struggles, and I end up racking my brain to recall any difficulties I’ve faced in the past two weeks.
I wonder if there will ever be a good day for me (because seeking help always brings pain!).
Every time I return for an appointment, the doctor’s first question is always, “How have you been lately? Go ahead and talk.” Then I start to ramble on.
It feels as though I’ve been completely understood (like my patterns have been figured out), and I just need to talk.
This gives me the impression that it’s a one-sided conversation: “You talk, and I’ll listen.” On one hand, I dislike this situation, but on the other hand, I feel an uncontrollable need to express myself; it’s very contradictory.
“Can I be the master of my own life?” I told the doctor that I find it strange; if everything were truly fine, I probably wouldn’t be so compliant about returning for appointments! Even I feel that I’m not completely okay, but what “not okay” means is unclear—it seems to be just a feeling.
Yet, I still dutifully attend my appointments.
I also have thoughts like: Does the doctor know when to tell me to stop coming? Am I becoming dependent and unable to break free? Thank you.
I have considered asking if I still need to come, but I fear regretting the answer.
If the doctor says it’s okay to stop, would I feel disappointed?
ker, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2012/03/20
Dr. Lin Junyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello, in my personal opinion, having trustworthy and dependable individuals in life, such as family members, spouses, friends, mentors, or physicians, does not necessarily symbolize weakness or confusion.
It is important to self-reflect on whether one is completely unable (or unwilling) to think or make decisions! Since you have concerns about how long to continue monitoring, I suggest you openly discuss this during your next appointment.
This will not offend the physician, and they will typically provide you with appropriate advice (such as whether to have regular check-ups, extend the interval between visits, or identify signs of recurrence, which can also aid in self-awareness).
Wishing you all the best!
Reply Date: 2012/03/20
More Info
Navigating the complexities of psychiatric follow-ups can be a challenging journey, especially when one grapples with feelings of dependency, uncertainty, and the need for validation. Your reflections reveal a deep internal conflict that many individuals face when engaging in mental health treatment. It’s essential to recognize that these feelings are valid and common among those seeking help for mental health issues.
Firstly, it's important to understand that the therapeutic relationship is a unique one. It often involves a dynamic where the patient feels both vulnerable and exposed, as they share their innermost thoughts and struggles with a professional. The initial question posed by your doctor, “How have you been lately?” serves as a gateway for you to express your current state. However, it can also feel like a prompt that puts pressure on you to recount your difficulties, leading to a cycle of revisiting pain and discomfort. This can create a sense of being trapped in a loop of discussing problems without feeling a sense of progress or resolution.
Your concern about becoming dependent on your psychiatrist is a common fear. Many patients worry that they may not be able to manage their mental health without the support of medication or regular check-ins. It’s crucial to remember that seeking help does not equate to weakness or dependency; rather, it reflects a proactive approach to managing your mental health. The goal of therapy is often to empower you to develop coping strategies, enhance self-awareness, and ultimately foster independence.
The feeling of being “seen through” by your psychiatrist can be both comforting and unsettling. On one hand, it suggests that your doctor is attuned to your needs and patterns, which is a vital aspect of effective therapy. On the other hand, it can feel invasive, as if your vulnerabilities are laid bare. This duality can lead to a sense of frustration, as you may feel compelled to share more than you are comfortable with, simply because it’s expected.
Your internal dialogue about whether you should continue attending appointments is significant. It reflects a desire for autonomy and self-determination in your treatment journey. Asking your psychiatrist directly about the necessity of follow-ups can be beneficial. It opens a dialogue about your progress and allows you to express your concerns about dependency. A good psychiatrist will appreciate your honesty and can help you navigate these feelings, potentially adjusting your treatment plan to better suit your needs.
Moreover, consider discussing your feelings of uncertainty regarding your mental state. You mentioned that you feel “not quite right,” but the specifics are unclear. This ambiguity is common in mental health struggles, and articulating this to your psychiatrist can lead to a more tailored approach to your treatment. They may suggest alternative therapies, adjustments in medication, or even strategies for self-monitoring your mental health outside of appointments.
In addition, it might be helpful to explore therapeutic techniques that encourage self-reflection and self-empowerment. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for instance, focuses on identifying and challenging negative thought patterns, which could help you gain clarity on your feelings and reduce the anxiety associated with your appointments. Mindfulness practices can also be beneficial, as they encourage present-moment awareness and can help you manage the anxiety of anticipating your next visit.
Ultimately, the journey through mental health treatment is deeply personal and often nonlinear. It’s essential to be patient with yourself as you navigate these feelings and to communicate openly with your psychiatrist about your experiences. Remember, the goal of therapy is not just to alleviate symptoms but to empower you to reclaim your narrative and foster a sense of agency in your mental health journey.
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