Separation Anxiety in Children: Signs and Solutions - Psychiatry

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Crying child


I would like to consult a doctor about a child who seems to exhibit signs of separation anxiety, crying for an extended period (up to four class periods).
However, once the goal is achieved—such as being picked up by their mother or not having to enter the classroom—the child immediately changes their demeanor, acting as if nothing is wrong.
The variability in behavior is quite significant.

In cases like this, if the child visits a pediatric mental health specialist while in a school environment, they may appear completely normal, making it difficult to determine if medical assistance is needed.
Sometimes, I wonder if this is a psychological game the child is playing.
When they are crying, they seem unable to interact properly, but once they are taken away from the situation, they display a normal demeanor, which honestly gives the impression that they might be "putting on an act."
I truly feel at a loss for how to help and find it very frustrating.
Thank you.

nana, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2014/03/19

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry


Hello: If the child is younger (under eight years old), it may be related to separation anxiety from family or fear of certain people, situations, or things at school.
For slightly older children, these symptoms are likely more associated with school refusal.
Trying to understand what the child is afraid of, reducing stress related to school, and encouraging and supporting the child to face challenges are all potential strategies to consider.
If these attempts do not lead to improvement, it is advisable to consult a mental health professional for further detailed assessment and to discuss coping strategies.

Reply Date: 2014/03/19

More Info


Separation anxiety in children is a common developmental phase that can manifest in various ways, including excessive crying, clinginess, and fear of being away from primary caregivers. Understanding the signs and solutions to this condition is crucial for parents and caregivers to help children navigate their emotions effectively.


Signs of Separation Anxiety
1. Excessive Distress: Children may exhibit extreme distress when separated from their parents or caregivers, often crying for extended periods. This can occur during drop-offs at school or when parents leave the room.

2. Physical Symptoms: Some children may complain of stomachaches, headaches, or other physical ailments when faced with separation, which can be a manifestation of their anxiety.

3. Clinginess: A child may become overly attached to a parent, refusing to engage with others or participate in activities without the parent’s presence.

4. Nightmares or Sleep Disturbances: Children may experience nightmares related to separation or have difficulty falling asleep without a parent nearby.

5. Avoidance Behavior: Some children may avoid situations that require separation, such as school or playdates, often leading to tantrums or refusal to attend.

6. Mood Swings: Children may display a sudden change in mood, appearing happy and content when with a parent but becoming distressed when faced with separation.


Solutions and Strategies
1. Gradual Exposure: Gradually increasing the time spent apart can help children adjust to separation. Start with short periods and gradually extend them as the child becomes more comfortable.

2. Consistent Routines: Establishing a consistent drop-off routine can provide a sense of security. Predictability helps children understand what to expect, reducing anxiety.

3. Reassurance and Comfort: Providing verbal reassurance that the parent will return can help alleviate fears. Use comforting phrases and ensure the child knows they are safe.

4. Encouragement of Independence: Encourage the child to engage in activities independently, such as playing with peers or participating in group activities, to build confidence.

5. Positive Reinforcement: Praise and reward the child for small successes in managing separation, reinforcing their ability to cope with anxiety.

6. Modeling Calmness: Parents should model calm behavior during separations. Children often pick up on their caregivers' emotions, so maintaining a calm demeanor can help soothe their anxiety.

7. Seek Professional Help: If the anxiety persists or significantly interferes with the child's daily life, consulting a child psychologist or psychiatrist may be beneficial. They can provide tailored strategies and, if necessary, therapeutic interventions.


Understanding the Child's Perspective
It’s essential to recognize that children experiencing separation anxiety are not merely "playing games" or "acting out." Their feelings are genuine and often stem from a fear of losing their primary attachment figure. When a child exhibits a drastic change in behavior, such as appearing normal once removed from the stressful situation, it can be confusing for parents. This behavior may indicate that the child is capable of regulating their emotions in a different environment but struggles to do so when faced with separation.


Conclusion
Separation anxiety is a normal part of child development, but it can be distressing for both the child and the parent. Understanding the signs and implementing strategies to help children cope can significantly improve their emotional well-being. If the anxiety becomes overwhelming or persistent, seeking professional guidance is a proactive step toward ensuring the child’s mental health. Remember, patience and empathy are key in helping children navigate their feelings of anxiety, and with time and support, they can learn to manage their emotions more effectively.

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