and Addressing Separation Anxiety in Toddlers - Psychiatry

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Childhood psychological trauma


I am currently separated from my husband and unable to take my child with me.
My child is about two years old, and when I take him back to my parents' house on weekends, he often cries in the middle of the night, half-awake, saying he wants to find his mom.
When it's time to go back to my husband's house, he becomes very scared of leaving me, starts to cry, and even screams, running to hide.
When my husband tries to hold him, he clings to me and refuses to leave.
Since birth, I have been his primary caregiver and have breastfed him, so he is very attached to me and is fearful of strangers.
Is it possible that my child is experiencing a lack of security or developing separation anxiety? How can I help him cope and overcome this?

Mama, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2018/03/19

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry


Hello: Based on what you described, the child has been cared for by you since a young age, and due to their shy personality, there will inevitably be a period of anxiety when separated from their mother.
Since the child is still young, it will take some time for them to adjust.
It is recommended that adults first manage their own emotions and become strong themselves in order to provide warmth and a sense of security for the child.
When separating, you can tell the child when you will come to see them again, encourage their good behavior, and make sure to visit them on time next time.
After experiencing this a few times, the child will usually begin to stabilize.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2018/03/19

More Info


Separation anxiety in toddlers is a common developmental phase that many children experience, particularly when they have a strong attachment to their primary caregiver. In your case, it seems that your child has developed a significant bond with you, especially since you have been the primary caregiver since birth. This strong attachment can lead to feelings of insecurity and anxiety when faced with separation, such as when transitioning between homes or encountering unfamiliar situations.


Understanding Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety typically manifests in children between the ages of 6 months and 3 years. It is characterized by excessive distress when separated from a parent or caregiver, fear of being alone, and difficulty in being comforted by others. Your child's reactions—crying, clinging to you, and expressing fear when faced with separation—are indicative of this anxiety. It's important to note that this behavior is not uncommon and is often a normal part of child development.


Factors Contributing to Separation Anxiety
1. Attachment Style: Children who have a secure attachment to their primary caregiver may experience separation anxiety when they are away from that caregiver. Your child’s reliance on you for comfort and security is a sign of a healthy attachment, but it can also lead to anxiety when faced with separation.

2. Changes in Environment: Moving between homes can be disorienting for a toddler. The inconsistency in their environment can heighten feelings of insecurity and anxiety.

3. Developmental Stage: As children grow, they begin to understand the concept of permanence and separation. This cognitive development can lead to increased anxiety about being away from their caregiver.

4. Personality Traits: Some children are naturally more anxious or sensitive than others. If your child is shy or fearful of strangers, this may exacerbate their separation anxiety.


Strategies to Help Your Child Cope
1. Establish a Routine: Consistency can provide a sense of security. Try to establish a predictable routine for transitions between homes. This could include a special goodbye ritual or a consistent schedule for visits.

2. Practice Short Separations: Gradually introduce your child to short periods of separation. Start with brief absences and gradually increase the duration as your child becomes more comfortable.

3. Reassure and Validate Feelings: Acknowledge your child's feelings of anxiety. Let them know it’s okay to feel scared or upset. Reassurance can help them feel understood and supported.

4. Create a Comfort Item: Consider giving your child a small item that reminds them of you when you are apart. This could be a small toy, a piece of clothing, or a family photo.

5. Stay Calm and Positive: Your demeanor can influence your child’s feelings. If you remain calm and positive during separations, it can help your child feel more secure.

6. Encourage Independence: Engage your child in activities that promote independence, such as playing with other children or exploring new environments while you are nearby. This can help build their confidence.

7. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If your child’s anxiety seems excessive or is interfering significantly with their daily life, consider consulting a pediatrician or child psychologist. They can provide tailored strategies and support.


Conclusion
Separation anxiety is a normal part of development, especially in toddlers who have formed a strong attachment to their primary caregiver. By understanding the underlying causes and implementing supportive strategies, you can help your child navigate this challenging phase. Remember, patience and consistency are key. Over time, with your support, your child can learn to manage their anxiety and develop a sense of security, even when separated from you.

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