and Addressing Separation Anxiety in Preschoolers

Child Psychology

Hello Doctor: My daughter is 3 years and 2 months old.
Due to work commitments, I leave home early, and her grandmother takes care of her.
Usually, when I leave, my daughter is still asleep.
Recently, she started attending preschool, and this is the third week.
Her grandmother has been taking her to and from school.
During the first week, she cried and fussed about not wanting to go to school, which is understandable given the transition to a new environment.
In the second week, her crying decreased, and she would express at home that she didn't want to go to school, but the teachers reported that her crying was improving, and she sometimes didn't cry at all throughout the day.
However, in the third week, she began waking up early every day, crying for me, and when at school, she would quietly sob.
Yet, she didn't cry when coming home but would say she didn't want to go to school and that I shouldn't go to work.
I wonder if this is separation anxiety due to my not saying goodbye before leaving for work.
However, if I do say goodbye first, she cries even more and doesn't want me to leave for work.
Before she started school, I showed her picture books about school, read stories related to school, and set up a reward system for completing a week of school.
I also let her bring a comfort toy to school.
I would like to ask the doctor for advice on how to communicate with a child of this age to understand her true feelings.
Thank you.

vicky, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2021/09/14

Dr. Peng Liyun reply Psychiatry

Hello, Mom.
I can sense that you are very attentive and concerned about your daughter's emotions.
The ability to communicate thoughts depends on your daughter's cognitive development.
However, most children at this age may struggle to articulate or explain complex emotional sources.
I recommend providing empathetic comfort when she is crying and trying to help her express her feelings or possible reasons for them.
Once she calms down, you can explain why she couldn't see you in the morning, why you have to go to work, and the agreed-upon times when she can see you, etc.
Separation anxiety requires patience to help children gradually build a sense of security, while also paying attention to her performance at school.
If there are still no signs of gradual improvement, it is advisable to seek a comprehensive evaluation from a child and adolescent psychiatrist.
Thank you for your inquiry.
Dr.
Peng Liyun, Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Chia Nan Hospital.

Reply Date: 2021/09/14

More Info

Separation anxiety in preschoolers is a common issue that many parents face, especially when children transition into new environments like school. Your daughter's experience of crying and expressing reluctance to go to school is not uncommon, particularly given her age and the recent changes in her routine. Here are some strategies to help you understand and address her separation anxiety effectively.

Understanding the Causes
1. Developmental Stage: At around three years old, children are still developing their understanding of time and separation. They may not fully grasp that their parents will return after a period of time, leading to anxiety when they are apart.

2. Recent Changes: The birth of a sibling or changes in the family dynamic can exacerbate feelings of insecurity. Your daughter may feel a need for more reassurance, especially if she perceives a shift in attention from her to her new sibling.

3. Routine and Predictability: Children thrive on routine. If her morning routine has changed, or if she is not sure what to expect at school, this can heighten her anxiety.

Strategies for Addressing Separation Anxiety
1. Establish a Goodbye Ritual: Create a consistent and brief goodbye ritual that you can perform every morning. This could be a special handshake, a hug, or a phrase you say to each other. Keeping it short and sweet helps reduce the anxiety associated with prolonged goodbyes.

2. Talk About Feelings: Encourage her to express her feelings. Use simple language to help her articulate her emotions. For example, you might say, "I understand you feel sad when I leave. It's okay to feel that way." This validation can help her feel understood.

3. Practice Separation: Gradually practice short separations. Start with brief periods apart, such as leaving her with a trusted caregiver for a short time while you run errands. Gradually increase the duration as she becomes more comfortable.

4. Use Comfort Items: Allow her to take a comfort item, like a favorite toy or a family photo, to school. This can provide her with a sense of security and remind her of home.

5. Positive Reinforcement: Continue with the reward system you have in place. Celebrate small victories when she goes to school without crying or when she expresses her feelings instead of crying. This reinforces her positive behavior.

6. Storytelling: Use books and stories to discuss separation and anxiety. Reading about characters who experience similar feelings can help her relate and understand that she is not alone in her feelings.

7. Stay Calm and Consistent: Your demeanor can significantly impact her feelings. If you remain calm and confident during drop-off, it can help her feel more secure. If she senses your anxiety, it may heighten her own.

8. Communicate with Teachers: Keep an open line of communication with her teachers. They can provide insights into her behavior during school hours and help reinforce the strategies you are using at home.

9. Seek Professional Help if Necessary: If her anxiety persists or worsens, consider consulting a child psychologist or counselor who specializes in childhood anxiety. They can provide tailored strategies and support.

Conclusion
Separation anxiety is a normal part of childhood development, and with patience and understanding, most children can learn to cope with these feelings. By implementing these strategies, you can help your daughter feel more secure and confident in her ability to separate from you. Remember that every child is different, and it may take time for her to adjust fully. Your support and reassurance will be key in helping her navigate this challenging phase.

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