Some concerns?
Dr.
Ding: Hello, I’m not sure if it’s due to my tendency to overthink, but I’m quite sensitive about illnesses.
My boyfriend’s mother works in a hotel, and due to his parents' divorce, they have only recently reconnected.
However, he is not very clear about the specifics of her job at the hotel.
I can’t help but worry that if she is involved in any sex-related activities, he might contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI).
I’m also concerned about the possibility of transmission through shared restrooms or communal eating (since I’ve heard of cases where people develop warts in the mouth).
I fear that if they have meals together, or if she dines with other family members, my boyfriend could be at risk of infection, which could then be passed on to me.
I read online that warts can potentially be transmitted through food or saliva, and while I think it’s unlikely that everyone would be at risk, I still feel anxious.
I sometimes worry that if my boyfriend or his family dines with his mother, he might get infected, leading me to feel hesitant about kissing him or sharing food in the future.
However, I realize that my boyfriend can’t avoid interacting with his mother forever.
I would like to know how I should approach this situation in terms of my thoughts and attitude.
Thank you, doctor.
Niming, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2014/06/20
Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry
Hello,
The concern you mentioned in your letter is indeed not something that most people worry about.
However, thinking about this issue does not necessarily indicate obsessive thinking or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
As long as you acquire the correct medical knowledge related to it and feel reassured afterward, there is nothing wrong with that.
Being cautious about your health is certainly better than engaging in harmful behaviors.
Another situation to consider is whether this concern fundamentally represents a manifestation of obsessive thinking.
If, after obtaining sufficient accurate medical information and even reassurance from medical experts, you still find it difficult to feel at ease, it may be worth considering a consultation with a psychiatrist or a psychosomatic specialist.
Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan
Reply Date: 2014/06/20
More Info
Navigating anxiety about potential health risks in relationships can be quite challenging, especially when it involves concerns about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and the behaviors of loved ones. Your worries about your boyfriend's mother's job and the potential health implications for your boyfriend—and consequently for you—are understandable, but it's essential to approach these concerns with a balanced perspective.
Firstly, it’s important to recognize that anxiety often stems from uncertainty and fear of the unknown. In your case, the lack of clear information about your boyfriend's mother's work and its implications for health has led to a cascade of worries. This is a common reaction, especially for individuals who may have a tendency toward obsessive thinking or who are particularly sensitive to health-related issues.
To address your concerns, consider the following points:
1. Understanding STIs and Transmission: It's crucial to have accurate information about how STIs, including human papillomavirus (HPV), which can cause genital warts (often referred to colloquially as "cauliflower"), are transmitted. Most STIs are spread through direct sexual contact, and while some can be transmitted through sharing personal items or surfaces, the risk is significantly lower. For example, HPV is primarily transmitted through skin-to-skin contact during sexual activity, not through shared utensils or bathrooms. Understanding the actual risks can help alleviate some of your fears.
2. Communication with Your Boyfriend: Open and honest communication with your boyfriend about your concerns is vital. Discussing your feelings and fears can help you both understand each other better and create a supportive environment. He may also have insights into his mother's health and practices that could reassure you.
3. Focus on Trust and Safety: Trust is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If your boyfriend is responsible about his health and engages in safe practices, it can help mitigate your fears. Encourage him to get regular health check-ups and STI screenings, which is a responsible approach for anyone who is sexually active. Knowing that he is proactive about his health can provide you with peace of mind.
4. Managing Anxiety: If you find that your worries are overwhelming or affecting your daily life, it may be helpful to explore strategies for managing anxiety. Techniques such as mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), or even speaking with a mental health professional can provide you with tools to cope with intrusive thoughts and reduce anxiety.
5. Setting Boundaries: It’s also essential to recognize that while you care about your boyfriend and his family, you cannot control their actions or relationships. Setting healthy boundaries for yourself regarding how much you engage with these worries can be beneficial. For instance, if you find yourself spiraling into anxious thoughts, practice redirecting your focus to something positive or engaging in an activity that brings you joy.
6. Educate Yourself: Sometimes, anxiety can stem from misinformation or lack of knowledge. Educating yourself about sexual health, STIs, and safe practices can empower you and help you feel more in control of your health and relationship.
In conclusion, while it’s natural to have concerns about health risks in relationships, it’s essential to approach these worries with a balanced perspective. Open communication, trust, and a focus on accurate information can help you navigate your feelings. If anxiety continues to be a significant issue, seeking support from a mental health professional can provide additional strategies for coping and reassurance. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and prioritize your mental well-being.
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