Are Positive and Kind People Really Out There? Negative Thoughts - Psychiatry

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Thought problems?


Is there really someone in the world who is very positive, cute, and kind? I often have negative thoughts but do not express them.
I may hate someone but act normally.
I once shared my true thoughts with a close friend, and he said I was scary.
Am I abnormal?

Niming, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2015/08/30

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry


Hello, everyone has both good and darker sides.
It’s best to let the kind and positive aspects of ourselves shine through while minimizing the harm we cause to others.
There’s nothing abnormal about being inconsistent; everyone experiences this.
I don’t think it’s wrong to remain composed on the surface even if you dislike someone.
It’s better than showing a sour face or verbally attacking others, as that ultimately harms both them and ourselves.
It may seem a bit hypocritical or insincere, but that’s what civilization and etiquette are about.
A society where everyone is blunt, speaks their mind, and openly expresses dissatisfaction without self-restraint or respect would be a frightening world.
Wishing you all the best.
Sincerely, Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan.

Reply Date: 2015/08/30

More Info


It's completely normal to have negative thoughts from time to time, and you're certainly not alone in feeling this way. The world can be a challenging place, and our experiences often shape our perceptions of others and ourselves. To address your question about whether there are genuinely positive and kind people out there, the answer is a resounding yes. However, it's essential to understand that everyone has a mix of positive and negative thoughts, and what matters is how we choose to express them.

Positive and kind individuals do exist, and they often bring light into the lives of those around them. These people tend to focus on the good in others and strive to uplift those who may be struggling. However, it's important to recognize that even the most optimistic individuals can experience negative thoughts or feelings. The key difference lies in how they manage and respond to those thoughts. They may acknowledge their negative feelings but choose not to dwell on them or let them dictate their actions.

Your experience of having negative thoughts while maintaining a facade of normalcy is not uncommon. Many people feel the need to hide their true feelings for various reasons, including fear of judgment or rejection. It's crucial to understand that having negative thoughts does not make you a bad person or "abnormal." It simply reflects the complexity of human emotions. Everyone has moments of frustration, anger, or resentment, and it's a natural part of being human.

When you confide in a close friend about your negative thoughts and they respond with concern, it may be because they are worried about your well-being. They might not fully understand the depth of your feelings or the context behind them. It's essential to communicate openly with your friends and explain that having these thoughts doesn't mean you intend to act on them or that you are a dangerous person. This can help them understand your perspective better.

If you find that your negative thoughts are overwhelming or affecting your daily life, it might be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space for you to explore these feelings without judgment. They can help you develop coping strategies to manage negative thoughts and work towards a more positive mindset.

In addition, practicing self-compassion is vital. Instead of criticizing yourself for having negative thoughts, try to approach them with curiosity. Ask yourself why you feel this way and what underlying issues might be contributing to these feelings. This self-reflection can lead to greater self-awareness and help you understand your emotions better.

Engaging in activities that promote positivity can also be beneficial. Surround yourself with uplifting people, engage in hobbies that bring you joy, and practice gratitude by acknowledging the good things in your life. These practices can help shift your focus from negativity to positivity over time.

In conclusion, while negative thoughts are a part of the human experience, they do not define who you are. There are indeed kind and positive people in the world, and with the right support and strategies, you can learn to navigate your negative thoughts in a healthier way. Remember, it's okay to seek help and to express your feelings; doing so is a sign of strength, not weakness.

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