Why Can't My Boyfriend Reach Climax During Sex? the Issue

During intercourse, my boyfriend is unable to reach orgasm?

When I have sex with my boyfriend, he is unable to reach climax.
He says that I initially feel tight, but later I feel loose, and his sensation diminishes.
We end up doing it for a long time and both get tired.
I reach orgasm while he does not.
Every time, I have to help him finish orally.
He mentioned that he didn't have this issue with his ex-girlfriend, and I also didn't experience this with my ex-boyfriend.
My ex said I was tight, and even a gynecologist confirmed that I am tighter than average.
My current boyfriend's brother is larger than my ex-boyfriend, and I still feel some pain when he penetrates.
This can't be because I'm loose, right? What could be the reason for his lack of sensation and inability to climax? I can help him with oral sex, so is there a way to improve this situation? Or does he have delayed ejaculation?

Xunxun, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/01/08

Dr. Xu Weikai reply Urology

Hello, I don't know who gave you your name, but it's quite unique.
Sexual intercourse is inherently a collaborative effort that cannot be perfectly executed by one party alone.
If the female partner feels tighter, it is usually due to insufficient foreplay, meaning she may not be adequately lubricated or relaxed.
It is rare for a penis to be so large that it affects sexual intercourse; the vagina has significant elasticity, as even a baby can pass through it.
I believe very few penises are thicker than a baby's head.
My recommendations are: 1.
Increase stimulation for the female partner.
2.
If that doesn't help, consider using a lubricant.
If there are any unclear points, feel free to ask again, and we can discuss and research further.
Online responses should only serve as a reference; if necessary, it is important to seek medical attention at a healthcare facility.
This message is from Dr.
Hsu Wei-Kai, Director of the Urology Department at Taitung Hospital, Ministry of Health and Welfare.

Reply Date: 2016/01/08

More Info

The issue of a partner being unable to reach climax during sexual intercourse can be complex and multifaceted, often involving both physical and psychological factors. In your case, it seems that your boyfriend has expressed difficulty achieving climax during penetrative sex, while he has had different experiences with previous partners. This situation can understandably lead to feelings of frustration and confusion for both of you.

Firstly, it's important to recognize that sexual arousal and climax are influenced by a variety of factors, including physical sensations, emotional connection, and psychological state. The fact that your boyfriend has been able to climax through oral sex suggests that he is capable of reaching orgasm, but the dynamics of penetrative sex may be different for him. Here are some potential reasons for his difficulty:
1. Physical Factors: Although you mentioned that you have been told you are "tight," it’s essential to understand that the perception of tightness can vary significantly between partners. Some men may find that certain physical sensations during intercourse do not provide the same level of stimulation as other forms of sexual activity. Additionally, if your boyfriend is experiencing any physical discomfort or if there are anatomical differences that affect the fit during penetration, this could contribute to his inability to climax.

2. Psychological Factors: Anxiety, stress, and performance pressure can significantly impact sexual performance. If your boyfriend feels anxious about not being able to climax, this can create a cycle of tension that makes it even more difficult for him to achieve orgasm. Open communication about each other's feelings and experiences can help alleviate some of this pressure.

3. Emotional Connection: The emotional bond between partners can play a crucial role in sexual satisfaction. If there are underlying issues in the relationship or if either partner feels insecure, this can affect sexual performance. Ensuring that both of you feel comfortable and connected during intimate moments is vital.

4. Differences in Sexual Experience: Each individual has unique sexual experiences and preferences. Your boyfriend's previous experiences with other partners may have set a different standard for him, which could lead to comparisons that affect his current performance. It's essential to focus on your unique relationship and what works for both of you.

5. Delayed Ejaculation: If your boyfriend consistently has difficulty reaching climax during penetrative sex but can do so through other means, it may be worth exploring whether he experiences a form of delayed ejaculation. This condition can be caused by various factors, including psychological issues, medical conditions, or even certain medications.

To improve the situation, consider the following steps:
- Open Communication: Talk openly with your boyfriend about your experiences, feelings, and any concerns. Discuss what feels good for both of you and explore different ways to enhance intimacy.

- Experiment with Techniques: Try different sexual positions, techniques, or forms of stimulation that may be more pleasurable for him. Incorporating more foreplay or varying the pace and rhythm during intercourse can also help.

- Focus on Intimacy: Sometimes, taking the pressure off climax can help both partners enjoy the experience more. Focus on intimacy, connection, and pleasure rather than solely on achieving orgasm.

- Consult a Professional: If the issue persists and causes distress, consider seeking advice from a healthcare professional or a sex therapist. They can provide tailored guidance and support for both of you.

In conclusion, the inability to reach climax during sex can stem from various physical and psychological factors. By fostering open communication, exploring new techniques, and focusing on intimacy, you and your boyfriend can work together to enhance your sexual experiences. If necessary, professional guidance can provide additional support to address any underlying issues.

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