Depression: Signs, Impact, and Seeking Help After Trauma

What exactly is depression?

Do I have depression? I'm wondering what depression really is! Before the first year of junior high, I was a cheerful girl who dared to be myself.
I wasn't afraid of anyone's judgment and spoke my mind freely.
But now, I'm not like that anymore; ever since I started dating a same-sex 'boyfriend' in the second year of junior high, I feel like I've changed.
Being with him made me cry constantly, self-harm, run away from home, and argue with my family, which led to losing their trust.
I stopped attending classes and became distant from friends...
I feel increasingly unlike myself.
I was with him for two years.
After leaving him, I tried to reconnect with my family, friends, work, and the person I used to be, and I slowly started to regain some of that...
I know I was once happy and confident, and I thought I was doing well, but I wonder if that past really affected my personality.
Although my relationship with my family is good now, I still feel an underlying sense of insecurity.
I'm afraid they won't trust me, and I worry they'll see me the same way they did before.

When it comes to friendships, I find it hard to make new friends.
I talk less about my feelings and lack confidence, often listening to others instead.
Sometimes, I prefer not to speak at all...
but I still push myself to interact.
At work, I doubt myself more; I'm afraid of not performing well and worry about others' opinions.
In relationships, I fear interacting with my partner's family and even dislike it...
I'm also afraid they won't like me, among other things.
My current partner treats me well, but my emotions often make him worry.

In many situations, I easily feel sad; just a glance or a comment from someone can affect my mood and self-esteem, leading me to dislike myself, feel anxious, and scared.
I really want to break through and start a business, but I keep getting stuck in my emotions, feeling so painful.
I've taken two steps forward, but because of my feelings, I end up stepping back.
I can't express my thoughts; even in situations that make me nervous, I take a long time to think before speaking, afraid of saying the wrong thing.
I forget things because my mind is preoccupied with fears, which leads to mistakes...
I dislike repeating my mistakes, and I'm scared of facing things, wanting to escape and not talk.
Often, I suddenly feel like crying for no reason, and sometimes I wonder when I became like this.
Did that relationship affect me? Do I have depression now? What should I do? I haven't told anyone about this...
afraid of appearing weak.

Xiao Yin, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/04/05

Dr. Chen Yiqun reply Postpartum Depression

Hello, based on your description, we would classify your condition as "Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety." Some psychiatrists may diagnose it as "Depressive Disorder," but whether it is "Major Depressive Disorder" or "Minor Depressive Disorder," the diagnosis must meet specific criteria.
Strictly speaking, Major Depressive Disorder requires that you feel depressed nearly all the time every day, losing interest in usual activities (such as watching TV or singing), and this must persist for at least 14 consecutive days.
Minor Depressive Disorder is characterized by feeling unhappy more often than happy for at least 2 years, with a minimum of 2 months during which all of the following symptoms are present: poor appetite, sleep disturbances, fatigue, loss of self-esteem, difficulty concentrating, and feelings of hopelessness.
Life inevitably presents difficult events, including interpersonal relationships, work, and family issues.
While we cannot change these events, we can adjust our coping mechanisms.
"Adjustment Disorder" refers to an inability to adapt to these conflicts, grievances, or distress, resulting in significant emotional responses such as depression, anxiety, sadness, tearfulness, or irritability.
The factors contributing to "Adjustment Disorder" are primarily psychological rather than physiological, so the main treatment approach is psychological counseling.
Psychological counseling can be accessed through counseling centers run by licensed counselors, which typically require out-of-pocket payment, where counselors provide more in-depth professional psychological services.
Additionally, you can visit the outpatient department of a hospital's psychiatry department, where psychiatrists can also offer psychological counseling or refer you to a counselor.

Reply Date: 2016/04/05

More Info

Understanding depression is crucial, especially when it stems from traumatic experiences or significant life changes. Based on your description, it seems you are grappling with feelings of sadness, insecurity, and anxiety that have significantly altered your personality and interactions with others. Let's break down your situation and explore what might be happening and how you can seek help.

Signs of Depression
Depression can manifest in various ways, and it often includes symptoms such as:
1. Persistent Sadness: Feeling sad or down most of the time.

2. Loss of Interest: Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed.

3. Changes in Sleep: Experiencing insomnia or sleeping too much.

4. Changes in Appetite: Eating too much or too little.

5. Feelings of Worthlessness: Having a negative self-image or feeling like a burden to others.

6. Difficulty Concentrating: Struggling to focus or make decisions.

7. Social Withdrawal: Isolating yourself from friends and family.

8. Self-Harm: Engaging in self-destructive behaviors as a coping mechanism.

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like you may be experiencing several of these symptoms. The shift from being a confident, outspoken individual to feeling insecure and anxious in social situations can be indicative of depression or anxiety disorders, especially following a tumultuous relationship.

Impact of Trauma and Relationships
Your experience with a challenging relationship during your formative years likely had a profound impact on your self-esteem and emotional health. Relationships, especially those that involve emotional turmoil or trauma, can lead to long-lasting effects on one's mental health. The feelings of insecurity and fear of judgment you describe are common among individuals who have experienced emotional distress in relationships.

Seeking Help
1. Professional Support: It’s essential to consider seeking help from a mental health professional. A psychologist or psychiatrist can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and experiences. They can help you understand whether you are dealing with depression, anxiety, or another mental health issue.

2. Therapy Options: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for depression and anxiety. It helps individuals identify negative thought patterns and replace them with healthier ones. Other therapeutic approaches, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), can also be beneficial, especially for those who struggle with emotional regulation.

3. Medication: In some cases, medication may be necessary to help manage symptoms. Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications can be prescribed by a psychiatrist if deemed appropriate.

4. Support Systems: Rebuilding your support system is crucial. While it may feel daunting, try to reconnect with friends and family who understand your struggles. Open communication about your feelings can foster understanding and support.

5. Self-Care Practices: Engage in self-care activities that promote mental well-being. This could include exercise, mindfulness practices, journaling, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.

6. Education: Educating yourself about depression and anxiety can empower you. Understanding that these are common mental health issues can help reduce feelings of isolation and shame.

Conclusion
It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed and uncertain about your mental health, especially after experiencing significant changes and challenges. Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a courageous step towards healing. You deserve to feel better and regain the confidence and joy you once had. By reaching out for professional support and actively engaging in self-care, you can work towards overcoming the emotional hurdles you face. Don’t hesitate to take that first step; it could lead to a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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