Improving the marginalized self?
I feel like I don't get along with my classmates, have poor social skills, and don't feel needed.
I'm unclear about what the problem is; I think it's because I struggle to communicate.
I don't have any particular interests, so when chatting with others, I often don't know what to say next or what topics might resonate.
I want to be like some of my peers who can talk to anyone and have a close friend, someone who isn't sidelined during group activities.
I'm certain the issue isn't with my classmates but rather with myself.
However, I don't know how to change this.
Are there any methods that can help me improve? Or how can I identify the reasons why I might not be likable? Thank you.
MI, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/04/08
Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello: Some people are naturally good at chatting, while others are inherently reserved.
Those who are good at conversation can still be unpopular, and those who are reserved can also be well-liked.
Generally speaking, being skilled at conversation is not the key to interpersonal relationships.
People usually hope to interact in a relaxed and comfortable manner; reserved individuals who listen attentively without interrupting can also be appreciated.
I suggest you first identify your strengths and develop them.
Recognizing your positive qualities and liking yourself can lead to more comfortable and confident interactions with others, reducing feelings of awkwardness.
As long as you continue to be kind to others and focus on personal growth, you can appreciate yourself and believe that your interpersonal relationships have the potential to improve over time.
Reply Date: 2016/04/08
More Info
Overcoming social isolation and building meaningful connections can be a challenging journey, especially for individuals who have experienced social anxiety or have a history of feeling disconnected from peers. It’s important to recognize that many people share similar feelings of insecurity and uncertainty in social situations. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this process and foster healthier relationships.
1. Self-Reflection and Understanding
Start by taking some time to reflect on your feelings and experiences. Understanding the root of your social anxiety can be beneficial. Ask yourself questions like:
- What specific situations make me feel uncomfortable?
- Are there particular triggers that lead to my feelings of isolation?
- What negative beliefs do I hold about myself in social contexts?
Journaling can be a helpful tool for this self-reflection. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide clarity and help you identify patterns in your social interactions.
2. Set Realistic Goals
Instead of aiming for a complete transformation overnight, set small, achievable goals. For example, you might aim to initiate a conversation with one classmate each week or participate in a group discussion. Celebrate these small victories, as they can build your confidence over time.
3. Practice Active Listening
One of the most effective ways to engage in conversations is to focus on being an active listener. This means paying close attention to what the other person is saying, asking follow-up questions, and showing genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings. This not only takes the pressure off you to come up with topics but also helps you connect with others on a deeper level.
4. Find Common Interests
While you mentioned not having particular interests, exploring new hobbies or activities can help you discover what you enjoy. Joining clubs, attending workshops, or participating in community events can expose you to new experiences and people. Shared interests often serve as a natural conversation starter and can help you build connections.
5. Develop Social Skills Gradually
Consider practicing social skills in low-pressure environments. This could be through role-playing with a trusted friend or family member, or even in front of a mirror. Focus on basic conversational skills, such as making eye contact, smiling, and using open body language. Gradually, you can work on more complex interactions.
6. Seek Professional Support
If your feelings of isolation and anxiety are overwhelming, it may be beneficial to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide you with tools to manage anxiety, improve your social skills, and work through any underlying issues that may be contributing to your feelings of isolation.
7. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques can be useful in challenging negative thoughts about yourself and your social abilities. When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not interesting,” or “No one wants to talk to me,” try to counter these thoughts with evidence to the contrary. Remind yourself of times when you successfully engaged with others or received positive feedback.
8. Be Patient and Kind to Yourself
Change takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself throughout this process. Recognize that everyone has their own struggles, and it’s okay to feel uncomfortable at times. Practicing self-compassion can help you navigate these feelings without being overly critical of yourself.
Conclusion
Building connections and overcoming social isolation is a gradual process that requires effort and self-compassion. By reflecting on your experiences, setting realistic goals, practicing active listening, and seeking support when needed, you can improve your social skills and develop meaningful relationships. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and many people are willing to connect with you if you take the first step.
Similar Q&A
Navigating Social Isolation: Insights from Mental Health Experiences
I consider myself to have a rather introverted personality and lack the concept of friendship. I often call my therapist, Dr. Zhang, or visit the hospital for consultations or psychological counseling. However, I believe that the most suitable social distance needs to be practice...
Dr. Lin Mianzhang reply Psychiatry
Hello! It seems that you are feeling distressed about not having friends. This situation may not simply be explained by being reclusive, as typically, reclusive individuals do not have a strong desire to interact with others. I recommend that you consult a psychiatrist to discuss...[Read More] Navigating Social Isolation: Insights from Mental Health Experiences
Understanding Social Withdrawal: Overcoming Anxiety and Building Connections
I have researched online and found that my situation resembles social withdrawal disorder. I am afraid to initiate conversations and interactions with others. I fear rejection and worry about being criticized behind my back. I believe that if I take the initiative to engage with ...
Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello Qianqian: Your situation may indeed be related to social anxiety. It's important to be patient, as this condition has the potential to improve. You have your own goals and dreams, and you can truly appreciate and understand the hard work your mother has put in. However...[Read More] Understanding Social Withdrawal: Overcoming Anxiety and Building Connections
Coping with Schizophrenia: Overcoming Social Stigma and Isolation
Individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia often face discrimination in interpersonal relationships, social situations, and the workplace. This stigma can lead to concerns about negative treatment, which may cause individuals to internalize their diagnosis and feel anxious about ho...
Dr. Lin Niqi reply Psychiatry
Currently, society has a limited understanding of individuals with mental illnesses (not just schizophrenia). Coupled with the inaccurate reporting by the media, this has led to misunderstandings and stigmatization of those with mental health conditions. However, stigmatization i...[Read More] Coping with Schizophrenia: Overcoming Social Stigma and Isolation
Coping with Social Anxiety: Strategies for Managing Mental Pressure
I have been a lone wolf since childhood, and because of this, the social interactions that are common for most people feel like a source of stress for me. The more I try to avoid interacting with others, the more pressure I feel, which makes me want to escape. I worry that this p...
Dr. Wang Yaoting reply Psychiatry
Hello: Almost everyone has a part of themselves that lacks a sense of security, uncertain about whether they will be accepted by others; the difference lies in the degree and severity of this impact. Many people's struggles with "alienation and isolation" begin in ...[Read More] Coping with Social Anxiety: Strategies for Managing Mental Pressure
Related FAQ
(Psychiatry)
Relationships(Psychiatry)
Family Interaction(Psychiatry)
Social Anxiety Disorder(Psychiatry)
Talking To Oneself(Psychiatry)
Cbt(Psychiatry)
Autism(Psychiatry)
Introverted Personality(Psychiatry)
Hearing(Psychiatry)
Others(Psychiatry)