Strategies for Working with Difficult Personalities in the Workplace

How to Work with Dominant Individuals

Since childhood, I have never doubted that I am easy to get along with and capable of collaborating with others.
However, I recently encountered someone who is unfriendly, bureaucratic, authoritarian, and views everything from their own perspective.
This experience made me instinctively want to keep my distance, and just thinking about it gives me chills.
Now, a few months later, this person may become my direct supervisor, which means we will have more interactions.
This has caused me anxiety, and I feel overwhelmed, not knowing how to handle the situation.

I understand that work is like this; I can't just quit because of it.
However, the thought of the future makes my head ache, my body tense, and I feel a sense of heartache.
I am aware of the source of my stress, but changing others is impossible.
What can I do to prepare myself? Is it because I have never encountered difficult people before, or have I only interacted with kind and easygoing individuals? Am I simply lacking social experience, or am I too weak?
Am I overreacting with my anxiety? Is it a lack of resilience to frustration, or am I not self-assured enough, leading me to worry about disappointing others? How can I alleviate my suffering? I am concerned that if this continues, I might become ill, whether physically or mentally.
This is a significant burden on me.

si, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/04/13

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, this situation is quite common in the workplace.
Strong-willed individuals are often perceived as having decisiveness and assertiveness, which makes them stand out in organizational structures and leads to promotions, ultimately becoming our supervisors.
Additionally, some individuals we perceive as strong may not objectively be so; this perception could be related to our past experiences.
Similar individuals may have caused us unpleasant stress, and encountering such types again can naturally evoke deep-seated fears or aversions within us.
Regardless, accepting reality without resistance is the first step to avoid falling into a pit of suffering.
The situation itself is neither good nor bad; our value judgments are what trigger the subsequent negative emotions.
We do not need to force ourselves to accept things cheerfully, but at the very least, we should avoid feelings of disgust and the urge to escape, as this will help us not feel like time is dragging on.

Moreover, having an outlet for emotional expression is important.
Occasionally, when we feel overwhelmed, it can be helpful to vent to trusted family or friends, but we should avoid making it a habit.
Chronic complaining can lead to the vicious cycle mentioned earlier and may cause those around us to distance themselves.
Furthermore, in seemingly negative situations, we should try to find a bit of positive meaning, which can help us feel that we are not entirely wronged or wasting our lives.
For instance, this supervisor must have certain strengths, which may also highlight our weaknesses, providing us with opportunities to learn from them.
By adopting this proactive mindset, they could potentially become our mentors or allies.

Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2016/04/13

More Info

Dealing with difficult personalities in the workplace can be a significant source of stress and anxiety, especially when you are not accustomed to such dynamics. It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed when faced with a challenging supervisor or colleague, particularly if their behavior is authoritative, bureaucratic, or dismissive. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this situation effectively:

1. Self-Reflection and Awareness
Understanding your own feelings and reactions is crucial. Take time to reflect on why this person's behavior triggers such strong emotions in you. Are there specific traits or actions that you find particularly difficult? Acknowledging your feelings can help you manage them better. Remember, it’s normal to feel anxious when anticipating interactions with someone you perceive as difficult.

2. Set Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries is essential when dealing with difficult personalities. Determine what behaviors you will tolerate and what you will not. Communicate these boundaries assertively but respectfully. For example, if a colleague interrupts you frequently, you might say, “I appreciate your input, but I’d like to finish my thought first.”

3. Focus on Solutions, Not Problems
When interacting with difficult individuals, try to steer conversations towards solutions rather than dwelling on problems. This approach can help shift the focus away from personal conflicts and towards collaborative problem-solving. For instance, if a supervisor is critical of your work, ask for specific feedback and how you can improve moving forward.

4. Practice Empathy
While it may be challenging, try to understand the motivations behind the difficult behavior. Often, individuals who come across as abrasive may be under their own stress or pressure. Practicing empathy can help you respond more calmly and effectively, reducing your own anxiety in the process.

5. Develop Coping Strategies
Find healthy ways to cope with the stress that arises from these interactions. This could include mindfulness techniques, deep breathing exercises, or physical activity. Regular exercise, in particular, can help alleviate stress and improve your mood.

6. Seek Support
Don’t hesitate to reach out to colleagues, friends, or a mentor for support. Sharing your experiences can provide you with new perspectives and coping strategies. If the situation becomes too overwhelming, consider speaking with a mental health professional who can offer guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.

7. Improve Communication Skills
Enhancing your communication skills can help you navigate difficult interactions more effectively. Practice active listening, where you focus fully on the speaker and respond thoughtfully. This can help de-escalate tense situations and foster a more positive dialogue.

8. Document Interactions
If you find that the difficult behavior is impacting your work significantly, consider keeping a record of interactions. Documenting specific instances can provide clarity and may be useful if you need to escalate the issue to HR or management.

9. Focus on Your Work
While it’s important to manage relationships, try to keep your focus on your own work and responsibilities. Concentrating on your tasks can help reduce anxiety about interpersonal dynamics and reinforce your sense of purpose and achievement.

10. Consider Professional Development
If you feel that your anxiety stems from a lack of experience in handling difficult personalities, consider seeking out professional development opportunities. Workshops on conflict resolution, communication, or emotional intelligence can equip you with valuable skills for navigating workplace challenges.

Conclusion
It’s important to recognize that you are not alone in facing difficult personalities in the workplace. Many individuals encounter similar challenges, and it’s a part of the professional landscape. By employing these strategies, you can better prepare yourself for interactions with difficult individuals and reduce the associated stress. Remember, your well-being is paramount, and seeking help when needed is a sign of strength, not weakness.

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