Boundaries: Navigating Social Media Interactions

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I recently started seeing some old classmates on Facebook, and after leaving a comment, I felt inspired to call one of them to ask if she was around.
Later, she replied on Facebook, stating that she felt there was no need for contact and that my actions had caused her distress.
She mentioned that her family suggested she report me to the police.
I later decided to be more cautious.
I feel like sometimes what I do isn’t necessarily bad, but in the eyes of others, it can be perceived as negative.
My intention was simply to seek some change in my life, but unfortunately, it seems to have had an adverse effect.
I wonder what the doctor's opinion on this matter would be.

g, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/05/15

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, just as a single grain of rice can nourish a hundred different people, our words and actions elicit varied responses from each individual.
This also relates to our past relationships and interactions.
Most importantly, I have observed many individuals with mental health conditions who, after becoming ill, tend to become more straightforward in their thinking and less indirect.
However, the downside is that they may lack consideration for how others might react, which often leads to misunderstandings.
If someone does not appreciate our attempts to engage, then we should let it go.
There will always be those who respond positively to us, so it’s best to interact more with them.
Friendships require nurturing, but they cannot be forced.
Wishing you all the best.
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2016/05/15

More Info

Navigating social media interactions can be quite complex, especially when it comes to boundaries and personal comfort levels. Your experience highlights an important aspect of communication in the digital age: what may seem like a harmless or friendly gesture to one person can be perceived as intrusive or inappropriate by another.
In your case, reaching out to an old classmate after seeing them on Facebook was likely motivated by a desire to reconnect and perhaps share memories. However, it’s crucial to recognize that not everyone may feel comfortable with such interactions, especially if they have moved on to different phases of their lives, such as marriage or family commitments.
The response you received from your classmate indicates that she felt your actions were unwelcome. This can happen for several reasons. First, individuals have different thresholds for privacy and personal space, especially in the context of social media. While some people are open to reconnecting with old friends, others may prefer to keep their past relationships in the past. Additionally, the nature of social media can sometimes blur the lines of what is considered acceptable behavior.
When someone expresses discomfort with your actions, it’s essential to respect their boundaries. In this case, your classmate's suggestion to involve authorities indicates that she felt genuinely threatened or uncomfortable. While you may not have intended to cause distress, it’s a reminder that intentions do not always align with perceptions.
To navigate social media interactions more effectively, consider the following guidelines:
1. Respect Boundaries: Always be mindful of the other person's comfort level. If someone indicates that they do not wish to communicate, it’s important to respect that decision.

2. Consider Context: Understand the context of your relationship with the person. If you haven’t been in touch for a long time, they may not be open to reconnecting.

3. Be Aware of Tone: Written communication can often be misinterpreted. What you intend as friendly may come across as invasive. If you’re unsure, it might be helpful to keep messages light and non-intrusive.

4. Reflect on Responses: If someone responds negatively, take a moment to reflect on their perspective. It can be helpful to consider how your actions might be perceived by others.

5. Seek Mutual Interest: If you wish to reconnect, look for mutual interests or common connections that could facilitate a more comfortable interaction.

6. Learn from Experience: Use this experience as a learning opportunity. Social interactions, whether online or offline, are often about trial and error. Understanding social cues and boundaries can improve future interactions.

In conclusion, while your intentions may have been positive, it’s crucial to recognize and respect the boundaries of others. Social media can be a wonderful tool for connection, but it also requires sensitivity to the feelings and comfort levels of those we wish to engage with. Moving forward, consider adopting a more cautious approach to interactions, ensuring that they are welcomed and reciprocated. This will not only help you avoid misunderstandings but also foster healthier and more respectful relationships in the future.

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