the Struggles of Mental Health: A Personal Journey

I don't know what's wrong with me?

I have been feeling fatigued and weak for the past two months.
Every day, I lie in bed and don't want to get up; I either feel sleepy or just can't muster the energy to get up, wanting to lie there motionless.
I feel like life is not going well, and I can't find the motivation to do anything.
Days go by, I grow older, yet my future feels increasingly uncertain and dark.
I don't know when it started, but I have been experiencing headaches, and in the past month, I have even begun to suffer from insomnia—either having difficulty falling asleep or waking up several times during the night and being unable to go back to sleep.
In the past two weeks, I have suddenly started crying without reason.
Just thinking about my situation makes me want to cry.
I used to hold it in, not wanting anyone to know I was crying, but now I can't help it; I've lost control and have cried several times.
Last week, my family took me to see a psychiatrist, and the doctor prescribed me Venlafaxine and Alprazolam.
After taking them, I found that I could only fall asleep a bit better.
I have started having suicidal thoughts, feeling very sorry for my family and thinking how useless I am.
I am also afraid of how others might look at me.
Recently, I often think that if I died, everyone would no longer be troubled by me, and I wouldn't have to endure these annoying issues anymore.

Huang Haomin, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/05/23

Dr. Liu Runqian reply Psychiatry

The symptoms you described are more similar to depression.
The symptoms of depression include a depressed mood, loss of interest, psychomotor retardation, difficulty concentrating, decreased appetite, insomnia, fatigue, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts or attempts, lasting for more than two weeks.
Additionally, patients with depression often exhibit significant anxiety symptoms.
A detailed diagnosis and evaluation are still recommended to be conducted by a psychiatrist.

Reply Date: 2016/05/23

More Info

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time, and I want to acknowledge the pain and confusion you are experiencing. Your feelings of fatigue, hopelessness, and emotional distress are serious and deserve attention. It’s important to understand that what you are experiencing may be symptoms of depression or anxiety, which can manifest in various ways, including physical symptoms like headaches and insomnia, as well as emotional symptoms like crying spells and feelings of worthlessness.

The fact that you are feeling overwhelmed and unable to find joy in activities you once enjoyed is a significant indicator that you may need professional help. It’s commendable that you have already taken the step to see a mental health professional, and it’s crucial to continue that journey. The medications prescribed, such as antidepressants, can take time to show their full effects, and it’s essential to maintain open communication with your doctor about how you are feeling on them.

Your thoughts of self-harm and suicide are particularly concerning. It’s vital to take these feelings seriously. Many people who experience depression have thoughts of wanting to escape their pain, but it’s important to remember that there is help available, and things can improve with the right support and treatment. You are not alone in this struggle, and there are people who care about you and want to help.

Here are some steps you can take to help navigate this challenging time:
1. Reach Out for Support: Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. This could be a family member, a friend, or a mental health professional. Sharing your feelings can help alleviate some of the burden you are carrying.

2. Follow Up with Your Doctor: Since you have already seen a mental health professional, it’s important to keep them updated on your symptoms and how the medication is affecting you. If you feel that the current treatment isn’t helping, don’t hesitate to discuss this with your doctor. They may need to adjust your medication or suggest additional therapies.

3. Consider Therapy: In addition to medication, therapy can be incredibly beneficial. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for depression and anxiety, helping you to identify and change negative thought patterns.

4. Establish a Routine: Although it may feel difficult, try to establish a daily routine that includes small, manageable tasks. This can help create a sense of normalcy and accomplishment.

5. Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote your well-being, such as gentle exercise, mindfulness, or hobbies that you used to enjoy. Even small steps can make a difference.

6. Emergency Resources: If you ever feel like you might act on thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out for immediate help. Contact a crisis hotline or go to the nearest emergency room. Your safety is the top priority.

7. Educate Yourself: Understanding more about mental health can empower you. There are many resources available that can provide information about depression and anxiety, helping you to feel less isolated in your experience.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You are taking important steps by acknowledging your feelings and seeking support. It may take time, but with the right help, you can find a way through this difficult period. Your life is valuable, and there are brighter days ahead.

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