Emotional Challenges and Self-Harm in Young Children

Children's Emotional and Self-Harm Issues

Hello, due to my desire to return to work, I asked my mother to come up north to help take care of my youngest daughter starting from when she was 1 year old.
Initially, to help my daughter get familiar with her grandmother, my mother would come for 1 to 2 months and then return to the south for 1 to 2 months, repeating this cycle until my daughter turned 1.
Since birth, my daughter has been breastfed, and after I returned to work, my mother used a bottle to feed her while I would breastfeed her after work.
However, my mother opposed breastfeeding after my daughter turned 1, so whenever I breastfed, she would gesture to my daughter by touching her own face to indicate embarrassment.
My youngest daughter is very persistent and active.
To make it easier for her to care for my daughter and out of concern for our fatigue from work, my mother often took my daughter to her own room for care.

When my daughter was 1 year and 6 months old, my mother complained that my daughter would pull her hair, snatch her glasses (which could break), and had a bad temper.
At that time, my husband and I did not take her complaints seriously, thinking she was overreacting.
My eldest daughter was born at the end of the year, and to prevent her from repeating the kindergarten curriculum, we decided to let her self-study at home.
Initially, my mother used the excuse of caring for two children to take both sisters back to the south for a week, then return to the north for two weeks, and then go back to the south again, stating she had things to do and wouldn’t return for at least 1.5 months.
As a result, my husband and I would visit the two sisters every two weeks.
During our time in the south, I noticed that my youngest daughter began sucking on her own or my toes and trying to lift my mother’s clothes to find breast milk.
My mother-in-law, who lived with my mother, could not tolerate my youngest daughter’s behavior (crying at night—my mother only gave her milk and fruit during the day, and she would throw tantrums), and suggested that we prioritize family and take both sisters back home to care for them ourselves.
During this time, I also took parental leave from work, suspecting that my youngest daughter might be lacking in a sense of security, and subsequently took care of both sisters myself.
When my youngest daughter first returned home, whenever she was angry or upset, she would pull her own hair (with visible clumps of hair being pulled out) and bite her own arms (with noticeable bite marks and bruises).
Each episode of distress lasted about 5 to 30 minutes, occurring 0 to 3 times a day, averaging 3 to 4 times a week.
When her anger first appeared, I usually tried to empathize with her to help her process her emotions, telling her not to pull her hair or hurt herself when angry.
This sometimes helped manage her emotions, but as her crying continued for longer periods, she gradually lost control.
At that point, fearing she would hurt herself, I had no choice but to restrain her on the ground, sometimes accidentally getting bitten until she calmed down and was willing to hug me again.

Over the past six months, her behavior has fluctuated.
Now that my youngest daughter is 2 years and 4 months old, the frequency of her self-harm has decreased, but whenever she experiences uncontrollable emotions, she still pulls her hair, bites her arms, and has started scratching her face (with visible bleeding and wounds).
Each episode lasts at least 30 to 60 minutes, during which she vocalizes her reasons, using words like "no" or "sister."

Brigitte, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/06/16

Dr. Song Chengxian reply Psychiatry

Dear hardworking mother,
First of all, I apologize for the delayed response as I have been out of the country on vacation.
Your letter conveys a lot of information, and I would like to summarize the key points:
1.
Your parenting philosophy differs significantly from your mother's, yet your child has spent a considerable amount of time under her care.

2.
Your younger daughter exhibits a stubborn personality, high persistence, significant emotional fluctuations, and difficulty calming down when upset.
It is possible that she is more sensitive to environmental changes due to her innate temperament, which may explain her intense reactions during the transition of primary caregivers.
However, her high levels of persistence, irritability, and impulsivity seem to have existed prior to returning home and are not solely influenced by the environment.

Since you have already taken parental leave, I recommend that you take your child to a pediatric mental health clinic for evaluation and parenting counseling.
I believe this will provide you with a better understanding and management strategies for your child's emotional and behavioral expressions.

Lastly, I would like to remind you and other online readers that online consultations cannot replace face-to-face evaluations.
I strongly disagree with making excessive judgments or recommendations based on limited information without having seen the case in person.

Sincerely,
Dr.
Song

Reply Date: 2016/06/16

More Info

Understanding emotional challenges and self-harm in young children is a complex issue that requires careful consideration of various factors, including developmental stages, environmental influences, and emotional regulation skills. In the case of your daughter, several key elements are at play that can help explain her behavior and guide you toward effective strategies for support.

Firstly, it is essential to recognize that young children, particularly those around the age of two, are still developing their emotional regulation skills. At this stage, they often lack the vocabulary and cognitive tools to express their feelings adequately. This can lead to frustration and acting out, as they may not know how to communicate their needs or emotions effectively. Your daughter's behaviors, such as pulling her hair or biting her arm, can be seen as attempts to express her distress or frustration when she feels overwhelmed.

The transition from being cared for by her grandmother to being back with you may have also contributed to her emotional challenges. Children thrive on consistency and predictability, and frequent changes in caregivers can create feelings of insecurity. Your daughter’s actions might reflect a struggle to adapt to these changes and a need for reassurance and stability. It’s important to provide her with a secure environment where she feels safe and understood.

Moreover, the interactions between your daughter and her grandmother may have influenced her emotional responses. If the grandmother's caregiving style differs significantly from yours, it can lead to confusion for your daughter. For instance, if she perceives that her grandmother disapproves of certain behaviors (like breastfeeding), she may feel conflicted about her needs and desires. This internal conflict can manifest as behavioral issues or self-harm.

In terms of managing her emotional outbursts, it’s crucial to approach the situation with empathy and understanding. When she exhibits self-harming behaviors, it’s essential to intervene gently but firmly. Instead of physically restraining her, which can escalate her distress, try to redirect her attention to a calming activity or a comforting object. Teaching her alternative ways to express her feelings, such as using words or engaging in creative play, can also be beneficial.

Additionally, consider implementing consistent routines and boundaries. Children often feel more secure when they know what to expect. Establishing a daily routine can help your daughter feel more in control and reduce anxiety. Positive reinforcement for appropriate emotional expression can also encourage her to use healthier coping strategies.

It may also be helpful to seek professional guidance. Consulting with a child psychologist or a pediatric mental health specialist can provide you with tailored strategies and support. They can assess your daughter's emotional and behavioral patterns and offer insights into whether her behaviors are part of typical development or if they indicate a more significant concern.

Lastly, ensure that you are taking care of your own emotional well-being. Parenting a child with emotional challenges can be exhausting and stressful. Seeking support for yourself, whether through parenting groups, therapy, or trusted friends, can help you maintain your resilience and provide the best support for your daughter.

In summary, understanding and addressing emotional challenges and self-harm in young children requires a multifaceted approach. By fostering a secure environment, teaching emotional regulation skills, and seeking professional support when needed, you can help your daughter navigate her feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Similar Q&A

Addressing Emotional Challenges in Young Children: A Parent's Guide

I have a pair of children, a 7-year-old son and a 2-year-old daughter. However, my son's language expression skills seem to be insufficient; sometimes I have to guess what he wants to say. Recently, I discovered that he has emotional difficulties and occasionally hurts himse...

Dr. Chen Xianchang reply Rehabilitation
Hello, Miss: Thank you for your inquiry. I would like to address your questions and provide the following suggestions: 1. Generally speaking, I recommend that you first communicate with the teacher to see if there are any pressures related to social interactions with classmates o...

Understanding and Addressing Emotional Instability in Young Children

Hello, Doctor: 1. A child under the age of eight is exhibiting unstable emotions triggered by stimuli, resembling the erratic behavior of a character in a television show, alternating between laughter and crying, and cursing at others. I would like to know how to help her recov...

Dr. Song Chengxian reply Psychiatry
Hello Mandy, indeed, young children have limited verbal abilities and sometimes cannot express their experiences as clearly as adults. This is where pediatric psychologists and child psychiatrists, who specialize in this field, can be of assistance. Therefore, it is best for the ...

Understanding Children's Mental Health: Addressing Academic Pressure and Suicidal Thoughts

Hello, doctor: I am a working mother with two young children, a third-grade daughter and a second-grade son. After school, they go directly to after-school care, which they have been attending for over two years. I am not too worried about my daughter academically; she has good l...

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello, Xiaoxin: This is a cry for help from the child. I suggest we first listen, take the time to carefully understand what difficulties the child is facing, and how we can assist them. A child's emotional state can significantly impact their learning, and for a child to ac...

Understanding Self-Harm: Navigating Emotional Turmoil and Trust Issues

Hello, Doctor. I have attempted suicide in sixth grade and seventh grade, and I have engaged in self-harm from time to time. However, these issues gradually improved when I entered high school. But there are two things that continue to trouble me. The first issue is that even t...

Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry
Hello. The text reveals that negative emotions often lead to self-harming behaviors. I hope you can cherish yourself. Just as you are asking questions, it is also a hope for your mental and physical well-being. I suggest you consult a mental health professional as soon as possibl...