Dealing with Narcissism: My Anger and Emotional Control

Disliking narcissists and feeling angry about it does not necessarily indicate that you have a mental illness. It's natural to feel frustrated or upset when dealing with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits, as their behavior can be challenging and emotionally draining. However, if these feelings are overwhelming or affecting your daily life

I find it very difficult to tolerate some cynical individuals, colleagues, and friends, although I may not always express it.
I feel it's a form of prejudice when they judge me as a negative person based on trivial matters.
In reality, I am well aware that their descriptions do not reflect my actual life situation.
Whenever I encounter narcissistic and self-righteous people who casually judge the worth of others, I feel an intense urge to shout at them or even physically confront them.
However, I later realize that my anger may be a projection of my own narcissism.
I constantly remind myself to stay calm, as projection can attract similarly angry individuals, but I find it hard to control myself.
Every so often, when I encounter cynical people discussing my affairs, I curse their lives, wishing for their failure or even a quick demise.
Normally, I wouldn't go to such extremes in cursing others, and I do have social relationships (though not extensive) to relieve stress.
Yet, when anger strikes, I become very upset.
I've even considered self-harm as a way to reduce my anger, but my rationality has prevented me from doing so.
I worry that one day I might lash out verbally at others or harm myself to alleviate my anger.
This disdain for narcissists and my tendency to bottle up anger have been evident since middle school, where I would lose control and yell in front of the entire class, causing my classmates to fear me.
I have even questioned whether I might have a potential borderline personality disorder (though it's just a suspicion).
However, as I have grown older, instances of losing control have decreased significantly, and I have not publicly lost control in a long time.
Yet, the issue of accumulating anger still persists, especially when I encounter self-centered individuals, which greatly exacerbates my anger.
I still worry that one day I might revert to my past behavior of losing control in public.
Am I suffering from a mental illness? What should I do? How can I manage my anger?

Zìliàn, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/08/05

Dr. Zhong Mingxun reply Psychiatry

This is not an illness! This is a lesson in your life! Everyone has their own issues to face, and each person's challenges stem from their personal growth experiences.
I suspect that there may be an important person in your life who possesses this trait, which makes it unbearable for you.
The anger towards such individuals can become uncontrollable.
If this situation persists, I recommend seeking help from a psychodynamic therapist to assist you.

Reply Date: 2016/08/05

More Info

Dealing with narcissism and the accompanying feelings of anger can be quite challenging, especially when it seems to trigger intense emotional responses. From your description, it appears that you are grappling with a complex interplay of emotions, including frustration, anger, and perhaps even self-reflection regarding your own tendencies. It’s important to recognize that feeling anger towards narcissistic individuals is a common reaction, as their behavior can often be dismissive, self-centered, and frustrating to deal with.

Firstly, it’s crucial to understand that your feelings are valid. Anger can be a natural response to perceived injustices or when we feel misunderstood. However, the way you express and manage that anger is what can lead to either constructive or destructive outcomes. The fact that you have recognized your tendency to project your feelings onto others is a significant step towards emotional awareness and control. This self-awareness can be a powerful tool in managing your emotions.

You mentioned that you sometimes feel the urge to lash out verbally or physically when confronted with narcissistic behavior. This is a signal that your emotional thresholds may be being tested. It’s essential to develop strategies to cope with these feelings before they escalate. Here are some techniques that might help:
1. Mindfulness and Breathing Exercises: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment and reduce the intensity of your emotional responses. Simple breathing exercises, such as inhaling deeply for a count of four, holding for four, and exhaling for four, can help calm your nervous system and provide a moment to collect your thoughts before reacting.

2. Cognitive Behavioral Techniques: Challenge the thoughts that lead to your anger. Ask yourself if the situation truly warrants such a strong emotional response. Reframing your thoughts can help you see the situation from a different perspective, reducing the intensity of your feelings.

3. Physical Activity: Engaging in regular physical exercise can be an effective way to manage anger and stress. Activities like running, swimming, or even walking can help release pent-up energy and improve your mood.

4. Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide an outlet for your emotions. It can also help you process your experiences and identify patterns in your reactions.

5. Setting Boundaries: If certain individuals consistently trigger your anger, it may be beneficial to set boundaries with them. This could mean limiting your interactions or being clear about what behaviors you find unacceptable.

6. Seeking Professional Help: If you find that your anger is overwhelming or leading to thoughts of self-harm, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional. They can provide you with tailored strategies and support to help you manage your emotions effectively.

7. Developing Empathy: While it may be difficult, trying to understand the motivations behind narcissistic behavior can sometimes lessen your anger. Recognizing that their actions often stem from their insecurities can help you detach emotionally from their behavior.

Lastly, it’s important to remember that everyone has their struggles, and it’s okay to seek help when you need it. Your concern about potentially reverting to past behaviors is valid, but with the right tools and support, you can learn to manage your emotions in a healthier way. Embracing this journey of self-discovery and emotional regulation can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Similar Q&A

Managing Emotional Turmoil: Coping with Anger and Self-Conflict

After arguing with my boyfriend, I tend to blame him and feel that everything is his fault, but I also don't want to place all the blame on him, so I think it's my problem too. This internal conflict makes me very angry, and I end up hating myself. When I get angry, I c...

Dr. Zhang Fangrong reply Psychiatry
Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for your message. Based on your description, I can clearly sense your discomfort. It seems that this is your way of dealing with your emotions; wanting to be angry at others but ultimately directing that frustration inward. This should be within your ow...

Breaking the Cycle of Anger: Finding Peace After Trauma

Hello, doctor. Since I had conflicts with others in the past, they have started to cause me trouble. The reason is that they were in the wrong first, and I shouldn't have retaliated in that way, which led to a cycle of revenge. Eventually, even a neighbor living nearby becam...

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry
Hello Amin: Based on your description, you have gone through a lot of hardships and have made significant efforts, as well as developed some coping strategies. You mentioned that medication is effective for you, but you tend to lose control when not taking it. I recommend that yo...

Coping with Persistent Anger: Strategies for Emotional Healing

I have been insulted, and even after three months, I still feel very angry when I recall the same situation. The more I try to avoid thinking about it, the more it keeps resurfacing in my mind. I have read psychology and self-help books, but nothing seems to work. How should I co...

Dr. Duan Yongzhang reply Psychiatry
Hello: I'm not sure what you mean by "formal treatment." If you are experiencing ongoing emotional distress that affects your appetite and sleep, and you are unable to self-regulate, you can seek care at a psychiatric outpatient clinic.

Struggling with Emotional Control: A High School Student's Journey

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're experiencing significant emotional challenges, including anger and sadness, which have been difficult for you to manage. You mentioned that you often feel angry over small issues but are afraid t...

Dr. Chen Wenke reply Psychiatry
Hello: Regarding your title: "Inability to Control Emotions," I want to commend you for bravely recognizing that you have emotional issues as a high school freshman. Struggling with anger and sadness is quite common at your age, as you are going through a natural physio...