Infected depression
Hello Doctor, I have a very close friend who told me that she was diagnosed with depression.
I am very worried about her.
She once mentioned that I shouldn't say things like "cheer up" to someone with depression, so I am very careful with my words because I fear that I might say something that could worsen her condition.
However, I have been feeling a lot of pressure lately.
My friend sometimes suddenly erupts in anger.
For example, once when she faced difficulties at work, I tried to support her by saying things like, "It's not all your fault; your colleagues should take some responsibility too." She became very angry and insisted that she wasn't blaming her colleagues and that it was her fault.
I quickly changed my approach and said, "Oh, I've experienced something similar, and here's what I did..." Then she started crying and getting angry, saying she had already been criticized, and at that moment, I felt really scared and overwhelmed.
Another instance was when I went out with other mutual friends.
We share common dreams and things to do, and when she knows about it, she starts to mock me and becomes very unhappy.
Recently, she has been criticizing me for my mistakes and calling me incompetent, yet she holds herself to a double standard.
For example, when we went to an all-you-can-eat restaurant, I ordered my favorite foods but couldn't finish them, leaving just a small amount of meat.
She got very angry and scolded me for wasting food, even though she has also discarded food after just one bite because she is very picky.
She believes that her actions are not wasteful.
Lately, whenever I see my friend, I feel a lot of pressure—not only because of her emotions but also because I feel like she wants to control me.
However, she is truly an important person in my life, and I want to support her.
I really hope she can get better.
Doctor, please help me.
What should I do?
Xiao Er, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/09/19
Dr. Qiu Junda reply Psychiatry
Hello: I'm glad to see your concern for your friend's condition.
Here are some suggestions: 1.
Since your friend has previously sought medical attention, you could accompany them to their appointment for consultation.
This way, you can also ask how you can support and assist as a friend.
2.
There are many educational articles available online regarding how to interact with individuals suffering from depression; you may want to refer to and learn from those resources.
Reply Date: 2016/09/19
More Info
Supporting a friend with depression can be a challenging and emotionally taxing experience, especially when you care deeply for that person. It’s commendable that you want to be there for your friend, but it's also important to recognize the impact this situation can have on your own mental health. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this difficult time while supporting your friend effectively.
Understanding Depression
First, it’s crucial to understand that depression is a complex mental health condition that can manifest in various ways, including irritability, anger, and emotional outbursts. Your friend’s reactions, such as sudden anger or criticism, may stem from her internal struggles rather than being a reflection of your actions. People with depression often experience heightened sensitivity and may misinterpret others' intentions, leading to conflicts.
Communication Strategies
1. Listen Actively: Sometimes, the best support you can offer is simply being there to listen. Allow your friend to express her feelings without immediately trying to fix the situation or offer solutions. Validate her feelings by acknowledging her struggles, which can help her feel understood.
2. Avoid Clichés: As you mentioned, phrases like "just hang in there" or "you'll get through this" can feel dismissive to someone experiencing depression. Instead, try to use empathetic language. For example, you might say, "I can’t imagine how tough this is for you right now."
3. Set Boundaries: While it’s important to support your friend, it’s equally vital to take care of your own mental health. If her behavior becomes overwhelming, it’s okay to set boundaries. You can express your need for space in a gentle manner, such as, "I care about you, but I also need some time to recharge."
Encouraging Professional Help
Encourage your friend to seek professional help if she hasn’t already. You might say something like, "It sounds like you’re going through a really hard time. Have you thought about talking to someone who can help?" This approach shows your concern without being pushy.
Managing Your Stress
Supporting someone with depression can lead to feelings of stress and anxiety for you as well. Here are some ways to manage your own emotional well-being:
1. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to talk to someone about your feelings, whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional. Sharing your experiences can provide relief and perspective.
2. Engage in Self-Care: Make sure to prioritize your own mental health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s exercising, reading, or spending time with other friends.
3. Educate Yourself: Understanding depression can help you respond more effectively. There are many resources available, including books and online articles, that can provide insights into what your friend is experiencing.
Recognizing When to Step Back
If your friend’s behavior becomes too controlling or abusive, it’s important to recognize that you may need to step back for your own safety and mental health. It’s okay to take a break from the friendship if it becomes too toxic. You can express your feelings honestly, letting her know that you care but need to prioritize your own well-being.
Conclusion
Supporting a friend with depression is a delicate balance of empathy, communication, and self-care. By listening actively, encouraging professional help, and managing your own stress, you can provide meaningful support while also taking care of your own mental health. Remember, it’s okay to seek help for yourself as well, and sometimes the best way to help someone else is to ensure you are in a good place yourself.
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