Overcoming Social Anxiety: A Teen's Struggle with Communication - Psychiatry

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Feeling anxious while chatting?


Hello, Doctor: I am a second-year junior high school student.
Since I entered junior high, I have noticed that I feel anxious when talking to my classmates.
I often force myself to think of topics to discuss, but it backfires, leaving my mind blank and making me feel tense and fearful, regardless of who I'm speaking with.
I have tried to stop deliberately thinking of topics, but I still can't overcome this issue.
I still feel very afraid of chatting with others, and my interpersonal relationships in class have become problematic.
I have even had thoughts of self-harm due to the immense pressure I feel.
I often wonder if I am a strange person.
Doctor, do you think I might have social anxiety disorder? What should I do? Thank you very much!

Xiao Wei, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/11/03

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry


Hello, Xiao Wei: It is recommended to focus your attention on the other person during conversations, actively listening and understanding them, which can often reduce anxiety.
Being an attentive listener is usually more appreciated than being the one who speaks.
When the conversation strays from the topic, it’s perfectly fine to listen, nod, and smile.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2016/11/03

More Info


Overcoming social anxiety is a significant challenge, especially for teenagers navigating the complexities of communication and peer relationships. Your feelings of anxiety when speaking with classmates, the pressure to think of conversation topics, and the fear of judgment are common experiences for those dealing with social anxiety disorder (SAD). It’s important to recognize that you are not alone in this struggle, and many individuals face similar challenges.

Social anxiety disorder is characterized by an intense fear of social situations where one may be scrutinized or judged by others. This can manifest in various ways, including avoidance of social interactions, excessive worry about embarrassing oneself, and physical symptoms such as sweating or trembling. Your experience of feeling blank when trying to engage in conversation and the subsequent feelings of inadequacy are indicative of this condition.

To address your concerns, here are several strategies that may help you manage and eventually overcome social anxiety:
1. Seek Professional Help: It’s crucial to talk to a mental health professional who can provide a proper diagnosis and treatment plan. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for social anxiety. This therapy helps you identify negative thought patterns and replace them with more positive, realistic ones. A therapist can also guide you through exposure therapy, gradually helping you face social situations in a controlled manner.

2. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, can help reduce anxiety levels. When you feel anxious, take a moment to breathe deeply and focus on the present moment rather than worrying about what others might think.

3. Gradual Exposure: Start small by engaging in low-pressure social interactions. This could be as simple as greeting a classmate or participating in a group discussion. Gradually increase the complexity of these interactions as you become more comfortable.

4. Focus on Listening: Shift your focus from worrying about what to say to actively listening to others. This not only takes the pressure off you but also helps you engage more naturally in conversations. People appreciate good listeners, and this can help you build rapport with your peers.

5. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking negatively about your social skills or fearing judgment, challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support these beliefs or if they are simply assumptions. Often, we are our harshest critics.

6. Build a Support System: Surround yourself with understanding friends or family members who can provide encouragement. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can alleviate some of the burdens of anxiety.

7. Join Support Groups: Consider joining a support group for individuals with social anxiety. Sharing experiences with others who understand what you’re going through can be incredibly validating and helpful.

8. Educate Yourself: Learning more about social anxiety can empower you. Understanding that it is a common condition can help normalize your experiences and reduce feelings of isolation.

9. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection in social interactions, set achievable goals for yourself. Celebrate small victories, such as initiating a conversation or participating in class discussions.

10. Consider Medication: In some cases, medication may be necessary to help manage symptoms. Consult with a psychiatrist to discuss whether this is a suitable option for you.

Remember, overcoming social anxiety is a journey that takes time and patience. It’s essential to be kind to yourself throughout this process. You are not “weird” or “strange” for feeling this way; many people experience similar feelings, and with the right support and strategies, you can learn to navigate social situations more comfortably. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help, as taking that first step can lead to significant improvements in your quality of life.

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