Overcoming Social Anxiety: A Journey from Isolation to Confidence

Social Anxiety Disorder

In elementary school, I had a good social circle in grades 1-4, but in grades 5-6, even though I participated in the dodgeball team, I was hesitant to talk to my classmates.
Instead, I became good friends with the younger students.
My social interactions in junior high were okay, but in my first year of high school, I sat in my seat during almost every class, afraid to initiate conversations with others, becoming an outsider in my class.
In my second year, a classmate started talking to me and helped me get to know others, which gradually helped me integrate into the class.
However, I often trembled and had sweaty palms during presentations, and I was afraid to try anything new.
I rarely spoke to teachers unless they approached me first; I would just listen.
I also felt uncomfortable interacting with the opposite sex, and if I had to, it would become extremely awkward because my heart would race, but I wouldn’t say anything.
I didn’t realize how much this affected my life until I got to college, where I became an outsider again.
Our school emphasized teamwork, and many courses required group work.
I was afraid of failure and lacked confidence, terrified of being watched while doing anything (even things I was good at; as long as someone was watching, I would freeze and not move).
I felt like I couldn’t do anything well, and others even thought I was slow and disliked me.
I began to dread going to school, especially during practical classes that lasted from morning until evening.
Each class made me want to run away.
There was a time when I was criticized by classmates for not performing well, which led me to contemplate suicide.
I felt an invisible pressure weighing down on me every day, and after midterms, I thought about suicide almost daily.
School became a painful experience for me, and I just wanted to drop out and hide.
Now, even outside of practical classes, I feel immense pressure when encountering classmates and want to escape their gaze.
In college, I tried many ways to relieve stress, such as exercising, listening to music, and seeking help from counselors, but these situations seemed unresolved; they only allowed me to vent my stress temporarily.
Sometimes, I wanted to share many things with the counselor, but the moment I entered, my mind would go blank, and I would forget what I wanted to say.
Because of this pressure, I don’t understand why I exist in this world.
No matter what I do, I deny myself and think it’s impossible.
Even when others encourage me, I take it as mere consolation.
I really want to drop out, but I don’t know what I would do if I did! I want to become more confident, but I fear that no matter if I drop out, change majors, or transfer schools, I will still be the same.
I easily become anxious, and during the psychological assessment at the start of college, my anxiety score was 97%.
Do I need to seek medical help for these situations, or are there ways to improve? Am I experiencing these issues because I chose the wrong major? Thank you for patiently reading.

Zhi, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/02/28

Dr. Peng Liyun reply Psychiatry

Dear Sir/Madam,
From your letter, I can sense the emotions and stress you are currently experiencing due to changes in your mood, thoughts, and daily life.
It seems you may have been feeling down, which can significantly impact your emotional well-being and daily activities, especially in relation to academic pressures and interactions with classmates.

I would recommend that you talk to close family members or friends about your feelings and seek support from your school counselor or advisor to discuss your emotions and potential changes.
If necessary, consider consulting a psychologist or psychiatrist who can help address your feelings and the pressures you face at school.

I believe you have a strong interest in learning, but you may be facing challenges in expressing yourself and interacting with others.
I hope you can continue to pursue your goals and ideals.
Our clinic is open for consultations from Monday to Friday, and I believe that seeking professional assistance can help you resolve your issues.
Wishing you peace and joy.

Reply Date: 2020/02/28

More Info

Overcoming social anxiety is a complex journey that many individuals face, especially those who have experienced feelings of isolation and self-doubt throughout their formative years. Your narrative reveals a deep struggle with social interactions, particularly in environments that demand engagement and collaboration, such as school and university settings. It’s important to recognize that what you are experiencing is not uncommon, and many people share similar feelings of anxiety and fear in social situations.

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is characterized by an intense fear of social situations where one might be judged or scrutinized by others. This fear can manifest in various ways, including physical symptoms like sweating, trembling, and a racing heart, as well as cognitive symptoms such as excessive worry about being embarrassed or humiliated. Your experiences of feeling like an outsider, avoiding interactions, and fearing judgment from peers are indicative of this condition.

The first step in addressing social anxiety is to acknowledge that it is a legitimate mental health issue that can significantly impact your quality of life. Seeking professional help is crucial. A mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can provide a proper diagnosis and develop a tailored treatment plan. This may include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which is highly effective for social anxiety. CBT helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns and beliefs that contribute to anxiety, replacing them with more constructive and realistic thoughts.

In addition to therapy, medication may also be an option. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and other medications can help alleviate symptoms of anxiety. However, it’s essential to work closely with a healthcare provider to monitor any side effects and adjust treatment as necessary.

Beyond professional help, there are several self-help strategies you can implement to manage your anxiety:
1. Gradual Exposure: Start by exposing yourself to social situations in a controlled manner. This could mean initiating small conversations with classmates or participating in group activities. Gradually increase the complexity of these interactions as you become more comfortable.

2. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practicing mindfulness, meditation, or deep-breathing exercises can help reduce anxiety symptoms. These techniques promote relaxation and can help you stay grounded during stressful situations.

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you find yourself thinking negatively about a social situation, try to challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support them or if you are catastrophizing the outcome. Reframing your thoughts can help reduce anxiety.

4. Set Realistic Goals: Instead of aiming for perfection in social situations, set achievable goals. For example, aim to speak up once during a group discussion or to greet a classmate. Celebrate these small victories to build your confidence.

5. Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends or family members who understand your struggles. They can provide encouragement and help you practice social interactions in a safe environment.

6. Engage in Activities You Enjoy: Participating in hobbies or interests can provide opportunities to meet new people in a more relaxed setting. This can help reduce the pressure of social interactions.

7. Educate Yourself: Understanding social anxiety can empower you. Read books or attend workshops on social skills and anxiety management to gain insights and strategies.

It’s also important to consider that your feelings of anxiety and isolation may not solely stem from your chosen field of study. While it’s natural to question whether you’ve made the right choice, it’s essential to focus on developing coping strategies and seeking support rather than making impulsive decisions about changing your academic path.

In conclusion, overcoming social anxiety is a gradual process that requires patience and persistence. By seeking professional help, employing self-help strategies, and building a supportive network, you can work towards gaining confidence and improving your social interactions. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and with the right support and tools, it is possible to move from isolation to confidence.

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