Social Anxiety: Navigating Isolation and Emotional Struggles

You're welcome!

Since childhood, I have been introverted and tend to avoid initiating conversations with others.
I also fear talking to people, feel insecure and lack confidence, and sometimes have negative thoughts.
I can easily become angry over small matters.
Before speaking to strangers, I often struggle with whether or not to say something, which leads others to perceive me as a very quiet person, making it easy for me to be isolated.
I often find myself sitting alone, doing my own thing.
When called upon to give a presentation, I become extremely nervous and my face turns red.
I also feel anxious when making phone calls to strangers.
I prefer not to interact with people I am not familiar with unless they initiate the conversation; only then will I respond.
(In online games, I am more proactive in communicating through typing, but in real-life situations or voice conversations, I revert to my quiet self.) In front of close friends, I can express myself lively and enthusiastically, but when outsiders are present, I become quiet again, almost like two different people.
Sometimes, even with friends, I can talk openly, and I enjoy communicating through letters (the same person I speak to will also reply), which makes me happy, but I feel strange about it.
Additionally, I used to not cry much, but now I find myself crying more often, and I even experience a feeling of tightness or numbness in my chest.
I haven't specifically consulted a doctor about this; I just brush it off as nothing.
Furthermore, I don't know why I sometimes receive a message in my mind telling me to distance myself from everything, including family and friends, because everything feels overwhelming.
I really dislike this message when it appears, and I can only distract myself to make it go away (this message occasionally comes to my mind).
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hong Xi, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2015/09/27

Dr. Ding Shuyan reply Psychiatry

Hello, first we should try to accept who we are, especially since you seem to be a very kind person.
This positive trait deserves more recognition.
Just as rice nourishes a hundred different people, both introversion and extroversion have their own advantages.
Outgoing individuals tend to stand out more, especially in today's age of advanced social media.
This can create an illusion that silent, introverted people are a minority and somehow less favorable in personality.
In fact, in our Eastern society, there are still many who are more introverted and restrained in expressing themselves.
This is evident in the power of the silent majority during political elections and social movements, where a large group of people seems to have no voice, or even appears to be nonexistent.
Therefore, there should be quite a few people with personalities similar to yours, and they are generally recognized as more rational individuals.
Of course, we should pay more attention to emotional distress, such as your mention of becoming more tearful, experiencing chest tightness, and feeling easily annoyed.
If these conditions are relatively short-term and transitional, shifting your focus to engaging in relaxing and enjoyable activities, or confiding in someone you trust, can often help.
However, if these feelings persist for a longer duration and do not improve through self-adjustment, it may be advisable to consult a doctor.
For those who experience social anxiety, it is common to ruminate on their own issues, which can lead to a vicious cycle.
If you can shift your attention to caring for and helping others, it often alleviates the situation significantly, and you might want to give that a try.
Wishing you all the best,
Dr.
Ding Shuo-Yan

Reply Date: 2015/09/27

More Info

Social anxiety is a complex condition that can significantly impact an individual's daily life, relationships, and overall well-being. It often manifests as an intense fear of social situations, leading to avoidance behaviors and feelings of isolation. Your description of feeling more comfortable in familiar settings while struggling to engage with strangers is a common experience for many individuals with social anxiety. This condition can lead to a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions, making it challenging to break free from the constraints it imposes.

From what you've shared, it seems that your social anxiety is compounded by feelings of low self-esteem and self-doubt. This can create a barrier to initiating conversations or participating in social activities, leading to further isolation. The fact that you feel more at ease communicating through text in online games, as opposed to face-to-face interactions, highlights the comfort that anonymity can provide. This is a common coping mechanism for many individuals with social anxiety, as it allows for interaction without the immediate pressure of social judgment.

The emotional struggles you mentioned, such as increased crying and feelings of chest tightness, are also significant indicators of anxiety. These physical symptoms can be distressing and may lead to a cycle of worry about experiencing them in social situations, further exacerbating your anxiety. It's important to recognize that these feelings are valid and that seeking help is a crucial step toward managing them.

The thoughts urging you to distance yourself from family and friends can be particularly concerning. This kind of cognitive distortion is often a symptom of anxiety and can lead to further isolation. It's essential to address these thoughts and understand that while they may feel overwhelming, they do not reflect reality. Engaging with a mental health professional can provide you with the tools to challenge these thoughts and develop healthier coping strategies.

To navigate these challenges, consider the following approaches:
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This form of therapy is highly effective for social anxiety. It helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns and develop healthier coping mechanisms. A therapist can guide you through exposure exercises, gradually helping you face social situations in a controlled manner.

2. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing anxiety. Techniques such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and meditation can alleviate physical symptoms of anxiety and promote a sense of calm.

3. Gradual Exposure: Start by setting small, achievable social goals. This could involve initiating a brief conversation with a cashier or participating in a small group discussion. Gradually increasing your exposure to social situations can help build confidence over time.

4. Journaling: Writing about your feelings and experiences can provide an outlet for your emotions. It can also help you identify triggers and patterns in your anxiety, making it easier to address them.

5. Support Groups: Connecting with others who experience similar challenges can be incredibly validating. Support groups provide a safe space to share experiences and coping strategies.

6. Professional Help: If you haven't already, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. They can provide a tailored treatment plan that addresses your specific needs and concerns.

It's important to remember that you are not alone in this struggle. Many individuals experience social anxiety, and with the right support and strategies, it is possible to manage and reduce its impact on your life. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and taking the first step toward understanding and addressing your anxiety can lead to significant improvements in your quality of life.

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