Struggling with Loss: Coping with Grief and Mental Health Challenges - Psychiatry

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It seems there isn't much to hold on to?


After breaking up with my partner last year, my life has been full of difficulties.
First, my grandfather passed away, then my grandmother, and finally, my father.
Since my father's death, I haven't been able to work properly; I haven't had a job for almost six months.
Sometimes I miss him so much that I cry, and I feel useless.
I often stay in my room scrolling through my phone, not wanting to do anything.
There are some things I don't want to share with anyone, and thinking about it makes me feel suffocated.
When I’m not working, I’ve started to have my days and nights mixed up, only able to sleep well when the sun rises.
Sometimes I sleep for 18 hours straight without waking up.
No matter what others say to me, I can't grasp it immediately, and I might forget the main points of what they said shortly after.
I've thought about leaving this world and considered methods of suicide that might be quicker.
I really don't know what to do, and I feel like I’m just giving up and not wanting to work.
It feels like I'm becoming increasingly disconnected from society.

Chenghu, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/11/22

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry


Hello: After a series of setbacks, it's natural to feel down and sad, and one's willpower and thoughts may lean towards pessimism.
However, this state is not permanent; by taking some positive actions, it is possible to gradually escape this depressive black hole.
Most cases of depression can improve with appropriate treatment.
The past is behind us, and the present and future will indeed differ based on our choices and actions.
I recommend rediscovering your interests, strengths, and passions, and investing your time and energy into them.
Change is a slow and cumulative process, so if you don't see significant results right away, don't be discouraged; just keep trying.
I also suggest seeking medical assistance, as such low periods can often be improved.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2016/11/22

More Info


I'm truly sorry to hear about the immense pain and loss you have been experiencing. Grieving the loss of loved ones, especially significant figures like your partner and parents, can be an incredibly challenging journey. It's understandable that these losses have impacted your mental health and daily functioning. The feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and disconnection you describe are common responses to grief, but they can also lead to more serious mental health challenges if not addressed.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that grief is a complex and individual process. There is no "right" way to grieve, and it often involves a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, and even guilt. The fact that you are experiencing such intense feelings and thoughts about self-harm indicates that you may be struggling with more than just grief; it could be a sign of depression or an adjustment disorder, particularly given the significant losses you've faced in a short period.

Your description of withdrawing from activities, sleeping excessively, and feeling disconnected from others are all signs that you may need additional support. It's crucial to reach out for help, whether that be through a mental health professional, a support group, or trusted friends and family. Talking about your feelings and experiences can be incredibly therapeutic and can help you process your grief in a healthier way.

Here are some steps you can consider taking to cope with your grief and mental health challenges:
1. Seek Professional Help: A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and work through your grief. They can also help you develop coping strategies to manage your emotions and thoughts.

2. Establish a Routine: Although it may feel difficult, try to create a daily routine that includes regular sleep patterns, meals, and activities. This can help provide structure to your day and may improve your mood over time.

3. Engage in Self-Care: Focus on activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise, healthy eating, and mindfulness practices. Even small actions, like taking a walk or practicing deep breathing, can make a difference.

4. Connect with Others: While it may feel easier to isolate yourself, connecting with friends, family, or support groups can provide comfort and understanding. Sharing your experiences with others who have faced similar losses can be particularly healing.

5. Express Your Feelings: Writing in a journal, creating art, or engaging in other forms of self-expression can help you process your emotions. Allow yourself to feel and express your grief without judgment.

6. Limit Social Media: If you find that scrolling through social media exacerbates your feelings of inadequacy or sadness, consider taking a break from it. Focus on real-life connections instead.

7. Be Patient with Yourself: Grieving is not a linear process, and it's normal to have good days and bad days. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise without pressure to "move on" or "get over it."
8. Crisis Resources: If you ever feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of self-harm, please reach out to a crisis hotline or mental health professional immediately. In the U.S., the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) and offers confidential support 24/7.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there is help available. Taking the first step to reach out for support can be daunting, but it is a crucial part of healing. Your feelings are valid, and with time and support, it is possible to find a way through this pain.

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