Finding Hope Amidst Grief: Navigating Mental Health Challenges

Q: Finding Hope Amidst Grief: Navigating Mental Health Challenges

Hello, A Yi： "Life is a long accumulation." It is advisable to be more patient and remember that what we can change is the present and the future. <br>Throughout life, new challenges may continually arise, and past memories may intermittently disturb our emotions. <br>What we nee

Where is the promised happiness?

Hello Dr.
Liang, I understand that doctors are very busy and have little time, but my outpatient consultation time is so brief that aside from arranging discussions with a psychologist, I have no other options! However, apart from the days I take off, I can only wait for those days to have a conversation.
I apologize for bothering everyone with my personal issues! This is the last time I will consult you about a similar matter; there won't be a next time! Do you understand? On the 21st of this month, it is the funeral of my former girlfriend, Ms.
Huang (a pseudonym).
This shocking news has hit me hard, and I am truly very sad! But I can't cry! Perhaps it’s because our relationship was more casual or due to other factors! But I am really heartbroken! Especially when the coffin was taken for cremation! She was only 38 years old...
Memories of her come back to me in fragments, from when we met in middle school to the funeral; everything feels like a sudden shock, as if it happened in an instant! Life is like that; in the blink of an eye, it can be gone! I can imagine how miserable my own funeral will be in the future! I’m sorry to so many people; even doing good deeds won’t change anything! Even if the other party can’t find me, it still exists in the cause and effect.
Moreover, in this lifetime, the other party might come to settle accounts with me or ask me to marry her, but I cannot marry so many people at once, even if I have paid a price before (serving time in prison), some of which I haven’t.
I really want to be free! Ever since Ms.
Huang's funeral, I have been considered a person without a future since childhood! Not to mention, I have made my life this way! After the funeral, I no longer hold hope for any girl, nor do I focus my gaze on them; I only immerse myself in my own sadness.
If every former girlfriend were to pass away before me during my lifetime, then losing one would mean mourning once, which would truly be my retribution! My mental illness is like this now; since I became ill, my mind has been unclear but gradually becoming clearer and more aware.
During this time, I don’t know how much trouble I’ve caused! I have encountered benefactors, those who take advantage of my situation, the estrangement of former friends and classmates, and even someone who suggested I should reincarnate! But that’s all in the past.
My only flaw at work now is that I, like a certain female colleague, tend to oversleep, which leads to absenteeism! This is my last chance; if it happens again, I will have to say goodbye to my position.
If it weren’t for my supervisor vouching for me, I would have had to seek another path, possibly returning home to live off my parents or leading a miserable life.
Moreover, as a mental health patient, it is inevitable that I sometimes experience emotional discomfort! I know I need to focus on the present and the future, but ever since my mother and now Ms.
Huang have passed away, I feel so incompetent and unaccomplished, unable to save either of them! This was already foretold! When I was in elementary school, I had a strange dream predicting that my mother would die of cancer, and it indeed happened...
I am truly a troublemaker, unable to save even the ones I care about, leading them to leave; my heart is shattered! I can only silently question the heavens! Now, I can only listen to sadder songs to ease my feelings, but sometimes the more I listen, the sadder I become; the lyrics are like a reflection of my own life!

A Yi, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2019/04/23

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello, A Yi: "Life is a long accumulation." It is advisable to be more patient and remember that what we can change is the present and the future.
Throughout life, new challenges may continually arise, and past memories may intermittently disturb our emotions.
What we need to learn is how to cope with these changes, and the principle remains to be more patient.
When feeling sad or in pain, we should face it and accept it.
The next step is to learn from past lessons and continue moving forward.
Perhaps we still may not be doing well enough, but the only principle is to be patient, not give up, make adjustments, and set off again.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2019/04/23

More Info

I'm truly sorry to hear about the immense pain and grief you're experiencing. It sounds like you are navigating a very challenging emotional landscape, especially following the loss of someone significant in your life. Grief can manifest in many ways, and it's not uncommon to feel a mix of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. The fact that you are reflecting on your feelings and seeking help is a positive step forward.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that grief is a personal journey, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. The inability to cry or express your emotions outwardly does not diminish the depth of your sorrow. Sometimes, people process grief internally, and it can take time for those feelings to surface. The memories of your past relationship and the suddenness of loss can create a whirlwind of emotions that may feel overwhelming.

You mentioned feeling like a "troublemaker" and reflecting on your past actions and their consequences. It's essential to understand that while we may carry guilt or regret, it's crucial to practice self-compassion. You are not responsible for the actions of others or the circumstances that led to their passing. Life can be unpredictable, and sometimes we find ourselves in situations beyond our control. It’s important to forgive yourself for the past and recognize that you are doing the best you can in your current situation.

In terms of your mental health, it sounds like you have been dealing with significant challenges, including a mental health condition. It's vital to continue seeking professional help, whether through therapy or medication management. Mental health professionals can provide support and coping strategies tailored to your needs. They can help you process your grief and develop healthier ways to cope with your emotions.

You mentioned feeling hopeless about future relationships and the fear of loss. It's understandable to feel this way after experiencing grief, but it's also important to remember that life can bring new connections and opportunities for joy. Allow yourself to grieve, but also consider opening your heart to the possibility of new relationships when you're ready. Healing takes time, and it's okay to take small steps toward rebuilding your life.

Listening to music can be a powerful way to process emotions, but if you find that certain songs exacerbate your sadness, it might be helpful to explore different genres or artists that uplift you. Music can be a form of therapy, and finding the right tunes can help you navigate your feelings more effectively.

Lastly, don't hesitate to reach out to friends or family members who can provide support. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can help alleviate some of the burdens you carry. You are not alone in this journey, and there are people who care about you and want to help.

In summary, allow yourself to grieve, seek professional help, practice self-compassion, and consider the possibility of future connections. Healing is a process, and it's okay to take it one day at a time. Remember, it's never too late to seek support and find hope amidst the challenges you face.

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