Struggling with Depression: Seeking Help for Low Self-Esteem and Loneliness - Psychiatry

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Doctor, help me!! I often feel very depressed and think about dying?


I have been feeling very low for the past 4.5 years, and I haven't been able to improve.
The thoughts that contribute to my low mood include often envying guys who have girlfriends, believing that I can't get a girlfriend because I'm only 170 cm tall and not good-looking.
Whenever I see couples on the street, my mood drops significantly.
I have a flood of thoughts, such as thinking that I must be really inadequate to not have a girlfriend.
If a girl is cold towards me, I constantly think it must be because I'm not handsome enough or tall enough, which makes me feel very sad.
It’s even worse when I try to approach girls and they ignore me; oh my God! That makes me feel even more depressed and suicidal.

There was a time when a girl I knew didn't greet me, and I felt so down, thinking: it must be because I'm not attractive, and that's why girls avoid me.
I often hate myself and constantly wonder when a girl will like me and why I'm not popular with them.
Because of these thoughts, I feel anxious and low.
During the semester, I think: even if I study hard, no girl will like me, which makes me feel very bad and angry, leading me to skip classes.
While working, I think: why do I earn money but still have no girls interested in me? This makes me feel angry, anxious, and inferior.
I also think: why have others at 22 at least had a girlfriend, and I haven't? Am I not worthy of love?!
I've felt this way since I was 18, and I often hate myself, feeling that my existence is useless and wishing to die.
I project my emotions onto my family, thinking that my inability to get a girlfriend is a result of my parents' upbringing, so they share some responsibility.
I know my thoughts are strange! I have been trying hard to articulate the thoughts that have kept me depressed for years.
I really hope a doctor can help me.
I'm so afraid that one day my emotions will explode, and I might actually go through with it.

Youyou, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/03/29

Dr. Dai Wanxiang reply Psychiatry


Hello, Mr.
Youyou: After reading your description, I can sense the pain of your feelings of inferiority and depression, particularly regarding your concerns related to relationships with women.
At your age, the desire to engage with the opposite sex is indeed an important life issue, and it is natural to encounter feelings of loss and sadness during this process.
Depression and feelings of inferiority are associated with various factors, including biological predispositions, temperament, personality, upbringing, background, and psychosocial stressors.
Since it is not possible to understand your current situation in detail online, I can only preliminarily assess that your emotional distress has persisted for some time and may even include thoughts of nihilism.
I strongly recommend seeking psychological counseling or professional psychiatric assistance, as I believe it will be beneficial.
Wishing you well.

Reply Date: 2017/03/29

More Info


It sounds like you have been struggling with deep feelings of sadness, low self-esteem, and loneliness for quite some time. Your experiences and thoughts are valid, and it's important to acknowledge that seeking help is a courageous step towards healing. The feelings you describe—envy towards others in relationships, self-doubt regarding your appearance, and the overwhelming sense of worthlessness—are common among individuals dealing with depression and anxiety.
Firstly, it's crucial to understand that depression is not just a fleeting feeling of sadness; it is a complex mental health condition that can affect your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. The thoughts you have about yourself, such as believing that your worth is tied to your appearance or relationship status, can perpetuate a cycle of negative thinking and emotional distress. This cognitive distortion is often referred to as "catastrophizing," where you assume the worst about yourself and your situation.
Your feelings of inadequacy, especially in comparison to others, can lead to a sense of isolation. It's important to remember that everyone has their struggles, and social media or external appearances can often mask the reality of people's lives. Many individuals who seem to have it all together may be facing their own battles behind closed doors.
In terms of seeking help, it is highly recommended that you consider speaking with a mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. They can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and thoughts without judgment. Therapy can help you develop coping strategies, challenge negative thought patterns, and work towards building a healthier self-image. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for addressing issues related to self-esteem and depression, as it focuses on changing unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors.

Additionally, medication may also be an option worth discussing with a psychiatrist. Antidepressants can help alleviate some of the symptoms of depression, making it easier for you to engage in therapy and other activities that promote well-being. However, medication should always be considered as part of a comprehensive treatment plan that includes therapy and lifestyle changes.

It's also beneficial to engage in activities that promote self-care and well-being. This can include regular physical exercise, which has been shown to improve mood and reduce symptoms of depression. Finding hobbies or interests that bring you joy can also help shift your focus away from negative thoughts. Connecting with supportive friends or family members, even if it's just to share how you're feeling, can provide a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of loneliness.

Lastly, consider journaling as a way to process your emotions. Writing down your thoughts can help you gain clarity and insight into your feelings, and it can serve as an outlet for your emotions.
In conclusion, your feelings of despair and hopelessness are serious, and it's important to take them seriously. You are not alone in this struggle, and there is help available. By reaching out for support, whether through therapy, medication, or self-care practices, you can begin to navigate through these challenging emotions and work towards a more fulfilling life. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and taking that first step can lead to significant positive changes in your life.

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