Struggling with Dual Personalities and Trust Issues: A Mental Health Perspective

Q: Struggling with Dual Personalities and Trust Issues: A Mental Health Perspective

Symptoms of depression include： depressed mood, loss of interest in usual activities, cognitive and motor retardation, loss of appetite, weight loss, insomnia, fatigue and weakness in limbs, restlessness, self-blame, feelings of guilt, helplessness, worthlessness, hopelessness, a

Interpersonal difficulties, polarized personality, distrust of others?

I have recently started feeling depressed, constantly wanting to cry, and feeling like I'm going crazy.
I don't understand why my grades are average, yet my interpersonal skills are poor.
Aside from frequently being late, I follow all school rules, but my social interactions are lacking.
I am always willing to help anyone who asks, yet my relationships suffer.
In high school, I tried my best to present myself as the complete opposite of my previous self: I focused on my studies, dressed well, acted indifferent, occasionally broke school rules, deliberately tried to stand out, and actively sought leadership opportunities.
However, this was very unfamiliar to me, and I felt it wasn't who I truly am.
Eventually, I became someone who could be loud and annoying at times, while at other times I was quiet and perceived as reclusive.
The more arrogant I felt, the more insecure I became; the less I cared about others, the more I scrutinized every word from everyone around me.
It feels like I have two versions of myself, and while I can recognize that there are "two" of me, I cannot find a balance between them.
Both versions have their strengths and weaknesses, but the commonality is that my interpersonal skills are poor.
I can no longer discern which version of myself is real and which is not.
Whenever I step outside, I feel these two versions of myself pulling in different directions.
No matter the time or place, I have two conflicting thoughts, which leads to heightened sensitivity and stress whenever I am out.
The moment I feel someone recognizes me, I become very fearful.
For the past 18 years, I have felt that I cannot trust anyone.
Whenever there is more than one person in the same space, I start to feel pressure.
In public spaces, it is even worse; I constantly feel like someone knows me, criticizes me, or observes me, making me feel like everything I do is wrong, every gesture is inappropriate.
I also struggle to understand what it means to have suicidal tendencies.
I have thought about dying countless times and have seriously researched the mortality rates of various methods of suicide.
However, I also consider the reactions of those who might care about my death and the chaos it could cause afterward.
Does this mean that I am not truly sincere about wanting to end my life?

Nìmíng, 10~19 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/08/09

Dr. Liu Runqian reply Psychiatry

Symptoms of depression include: depressed mood, loss of interest in usual activities, cognitive and motor retardation, loss of appetite, weight loss, insomnia, fatigue and weakness in limbs, restlessness, self-blame, feelings of guilt, helplessness, worthlessness, hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts or attempts.
Based on your description, there may be a tendency towards depression, and it is advisable to seek consultation from a professional psychiatrist or psychologist.
Regarding interpersonal relationships, your concern about others' opinions seems excessive, as you constantly feel the need to please everyone, which can lead to dissatisfaction from all sides.
It is difficult for anyone to seek universal approval, and forcing yourself to change your behavior significantly to please others may worsen your emotional state and yield little benefit.
Generally, the quality of interpersonal relationships is not significantly related to adherence to school rules or academic performance.
You may raise these issues during your consultation, and through professional analysis by the physician, identify factors related to personality, character, emotions, and problem-solving skills that may affect your interpersonal relationships, allowing for slight adjustments.

Reply Date: 2017/08/09

More Info

It sounds like you're going through an incredibly challenging time, grappling with feelings of depression, anxiety, and a sense of duality in your personality. Your experiences reflect a complex interplay of emotional struggles, particularly with interpersonal relationships and self-identity. Let's break down some of the key elements of what you're experiencing and explore potential avenues for support and healing.

Understanding Your Feelings
1. Dual Personalities: The sensation of having "two selves" can be indicative of internal conflict. This often arises when individuals feel they must present themselves differently in various situations to cope with social expectations or personal insecurities. It’s common for people to adapt their behavior based on their environment, but when this becomes extreme, it can lead to confusion about one’s true self. This phenomenon can sometimes be linked to conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), but it's essential to consult a mental health professional for an accurate diagnosis.

2. Trust Issues: Your feelings of distrust towards others and the belief that people cannot be relied upon may stem from past experiences, particularly if you have faced betrayal or emotional pain in relationships. This can create a defensive mechanism where you guard yourself against potential hurt by distancing yourself from others.

3. Social Anxiety: The heightened sensitivity to others' perceptions and the fear of being judged or observed can be symptoms of social anxiety disorder. This condition often leads to avoidance of social situations, which can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and depression.

4. Depressive Symptoms: The persistent sadness, crying spells, and feelings of hopelessness you describe are classic symptoms of depression. The thoughts of self-harm or suicide, even if they are mixed with considerations of how your death might affect others, indicate a serious level of distress that should not be taken lightly.

Seeking Help
Given the complexity of your experiences, it is crucial to seek professional help. A mental health professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, can provide a safe space for you to explore these feelings and help you develop coping strategies. Here are some steps you can take:
1. Therapy: Engaging in therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can be beneficial. These therapeutic approaches focus on understanding and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors, improving emotional regulation, and enhancing interpersonal effectiveness.

2. Medication: If your depression and anxiety are significantly impacting your daily life, medication may be an option to discuss with a psychiatrist. Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications can help stabilize mood and reduce symptoms.

3. Support Groups: Connecting with others who share similar experiences can provide validation and support. Look for local or online support groups focused on mental health issues.

4. Self-Care: Incorporate self-care practices into your daily routine. This can include physical activities, mindfulness exercises, journaling, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy. These practices can help ground you and provide a sense of normalcy.

5. Education: Learning more about mental health can empower you. Understanding your symptoms and the underlying mechanisms can demystify your experiences and reduce feelings of isolation.

Conclusion
Your feelings of confusion, sadness, and anxiety are valid and deserve attention. It’s important to remember that you are not alone in this struggle, and there are pathways to healing and understanding. Seeking help is a courageous step, and with the right support, you can work towards finding balance and peace within yourself. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help, and taking that step can lead to significant improvements in your mental health and overall well-being.

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