the Struggles of Depression and Anxiety: A Personal Journey

Depressive anxiety with feelings of dissociation?

Engaging in a dialogue with my inner self, even to the point of arguing, I often find myself reflecting on what I'm doing.
I remember everything clearly, yet I occasionally slip into this state of mind without realizing it.
I've been dealing with relationship issues for nearly a year, and my social circle has faced significant problems for about six months.
For almost half a year, I've experienced a lack of joy, spending most of my time alone at home.
My appetite has drastically decreased; over the past two months, I've lost 10 kilograms.
My capacity to eat has become very small; where I used to eat three bowls of rice, I now can barely finish one.
I hardly chat with friends and rarely go out.
I'm feeling very anxious and fear that I might be suffering from some illness.

Ms. Zheng, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2020/04/30

Dr. Wang Yaoting reply Psychiatry

Based on your description, it seems that you have been experiencing depression and anxiety over the past six months.
If you have had five or more of the following symptoms in the past two weeks: 1.
Depressed mood: feeling unable to be happy, irritable, or down.
2.
Diminished interest or pleasure: unable to find joy in activities.
3.
Weight loss (or gain); decreased (or increased) appetite.
4.
Insomnia (or hypersomnia): difficulty falling asleep or feeling sleepy throughout the day.
5.
Psychomotor retardation (or agitation): slowed thinking or movements.
6.
Fatigue or loss of energy: wanting to lie in bed all day, decreased physical stamina.
7.
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt: feeling that life is meaningless, self-blame, and negative thoughts.
8.
Inability to concentrate or indecisiveness: feeling mentally sluggish, conflicted, or unable to focus.
9.
Recurrent thoughts of death, or even suicidal ideation, attempts, or plans.
If you have been managing this on your own for a long time with limited improvement, I recommend seeking help from a psychiatrist or a mental health professional as soon as possible.
If you need someone to talk to, doctors or therapists can provide assistance.
An in-person assessment will help provide you with clearer guidance for further treatment and arrange additional evaluations.
I wish you a speedy recovery! :)

Reply Date: 2020/04/30

More Info

It sounds like you are going through an incredibly challenging time, grappling with feelings of depression and anxiety that have significantly impacted your daily life. The experiences you describe—engaging in internal dialogues, feeling isolated, losing interest in activities, and experiencing changes in appetite—are common symptoms of depression and anxiety disorders. It's important to recognize that these feelings are valid and that seeking help is a crucial step toward healing.

Firstly, it’s essential to understand that depression is not just about feeling sad; it can manifest in various ways, including emotional numbness, irritability, and physical symptoms such as changes in appetite and sleep patterns. The fact that you’ve lost weight and have a reduced appetite indicates that your mental health is affecting your physical well-being. This is a significant concern, as prolonged changes in eating habits can lead to further health complications.

Your feelings of anxiety, particularly the fear of having an illness, can also be a symptom of anxiety disorders. This fear can create a cycle where anxiety leads to physical symptoms, which in turn increases anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break without support. The isolation you’ve experienced, compounded by the lack of social interaction, can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair, making it even harder to reach out for help.

Engaging in self-dialogue, whether positive or negative, is a common coping mechanism. However, when these conversations become confrontational or spiral into self-criticism, they can further entrench feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. It’s crucial to find healthier ways to process your emotions. Journaling, as you mentioned in previous discussions, can be a helpful tool. It allows you to express your feelings without judgment and can provide clarity on your thoughts and emotions.

You mentioned that you have been feeling this way for nearly a year, which is a significant duration. Chronic depression and anxiety can lead to a sense of hopelessness, making it feel like there is no way out. However, it’s important to remember that recovery is possible. Many people find relief through a combination of therapy and medication. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for both depression and anxiety, as it helps individuals identify and change negative thought patterns.

If you haven’t already, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies. They can also assess whether medication might be beneficial for you. It’s understandable to feel apprehensive about seeking help, but remember that mental health professionals are trained to handle these situations with care and confidentiality.

In addition to professional help, consider incorporating small, manageable changes into your daily routine. This could include setting a goal to step outside for a short walk, even if it’s just around the block. Physical activity can help improve mood and reduce anxiety. Additionally, try to reconnect with friends or family, even if it’s just a text or a phone call. Social support is vital in combating feelings of isolation.

Lastly, practice self-compassion. It’s easy to be hard on yourself during tough times, but remember that it’s okay to struggle. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment and give yourself permission to seek help. You are not alone in this journey, and there are people and resources available to support you.

In summary, your struggles with depression and anxiety are significant and deserve attention. Seeking professional help, engaging in self-care practices, and reaching out to your support network can all contribute to your healing process. Remember, recovery is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.

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