My Father's Verbal Abuse: Seeking Help for Mental Health Issues

Q: My Father's Verbal Abuse: Seeking Help for Mental Health Issues

Hello Mr. <br>Liu： Based on the information you provided, it is not yet possible to determine whether your father has a mental illness or if it is a matter of personal character traits. <br>In cases of severe mental illness, there are usually clear signs of delusions or hallucina

Regarding my father's frequent verbal abuse?

My dad is around 56 years old and often yells at the people on TV or makes negative comments about news reports, including criticizing the appearance of the news anchors.
He is frequently harsh towards our family, often saying hurtful things to me, my brother, and my mom, while he seems to be more considerate towards outsiders.
He has a knack for reading the room.
Just yesterday, when we were about to have dinner, I came downstairs and saw my mom grabbing a kitchen knife, ready to confront my dad.
My brother stood in between them, and my mom said she had endured this for 20 years and even thought about killing him last month.
Hearing my mom say that made my mouth tremble, and I felt so sorry for her.
She mentioned that my dad has been tormenting our family for a long time and urged my brother and me to take him to see a psychiatrist.
I agree with my mom's perspective; my dad might be suffering from a mental illness.
He is the owner of a company, and my brother, who works for him, often hears my dad express disdain for him.
How can I help them?

Liu Xiansheng, 20~29 year old female. Ask Date: 2017/04/02

Dr. Dai Wanxiang reply Psychiatry

Hello Mr.
Liu: Based on the information you provided, it is not yet possible to determine whether your father has a mental illness or if it is a matter of personal character traits.
In cases of severe mental illness, there are usually clear signs of delusions or hallucinations, or significant mood swings that differ from his personality prior to the onset.
However, it may be beneficial to encourage your father to discuss any emotional, interpersonal, or sleep issues he may be experiencing, and to persuade him to seek psychiatric evaluation to see if it could be helpful.
As for your mother, prolonged stress may lead to symptoms such as anger, anxiety, depression, and insomnia, which may also require psychiatric assessment and treatment.
If your father is unwilling to accept the suggestion of seeing a psychiatrist, your mother could take the opportunity during her own appointments to discuss your father's situation and possible approaches with her physician.
Of course, if your father's behavior reaches the level of psychological abuse towards family members, legal action can be taken under the "Domestic Violence Prevention Act," and details can be consulted with legal aid or local domestic violence prevention centers.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2017/04/02

More Info

It sounds like you are in a very challenging and distressing situation with your father, who exhibits verbally abusive behavior towards your family while being more restrained in public. This kind of behavior can have deep psychological impacts on family members, leading to feelings of fear, anxiety, and helplessness. It is commendable that you are seeking help and looking for ways to support your family, particularly your mother and brother, in this difficult time.

Firstly, it’s important to understand that verbal abuse is a serious issue. It can stem from various factors, including unresolved personal issues, stress, or mental health conditions. Your father’s behavior, such as his harsh criticism and negative comments, may be a reflection of his own struggles, possibly exacerbated by the pressures of being a business owner and the dynamics within the family. However, this does not excuse his actions, and it is crucial for the well-being of your family that these patterns are addressed.

Here are some steps you can take to help your family navigate this situation:
1. Encourage Open Communication: It’s essential for your family to have a safe space to express their feelings. Encourage your mother and brother to share their experiences and emotions regarding your father’s behavior. This can help them feel less isolated and more supported.

2. Seek Professional Help: As your mother suggested, it may be beneficial for your father to see a mental health professional. While he may resist the idea, you can approach this delicately. Emphasize that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and that it could improve his relationships with the family. If he is unwilling to go alone, perhaps you or your brother could accompany him to an initial appointment.

3. Establish Boundaries: It’s important for your family to set boundaries regarding what is acceptable behavior. This can be difficult, especially in a family dynamic where one member is abusive. Discuss with your mother and brother how they can assertively communicate their boundaries to your father when he crosses the line. For example, they can calmly express that they will not engage in conversations where he is being disrespectful.

4. Support Your Mother: Given that your mother has expressed feelings of extreme frustration and even thoughts of violence, it’s crucial to ensure she feels safe and supported. Encourage her to seek counseling or support groups for individuals in similar situations. This can provide her with coping strategies and a sense of community.

5. Educate Yourself and Your Family: Understanding the dynamics of verbal abuse and its effects can empower your family. There are many resources available, including books and online materials, that discuss how to cope with and address abusive behavior. Knowledge can help demystify the situation and provide strategies for dealing with it.

6. Consider Family Therapy: If your father is open to it, family therapy could be a constructive way to address the issues within your family. A trained therapist can facilitate discussions and help each family member express their feelings in a safe environment.

7. Prioritize Safety: If your mother feels threatened or if there is any risk of physical violence, it is crucial to prioritize safety. This may involve having a safety plan in place, such as knowing where to go or who to call in case of an emergency.

8. Self-Care: Finally, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Living in a stressful environment can take a toll on your mental health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and consider seeking support for yourself, whether through friends, family, or a mental health professional.

In conclusion, addressing verbal abuse and its effects on family dynamics is a complex process that requires patience, understanding, and often professional intervention. By encouraging open communication, seeking professional help, and establishing boundaries, you can help create a healthier environment for your family. Remember, it’s important to approach the situation with compassion, both for your father and for your family members who are affected by his behavior.

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