How to Help My Father with His Mental Health Struggles

Q: How to Help My Father with His Mental Health Struggles

Hello Mengmeng： It is advisable to encourage your father to quit drinking from the perspective of caring for his health. <br>If he has difficulty quitting, you can accompany him to seek medical assistance to alleviate the discomfort during the withdrawal process. <br>Typically, w

How can I help my father?

Hello, Doctor.
My father's situation is quite complex.
He has been suspicious and has a volatile temper, often lashing out and verbally abusing my mother, which led to their divorce when I was three years old.
Due to work commitments, he has been living in the northern part of the country and cohabiting with his girlfriend (whom I refer to as "Aunt").
He has severe trust issues, does not believe the people around him, and is prone to anger and rage, always feeling that those around him, including family, are only interested in his money.
This behavior worsens, especially after drinking, leading to emotional outbursts, insults, throwing things, yelling, and provocations.
These issues were present even before he retired; initially, the family thought it was due to work-related stress (he is a pilot for an airline, performing normally at work and holding a training position).
Additionally, he grew up in a difficult home environment, which has contributed to his lack of financial security despite a decent income.
I have tried to be independent and not worry him, achieving financial independence to provide him with a sense of security.
However, after retirement, his problems seem to have intensified.
I once suggested he see a psychiatrist or psychologist due to his emotional instability, but he dismissed the idea, claiming that mental illnesses are fabricated by doctors to make money and that depression and bipolar disorder do not exist.
Since retiring, he drinks almost every night, and when he can't find his glasses or remote, he verbally abuses my aunt, kicks doors, throws things, and is suspicious.
He even fabricates stories to convince me that those around him are after his money, just to make me believe how terrible they are.
Doctor, is my father ill? What is his problem? How can I persuade him to seek medical help, and how can I assist him?

Meng Meng, 30~39 year old female. Ask Date: 2016/01/28

Dr. Liang Sunyuan reply Psychiatry

Hello Mengmeng: It is advisable to encourage your father to quit drinking from the perspective of caring for his health.
If he has difficulty quitting, you can accompany him to seek medical assistance to alleviate the discomfort during the withdrawal process.
Typically, withdrawal symptoms from alcohol can last about one to two weeks.
Many individuals with alcohol dependence experience initial improvements in mood and thoughts after quitting.
Wishing you all the best.

Reply Date: 2016/01/28

More Info

It sounds like your father is experiencing significant mental health challenges, which may include symptoms of anxiety, depression, and possibly alcohol use disorder. His behavior, such as outbursts of anger, suspicion towards others, and emotional instability, can be distressing not only for him but also for those around him, including you and your family.

Understanding Your Father's Condition
From your description, it seems your father may be dealing with a combination of psychological issues. His history of anger outbursts and suspicion could indicate underlying anxiety or mood disorders. The fact that he has difficulty trusting others and often feels that people are after his money suggests a level of paranoia, which can be associated with various mental health conditions. Additionally, his increased alcohol consumption since retirement may be a coping mechanism for his emotional distress, which can further exacerbate his mental health issues.

The Impact of Alcohol
Alcohol can significantly affect mood and behavior. It is a depressant that can lead to increased feelings of anxiety and depression, especially when consumed in excess. Your father's drinking may be contributing to his emotional instability and aggressive outbursts. It’s important to recognize that while he may believe that alcohol helps him cope, it is likely having the opposite effect on his mental health.

Encouraging Professional Help
Convincing someone to seek help for mental health issues can be challenging, especially if they hold beliefs that mental health conditions are not real or are fabricated. Here are some strategies you might consider:
1. Open a Dialogue: Approach your father when he is calm and in a good mood. Express your concerns without being confrontational. Use "I" statements to communicate how his behavior affects you and your family. For example, "I feel worried when I see you upset, and I want to help."
2. Educate Him: Sometimes, people fear what they do not understand. Share information about mental health in a non-threatening way. You might mention that many people experience similar feelings and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

3. Suggest Alternatives: If he is resistant to seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist, suggest other forms of support, such as talking to a trusted friend or family member, or even attending a support group for individuals dealing with anger or anxiety.

4. Highlight the Benefits: Emphasize the potential benefits of therapy, such as learning coping strategies, improving relationships, and enhancing overall well-being.
5. Lead by Example: If you or other family members have sought help for your own mental health, share those experiences. This can help normalize the idea of seeking help.

6. Professional Intervention: If he continues to refuse help and his behavior escalates, consider seeking advice from a mental health professional on how to handle the situation. They may provide strategies for intervention or recommend family therapy.

Supporting Your Family
While trying to help your father, it’s also crucial to take care of your own mental health. Living with someone who has these challenges can be stressful and emotionally draining. Consider seeking support for yourself, whether through friends, family, or a mental health professional.

Conclusion
Your father’s situation is complex, and while you can provide support and encouragement, ultimately, he must be willing to seek help. It may take time, patience, and multiple conversations before he is open to the idea of professional help. Remember, you are not alone in this, and there are resources available to assist both you and your father in navigating these challenges.

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